


The Mess We Made

by Rays



Series: Destiny Verse [2]
Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hand Jobs, M/M, Polyamory, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-04-29 22:02:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 55,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14482125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rays/pseuds/Rays
Summary: Things have changed in the four years since Quentin and Eliot arrived at the mosaic. They need to figure out these changes before it tears them apart.*Part of the Destiny is Bullshit timeline*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well here is my next fic! It's part of the same timeline as Destiny is Bullshit. This focuses on just after the birth of Quentin's son. I am still keeping the name "Rupert" at the moment. I don't completely know if I should change it in my other stories and this or not. I guess if anyone has an issue with it let me know. "Teddy" is growing on me but I already wrote so much with his name as Rupert. I can change it though. 
> 
> I hope everyone will enjoy this!

Quentin would never have called himself an expert on babies. He had been around very few in his life. One baby cousin who he had held awkwardly for a few seconds so his mom could take a picture. Random babies that Julia would babysit for when they were younger. The most he ever knew about babies was to hold their head and that sometimes they would laugh at a magic trick. He had always thought though that as babies got older they started to cry less. His son was getting louder with each passing month.

Rupert was five months with big blue eyes like his mother and a good amount of hair that matched Quentin’s. He could roll over like a pro and ate like he was always starving. He was happy when he was held on his back so he could stare up at you and he loved to dance. He was also teething and screaming his head off about it night and day. Quentin just sat in front of him with his chin resting in his palm. Rupert was sitting in his booster seat they had made him, crying and kicking his feet fiercely.

“Arielle’s taking her time today isn’t she?” Eliot asked smiling from where he was working on the mosaic. Arielle had left to sell her peaches that morning and usually was back by now, it was getting close to lunch. “Do you think she’s purposely avoiding all this or just fell asleep somewhere?”

“I don’t know,” Quentin said not even lifting his head. “She better not get used to it though because I’m taking over for her next week.” Eliot laughed and then came over and sat down next to Quentin.

“Here, eat this.” He said handing Quentin a peach. “Might perk you up a bit.” He bit into one for himself as Quentin took the peach from him.

“Thank you,” Quentin said biting into the peach. Eliot nodded and then turned his focus to Rupert.

“Now Sir Rupert,” He said leaning closer to the baby. Rupert’s cry went to a hiccup and his eyes immediately stared at Eliot. “I am sorry that you are in pain and I brought you something that might help.”

“How are you so chipper?” Quentin asked, his mouth full of peach.

“Unlike you, I got real sleep.” Eliot reminded him as he pulled one of Rupert’s small rubber toys from his pocket. Eliot held it up for Rupert to see and he quieted a little more. The toy then frosted over as Eliot did a quick freezing spell and then he stuck it in Rupert’s mouth. Rupert seemed surprised and started to suck on the toy. After a few moments, he closed his eyes and looked almost as relieved as Quentin felt.

“Show off,” Quentin said smiling as he let his head fall against Eliot’s shoulder. Eliot laughed and kissed the top of Quentin’s head.

“We might get a good ten minutes before he starts crying again if we’re lucky.” Eliot pointed out.

“Oh thank god,” Quentin said closing his eyes. He felt Eliot put his arm around him and he turned more into his embrace.

“If you wake up a little we might be able to enjoy ten minutes of just you and I,” Eliot said gently. Quentin pulled back a little to look at him.

“I don’t think I have the energy to even stand at the moment.” He confessed. Eliot nodded with an understanding smile, but Quentin could see just the hint of disappointment there. “I’m sorry.” He said quickly, grabbing Eliot’s hand.

“Don’t worry about,” Eliot said giving him a kiss. “You know, I’ve gotten pretty far on this pattern so I can take a break. You go inside and get some sleep and when this guy wakes up, I’ll handle him.” Quentin nodded and stood up.

“You sure?” He asked, guilt burning a hole inside him.

“This is the reason I’ve been sleeping outside right?” Eliot asked, not quite making eye contact with Quentin. “So one of us is awake enough to help.” Eliot now looked away from him and the guilt grew more.

Quentin had thought it was best if at least one of them was getting some sleep. They had three people raising this baby and he figured this would be a good way to take advantage of that. A week ago when Rupert’s teething had really started, Quentin suggested that Eliot sleep in the bed they kept outside. That way one of them would be well rested in the morning and he would be able to keep up with the mosaic as well. It had seemed like the perfect solution to the problem of their teething son.

When he first suggested the idea he had said they would trade off sleeping outside so everyone would have a turn at a good night's sleep. Then he and Arielle kept insisting Eliot be the one to sleep outside. Since Arielle was still nursing, it became clear pretty quickly she needed to stay inside with him. Quentin felt like he needed to stay with him too. He had gotten Arielle pregnant in the first place and because of that everything in their life had changed. Just like when he had once made a deal with a knife maker, it always seemed that Eliot got the short end of the stick of Quentin’s actions.

Quentin felt responsible not just for his son’s happiness but also Arielle’s and Eliot’s. He wanted to make everything easier for everyone. To him, that was Eliot getting to sleep at night, his son having him there for him and Arielle getting his support as well. He had never expected Eliot to take it personally. In hindsight, Quentin could see how it could seem like he was pushing Eliot aside. Between the baby and he and Arielle getting married, Quentin and Eliot had not had much time for each other. They had their work on the mosaic, but that had been all they had recently.

“El, what about if we get sometime later?” Quentin asked, leaning on the doorframe. Eliot looked up from Rupert’s sleeping face. Quentin’s gaze traveled to the bed that they kept outside and Eliot smiled.

“Really?” Eliot’s hopeful tone only made Quentin feel worse. He bent down to Eliot’s face and kissed him softly.

“I can’t promise the whole night.” He said. “But I can promise you more than ten minutes of just you and I.” Eliot smiled wider and placed his hand on Quentin's cheek, pulling him in for a deeper kiss.

“It’s a date Coldwater.” He said pulling back. Quentin smiled and then headed inside. Looking out the window, he watched Eliot as he started organizing the tiles. The easy smile on his face made the guilt Quentin was feeling retreat and he laid down on the bed.

He hoped tonight would help. He and Eliot had been avoiding the fact that things had changed between them in the past few months. There was suddenly this distance between them that had never been there before. It reminded Quentin of how it was right after the threesome they had that now felt like something from another lifetime. Even then though, it hadn’t lasted long. Funny thing how facing the beast, becoming Kings and having to leave Eliot behind in Fillory could put things in perspective. They didn’t have the same life or death choices here, so they had just been avoiding the topic.

Quentin tossed and turned on the bed for a moment. Tonight would help, he told himself again. He thought about being Eliot’s arms and how safe he always felt there. Suddenly, he was asleep.

 

****************************

 

Arielle was still pulling hay out of her hair as she walked up to the mosaic. When she had left the last farm she delivered to, a pile of hay had never looked more inviting. She had only intended to lay down for a short nap but she had fallen asleep for much longer. She hoped Quentin and Eliot were doing ok on their own with their screaming child and that they wouldn’t catch on that the nap she took was the best sleep she’d had in weeks.

Walking up she found Eliot scribbling away at the record book, Rupert was asleep in his seat at Eliot’s feet. Smiling, she walked up to them. Seeing Rupert sleep was almost as good as her nap had been. Eliot looked up as she got closer and smiled at her.

“Have a good nap?” He asked. She stopped in her tracks and brought her hand to her chest in mock horror.

“I was working.” She said and Eliot nodded with a chuckle.

“You got something in your hair.” He pointed to her head. Arielle ran a hand through her hair and pulled out another piece of hay.

“Ok,” She said with a shrug. “Don’t judge me but I had a wonderful nap in the Ketterly’s hay.” Eliot held up his hands and smiled.

“No judgment here.” He said. She smiled then moved over to Rupert.

“So where is our better half?” She asked looking down at her sleeping son.

“I sent him to bed about twenty minutes ago,” Eliot said looking back at his work. “This guy has been sleeping just as long.”

“He’ll need to eat soon,” Arielle said, she could feel how full her breast felt and she was close to being uncomfortable. Eliot looked up from his work again.

“Why don’t you get a little more sleep before you need to feed him.” He suggested. “I know it’s not hay, but there is a handsome man in our bed.” Arielle giggled but she noticed Eliot’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Behind his smile was the same distant look she’d seen on his face off and on for the past few months.

“I don’t have too.” She said. “I’ll keep an eye on Rupert so you can work.” Eliot turned his gaze to Rupert, his smile warm and almost sad.

“It’s ok, I like hanging out with him.” He said. “Besides, Dad number two can keep him quiet.” Arielle smiled because that was true. She knew how scared Eliot had been at the prospect of being a father, but she thought he was a wonderful father. She just wished he knew that because she could still see the doubt in him.

“That he can,” Arielle said looking at Rupert again, sleeping happily at his father’s side. When she looked up again the smile had slipped off Eliot’s face. “Are you ok?” She asked.

“I’m fine,” He said like he always did. Arielle sighed and sat down next to him. He seemed to make a point to not look at her and focused on the papers he had in front of him.

“I know Quentin and I haven’t been very available.” She said. “Mainly, Quentin I mean.” This time she made a point not to look at him. While she and Eliot were as close as could be as friends and had been since they first met four years ago; things were still a little awkward between them when it came to Quentin. They were still trying to find out the best way to work the arrangement they were all in. One that had changed. “We couldn’t do any of this without you.” Eliot looked at her with a look that she was unable to identify. She wished Quentin was here. He always seemed to be able to tell what Eliot was thinking. Finally, Eliot smiled.

“Ari, you should really get some sleep while you still can.” He said. “I promise, I’m fine. Hurry before he wakes up.” He reached over and squeezed her arm then turned his attention back to his work. Arielle knew the conversation was over. She looked at Rupert one more time before going inside.

She found Quentin sleeping on his back snoring softly. One arm hung off the bed and his long hair was a mess. Shaking her head, Arielle slipped in and tucked herself under Quentin’s arm. Though she tried not to wake him, Quentin stirred next to her.

“You’re back,” he said, his voice rough.

“Sorry I took so long.” She said wrapping her arm around him.

“Did you fall asleep somewhere?” He asked with a hint of a smirk. Arielle smiled and kissed his shoulder.

“Kinda,” She admitted. Quentin smiled.

“I can take over your deliveries next time.” He suggested. Arielle rolled her eyes.

“No,” She said giving him a gentle poke. “That is my alone time, you are not getting it.” Quentin chuckled and kissed her temple.

“Fine.” He said begrudgingly.

“Besides,” Arielle said as she absentmindedly started playing with his hair. “You and Eliot can have some time together then.” Quentin sighed and closed his eyes.

“Yeah,” He said softly. Arielle saw the same look on Quentin’s face now that she had just seen on Eliot. She reached out and smoothed back his hair which made Quentin open his eyes again.

“He’s sad.” She said softly. Quentin just nodded. “Are you ok?” Quentin smiled at her sadly wrapping both arms around her, pulling her down to his chest.

“I don’t know.” He said. Arielle hugged him tighter. She wanted so badly to knock his and Eliot’s heads together and just force them to talk. However, Arielle didn’t feel like her getting involved would be a good idea. She still didn’t know what her place was in all this as well. What she was allowed to say about Quentin and Eliot’s relationship. The one thing she knew though, they loved each more than they could even see. Maybe once Rupert was sleeping through the night they all could tackle this well rested and clear minded.

“You will be.” She assured him quietly. Quentin kissed her and then rest his head down next to her face and the next thing she knew, he was asleep. Arielle sighed, her boys were a mess.

 

********************************

 

 It had taken Quentin some time, but he eventually got used to having sex outside. They set up a bed outside during their first year when they agreed that having a place to separate when they were driving the other crazy would be beneficial. Once their relationship became more intimate, Eliot couldn’t wait to have sex in their outside bed. Even though they were miles from anyone else, Quentin had been nervous. Eliot was so excited about it though and soon he started to see the joys of laying naked with Eliot under the stars. Even after four years in Fillory, Quentin was still so overwhelmed by how much he could see in the night sky. He felt like if they ever made it home, he might never be able to live in the city ever again.

Quentin found that when they were outside, the wide open space and the whole galaxy above them, it was like there was no one else but them. They would get lost in each other in ways they didn’t when they were in their smaller, more intimate home. Tonight though, Quentin was struggling to be in the moment with Eliot. Rupert was crying inside and the need to get in there and help was strong. Quentin lay on his back, his head turned toward the house. Eliot was on top of him, trailing kisses down his chest, but Quentin didn’t feel completely there.

“Q?” He vaguely heard Eliot say. “Quentin!” Eliot’s tone shifted and Quentin quickly turned to him. Eliot was sitting up now, looking down at him with an exasperated look on his face.

“Sorry,” Quentin said quickly. “I was ju-Rupert is really upset in there, maybe I should-”

“Arielle said she was fine handling him,” Eliot reminded him. “She seemed excited for this.” Quentin sighed and nodded.

“You’re right,” He reached up and pulled Eliot closer to him. “I’m sorry, I’m right here.” He kissed Eliot deeply. Eliot was kissing him back and his hand slid down between them and he started stroking him. Quentin could feel Eliot’s erection against his thigh and he tried focusing on that because he had yet to get anything going on for his part. Closing his eyes tightly, he tried to only think about the feel of Eliot against him, but Rupert’s continued cries were making it difficult. When Eliot pulled back slightly to kiss Quentin’s neck, Quentin turned his head back to the house, straining to see if Arielle needed his help.

“Oh my god, really?” Eliot’s voice dripped with frustration and Quentin turned back to him.

“I’m sorry,” He said. “But he sounds really upset, I think I should get in there.” Eliot sat up a bit, maneuvering himself off of Quentin.

“Arielle is perfectly capable of taking care of him,” Eliot said. “He sounds like this every night, you just need to not focus on it and focus on us instead.” Quentin frowned and sat up on his elbows.

“I’m his dad,” He said. “You expect me to just ignore him? What kind of father do you think I am?” Even in the moonlight, Quentin could see Eliot’s eyes widen just a bit and a hurt look overcome his whole face. Quentin suddenly realized what he had implied.

“Shit,” Quentin said sitting up fully. “I don’t mean you ignore Rupert.” Eliot’s hurt turned to anger and he turned away from Quentin. “We told you to sleep out here and not to worry about him.” Quentin tried to explain. Eliot sat at the edge of the bed, his back to Quentin as he pulled on his pants.

“You know I never asked for this new sleeping arrangement,” Eliot said curtly.

“I know,” Quentin said softly. Eliot stood up and grabbed his shirt.

“And I never once complained about Rupert crying.” He pointed out pulling the shirt over his head. “I only ever offered to help. You decided to kick me out here.” Quentin sighed his own frustration building.

“I just wanted you to not have to deal with all that.” He tried to explain.

“Why?” Eliot asked, crossing his arms. Quentin opened his mouth but nothing came out. Eliot’s eyes narrowed just slightly, he was expecting Quentin to say something but he didn’t really have an answer.

“I don’t know,” Quentin finally said. “You never wanted kids, I did. I guess I just wanted to make all this easier for you.” Eliot only looked more hurt now. Quentin didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what was going on in Eliot’s head right now and that scared him a bit. Eliot looked away from Quentin and at the ground for a moment, seeming to be calming himself.

“You were the one who wanted me to be a father,” Eliot said softly. “I’ve been trying to make it easier for you. I know I’m not the baby friendly kind of guy but I’m learning. I’m trying to help take care of your son-”

“Our son,” Quentin interrupted, moving to the edge of the bed. “He’s your son too.” Eliot scoffed sadly and slipped on his shoes.

“Yeah,” he said. “When you guys need a babysitter so you can take a nap.” Quentin blinked, he couldn't believe Eliot would think that.

“Eliot,” He said but Eliot just shook his head and started walking off towards the woods. “Where are you going?”

“I need a minute!” Eliot shouted over his shoulder and then disappeared into the darkness.

 

****************************

 

Eliot was gone for almost an hour. Quentin got dressed and went in to check on Arielle and Rupert. They were doing fine, just like Eliot had told him they were. When he explained to Arielle what had happened, she kicked him out for the rest of the night. She told Quentin that he would apologize for being the insensitive prick that he was. Now Quentin just sat on the bed trying to figure out how everything he tried to do always seemed to be the wrong choice. The familiar feeling of uselessness was creeping back into him when Eliot finally returned.

“I’m sorry,” Quentin said when Eliot stopped a few feet away from where Quentin was sitting cross-legged on the bed. “I’m a dick and I didn’t mean to imply you didn’t care about our son, and he is your son. I’m really sorry, can you please come here.” Tears spilled down Quentin’s cheeks. The pain he was feeling was real, but he normally would be holding back his emotion a bit more. He knew though, that Eliot would have a harder time saying no to him when he was this upset. It might have been a little manipulative, but Quentin didn’t care, he needed Eliot right now.

Eliot sighed and then walked over to the bed. He sat down next to Quentin and pulled him into his arms. Quentin immediately fell into him, burying his face in Eliot’s neck, letting an exhausted sob out. Eliot held him and rubbed his back, ever patient and more than Quentin deserved.

“I’m sorry too,” Eliot said softly. Quentin pulled back and looked up at Eliot, who looked sadly back at him.

“I’m staying out here for the rest of the night,” he said. “I promise, right now it’s just you and I.” Eliot smiled then kissed him lightly.

“Arielle kicked you out because she sided with me?” Eliot smirked. Quentin’s mouth dropped open and he struggled with what to say.

“I really-I want to be out too, it wasn’t just her kicking me out. El, I promise!” He stammered and Eliot chuckled lightly, pulling Quentin close again and kissing his forehead.

“I was just teasing,” he said and Quentin shook his head, but smiled.

“Jesus,” he said and closed his eyes.

“Let’s just try to sleep ok?” Eliot suggested. Quentin nodded and they laid down together on the bed. Quentin practically wrapped himself around Eliot. As if the closer physically he could get, it could somehow mend the emotional distance they had between them lately.

“I really love you, you know?” Quentin said. Eliot smiled and he looked almost relaxed for the first time this entire night.

“I know,” he said running a hand through Quentin’s hair. “I love you too.” Quentin sighed, relieved and nuzzled his way under Eliot’s chin.

“We’re gonna be ok right?” he asked. Eliot continued to stroke his hair and kissed the top of his head gently.

“Yeah Q,” he said. “We’re going to be just fine.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention, the title comes from the song "Go" by Hanson

The closest village to the mosaic was a small farming village that stood in the shadow of Brass City. To Eliot, it reminded him of a fairytale village. It had dirt roads and vendors selling foods and goods along the sides of the streets. There were a few shops that sold some bigger items or more refined things. A healer set up a small clinic that was next to a bar that had a few available rooms to rent above it. People and animals would line the streets and on more than occasion, Eliot would hum the opening song from Beauty and the Beast as he walked the streets. Though he wished it reminded him more of a nice French village, and less like the country town of his childhood.

Farms circled the area all the way to the edge of the city and as much as Eliot hated what it reminded him of, he had learned to appreciate this place. When he and Quentin first got here, they never left the mosaic for the first few weeks. The farthest they went was to a creek where they got water and fished. After a month or so of just fish and not seeing another living soul besides each other, they ventured out to see what was around them. They found a farm nearby where the family told them about the village that was just an hour walk away. There they found people and suddenly it all felt real. They were here now and started to meet the people that lived all around them. They met Arielle and her family and were invited to dinners and parties. They had somehow fallen into a community. It helped them feel more grounded in some form of reality.

They made trips to the village every week or so in the beginning. They had a quickly growing garden now, so they went less frequently as of late. They usually needed things for the mosaic, like more paper or chalk. Sometimes they bought clothes and meat that wasn’t fish. Eliot had offered to go on this trip, leaving Quentin and Arielle back home with Rupert. It had been a few days since he and Quentin had spent the night outside together, and things hadn’t improved much. Quentin made him come back inside, that had been a good start Eliot thought. Once Rupert needed attending too though, Arielle and Quentin kept insisting they had it under control and Eliot would only watch them from the bed.

He and Quentin hadn’t had a moment together that wasn’t focused on the mosaic since that night. He tried not to get mad, he could tell how stressed Quentin was. He wanted to help him, taking care of Quentin was the one thing he was good at but Quentin didn’t need him so much anymore. He had a wife now and unlike Eliot, this was one he choose to marry. He had given them his blessing of course, and he really was fine with their marriage. Quentin had repeatedly told him that the relationship he and Arielle had was second to theirs. That their marriage was because of the baby on the way. It made Arielle’s family happy and Quentin felt like it was the right thing to do. That was before Rupert was born. 

Though no one said it, the two of them had something together that Eliot would never be a part of. No amount of insisting how much he was also the father was going to change that. When he looked at Rupert, it was hard to miss that he was a wonderful mix of the two people he cared most about. It made it easy to love him, but it also cut deep into his heart to know that he and Quentin would never have this connection. He knew it was it pointless to focus on that. Even with magic, two men having a biological child together was impossible. It was also pointless to think about because, like Quentin had said, he had never wanted kids. 

It wasn’t like he didn’t like kids. He thought they were a bit loud but fine. He had just never entertained the thought because it was just something he knew he would never have. His family and the town he grew up in made sure that he knew that he was in for a life empty and alone because of who he was. Children shouldn’t be around him because they might catch it. He was treated almost like a predator in waiting. So the whole white picket fence, with a couple kids and a dog story was one Eliot never told himself.

When Rupert was first born, Eliot had been terrified to come near him. There was this tiny little human, who looked like if you made one wrong move, he would break. Eliot didn’t know what a good father was supposed to look like. He barely knew was unconditional love even was, but he realized that he was feeling it for this child. Quentin wanted him involved so badly. He wanted to share this with Eliot and that had made the recent wedding hurt just a little less. Once he finally started to see that he might actually be a good dad, Quentin had taken over. Suddenly worried that Eliot couldn’t handle it. Now he felt like the nanny. Just waiting to get an hour or so with Rupert before one of his real parents took him away. And Quentin had pulled away as well. 

A cough interrupted Eliot’s thoughts. Blinking, he realized he’d been staring at the cart of bread in front of him for a while and had yet to make a selection. The vendor, a nice old man who had a wheat farm, smiled not so patiently at Eliot. Eliot smiled back and tried to focus on the bread.

“Hey!” a voice said from somewhere next to him. Eliot looked over to see a guy with a mop of dark brown hair and the brightest green eyes that Eliot had ever seen. “I know you.” Eliot looked him up and down. He was about as tall as Eliot but was much broader. He was more muscular with big, rough hands and tanned skin. 

“I think I would remember you,” Eliot said smiling back at him. He laughed and Eliot felt a flutter in his stomach that reminded him of a million years ago before everything went to shit. When he wasn’t on an epic quest or the High King of a land that didn’t want him; when he was just a guy at a school who loved to party and flirt.

“No, it was at a wedding a while ago,” The guy shook his head and took a step closer. “Uh, what was her name? Arielle!” He snapped his fingers once he said Arielle’s name. “My friend Dent, his sister’s wedding! You were there.” Eliot suddenly felt like he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing.

“Yeah, that wedding.” He said quickly. “I was there.” He turned back the selection of bread and grabbed one without looking, quickly taking it to the vendor.

“Yeah, you were by the bar most of the night.” The guy followed him, with a smile that dimpled his cheeks. “I’m Garrett,” Eliot gave him a tight smile as he exchanged a few gold coins for the bread.

“I’m Eliot,” He said and started to walk away. Garrett trailed quickly behind him.

“Dent told me you live with them at the mosaic,” He said. Eliot rolled his eyes. Arielle’s older brother wasn't his favorite person.

Dent lived closer than most of Arielle’s family so he ended up being the one they saw the most. He lived mostly alone in a small cottage closer to the village. He had different friends and romantic partners in and out of his life. He made beautiful furniture that he sold in Brass City. Eliot had to give him that. He was a nice enough guy, but he was a pretty simple guy. He never really understood the relationship the three of them had. 

Eliot had quickly learned that while polygamy was the norm in his time in Fillory, it was still in the beginning stages of acceptance in this time period. Mostly everyone was okay with it, but nobody fully understood just yet. Most seemed to think Arielle had been dating both Quentin and Eliot while she decided who to marry. Now that she had made her choice in Quentin, Eliot was the sad runner-up they let stay with them. Dent had been trying to set Eliot up since the wedding. He had cooled off a bit after Arielle blew up at him a few weeks back. He figured someone who grew up with Arielle, would know not to make her mad. Dent never really put much into thinking though. 

“Yeah I live there too,” Eliot said. He didn’t really feel up to starting a conversation, but Garrett did have a beautiful smile. 

“I’ve always heard about the mosaic, never really thought about the people that try to solve it.” Garrett stuck his hands in his pockets and tilted his head back a little as he seemed to think back to how many had come before them. The sun caught his face in just the right way that Eliot could see a splash of light freckles across his nose and Eliot almost tripped over his feet. “Do you think you’ll actually do it?” Eliot was facing those green eyes again and he found himself smiling.

“That’s the plan.” He said with a shrug. “We wouldn’t be here if we weren’t going to finish it.” Garrett’s smile seemed to widen.

“Determined,” He said, sounding impressed. “I like that.” Eliot nodded, standing a little straighter. 

“How many others have you seen try it?” He asked. 

“I’ve only met the last guy,” Garrett said. “He was a weird one.” Eliot chuckled, he remembered the poor guy who had been there before them. According to Arielle, he had lasted about two years before they showed up. She stopped trying to sell her peaches to him because each time she saw him, his frustration would grow and he got meaner each passing week.

“You and your friend have been at it for a while though right?” Garrett asked.

“About four years, getting close to five,” Eliot said and Garrett let out a low whistle.

“Wow,” he said. “That’s dedication. You guys really want the prize that much?” Eliot looked away from him. Sometimes it was hard to remember that they actually were doing this for something. In the early days, it was all they thought about it. It was how they pushed through that first horrible year. Get the key, get back home, get magic back. Lately, though, it just felt like it was something they did because it was what they did every day. He was beginning to realize, especially since Rupert had been born; they barely mentioned the quest or the key. Even worse, their friends.

“Hey, you ok?” Garrett put his hand on Eliot’s elbow and stopped them. “You went away there for a second.” Eliot ran a hand through his hair and shook his head.

“Sorry,” He said. “Just...loaded question.” he smiled then continued to walk down the path that led out of the village.

“Noted,” Garrett said catching up with him. “Changing the subject, Arielle’s husband seems like a nice guy. What’s his name again.” Eliot bit his lip, Arielle’s husband. That was how others now saw him he guessed. 

“Quentin,” Eliot told him.

“Right,” Garrett said. “And I heard she had her baby, that’s pretty great. How are the happy parents?” Eliot laughed awkwardly. He never knew if he needed to correct anyone when this came up. Arielle’s parents still didn’t see Eliot as anything other than “Uncle Eliot” and most of the families from the other farms didn’t even think to ask what his role in Rupert’s life was. 

“They’re great.” He said quickly, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Garrett squinted at him.

“Did I ask the wrong question again?” He asked. 

“No,” Eliot said quickly, hoping to reassure him. “Sorry, they really are great. Rupert is a really amazing baby too.” There was no sarcasm there, and Eliot smiled for real as he spoke about his son.

“That’s wonderful,” Garrett said with a bright smile. “So you don't mind living with their baby?” Eliot stopped walking this time and shifted the bag he carried on his shoulder to the other side. He didn’t look at Garrett, he didn’t want him to see his face until he was sure the anger that had welled up wasn’t showing.

“Wow,” Garrett said stopping next to him. “I’m really asking all the right questions aren’t I?” He laughed nervously and the anger left Eliot immediately. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Eliot said quickly. “Rupert’s teething, blame my bad behavior on lack of sleep.” Garrett nodded, he ducked his head down and when he looked back at Eliot his eyes seemed to almost be glowing they were so bright. Eliot just smiled right back.

“I promise not to hold it against you,” Garrett said, those dimples making Eliot actually giggle. Realizing that he did, he quickly cleared his throat.

“Thanks,” Eliot said. He looked away from Garrett and his dimples and green eyes, instead focusing on the path in front of him.

“I’m asking for slightly selfish reasons,” Garrett said and Eliot looked back up now wondering where this was going to go. “My brother recently got married as well. He’s moving and is giving me his house and it has a spare room. If you ever thought about getting out of there I can offer fair rent.” Eliot relaxed just a bit.

“I really need to stay close to the mosaic,” Eliot said. 

“It’s not that far,” Garrett said quickly. “You could easily go back and forth. You could still work on that puzzle.” Eliot stopped walking and let the bag he was carrying drop to the ground.

“It’s not about the puzzle, I don’t want to leave.” Eliot explained. “Look, I don’t know what you’ve heard from Dent, but it’s my home and they’re my family.” Garrett bit his lip just a little, squinting his eyes at Eliot for a second. Then smiled sweetly at him.

“I understand,” he said. Eliot smiled back and pulled the bag back onto his shoulder. They continued walking together. “If you know anyone who is looking for a place though. I could really use the help.” Eliot nodded with a chuckle.

“I’ll send them your way.” He said. They walked in a comfortable silence for a few moments.

“So, family?” Garrett asked. “Family in what kind of way?” Eliot looked over at him.

“That is a long story,” Eliot said. Garrett just nodded.

“Maybe you could tell me about it sometime.” He said. “I’m staying at the inn until my brother has moved out his things. We should get a drink together sometime. If you ever wanted to talk.” Eliot just nodded, not really sure what to do with that. It wasn’t like he couldn’t, he and Quentin were obviously not monogamous, but he had a gut feeling inside that he shouldn’t. 

It would be nice though, to have someone to talk to about what’s been going on. To have a friend outside of Quentin and Arielle. There was that part of him, the part that he kept all his feelings about Margo locked inside, that wanted to find a friend he could talk about the things he couldn’t talk to Quentin about. Arielle had been that for him when they first met, back when she was still with Lunk. But since she had joined them, and was now the mother of his child, he suddenly felt like he couldn’t talk to her in the same things they used too. He needed someone he could complain too about the things that pissed his off. Someone who could tell him that he was crazy for feeling like he did or could agree with him that Quentin was being an ass. 

“That might be nice.” He said slowly and Garrett grinned. 

“Great,” He said excitedly. “I should really get back, but it was really nice to meet you.” He stuck out his hand and Eliot shook it. His grip was strong and hands felt so different from Quentin's. 

“Same,” Eliot said back. Garrett turned to walk back to the village but he looked over his shoulder one last time at Eliot.

“I’ll see you around.” He smiled brightly and then winked ever so slightly. Eliot stood where he was and watched him for a few moments. Then he shook his head with a small smile and headed back home.

 

****************************************

When Eliot finally made it home, he found Arielle tending to the garden and Quentin sitting on a chair next to the mosaic with Rupert in his lap. Rupert was facing him and with Quentin’s help, was standing on Quentin’s knees with a huge smile on his face. Quentin held Rupert’s hands and brought his arms above his head as Rupert laughed at whatever Quentin was saying to him. Arielle laughed at the two of them as she watched over her shoulder. Eliot smiled watching them, trying his best to block out the loneliness that was threatening to overcome him.

Rupert seemed to notice him first. His face turned toward Eliot and he let out a squeal, his arms reaching out to where he stood. Quentin turned as Rupert started making these little-frustrated grunts and smiled seeing Eliot walking forward.

“Look who’s back little man!” Quentin said standing as Eliot came up to them. Rupert reached out his arms as far as he could get them and Eliot’s heart melted. It would never stop amazing him at the way he felt when Rupert smiled at him. “Someone missed you.” Quentin passed Rupert over to Eliot and Rupert practically melted into him.

“Hey, buddy,” Eliot said softly, placing a kiss on the top of his head and breathing in that intoxicating baby smell. He looked up to see Quentin smiling at him with such a look of pride that all thoughts of green eyes and dimples fled Eliot’s mind.

“I missed you too,” Quentin said almost shyly and Eliot grinned.

”Right back at ya,” He leaned into Quentin and kissed him. Arielle came up from behind Eliot and grabbed the bag that Eliot had dropped down at his feet.

“Did you get everything?” She asked hauling the bag onto her own shoulder.

“Everything including the cherries you like,” Eliot said as Rupert started happily grabbing at his face. Quentin giggled at his son's actions and leaned on Eliot’s shoulder, wrapping an arm around his waist as he watched Rupert.

“You are amazing,” Arielle said brightly and kissed his cheek. Eliot felt like for just this moment, everything had righted itself and gone back to how things used to be. “I’ll put everything away. You have a rest, someone missed his dad.” Arielle headed inside and Eliot let his cheek rest against Quentin’s head, his hair warm from the sun. 

“How’s the mosaic coming along?” Eliot asked looking over at the mosaic. 

“It’s getting there. Might finish this one by tomorrow.” They worked slower these days because of Rupert. They used to average a pattern a day, but now it was a pattern every other day. Sometimes they would work almost a week on one. In the past, if they ever went this slow it would send Quentin into a panic that Eliot would have to reassure him that everything would be fine. Now Quentin barely seemed to notice. “I’ll go help Arielle and then you and I can tackle it. Maybe we can finish it tonight.” He smiled brightly and then kissed Eliot quickly before walking back inside. Eliot watched him, trying to ignore the ache he felt from the loss of Quentin’s weight against him. Rupert reached up and grabbed Eliot’s hair, giving it a forceful tug.

“Ouch,” Eliot said with a laugh. Rupert blew spit bubbles at him and Eliot shrugged. “Okay, I get it. I promise not to pout.” Rupert just gave him a drooly smile and Eliot shook his head. He moved over to one of the chairs around the mosaic. Sitting down he started bouncing Rupert on his knee who giggled happily. After a few minutes, he started to wonder what was taking Quentin so long. They should have been done unloading everything by now. He got up and looked at the house. Through the window, he saw Quentin and Arielle in an embrace. Quentin pulled back and started to kiss her, lightly at first but quickly turned more passionate. More passionate than Eliot had seen from Quentin in a while. 

He didn’t feel jealous, not really, but he felt hurt. He felt in a way, abandoned. Like he did when he was left alone in Fillory for the first time. Never knowing when his friends would come back and that the loneliness he felt would never be eased. Rupert rest his head on Eliot’s shoulder and started sucking on his hand, almost seeming to pick up on Eliot’s mood and was doing his best to be comforting.

“Alright Rupert,” Eliot said turning away from the window. “How about you and I work on the mosaic? You like that idea?” His answer was a large glob of drool falling down his arm. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He moved over and sat by the mosaic, Rupert in his lap, and his back turned to the house.

 

******************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been weirdly nervous about this story so I really hope everyone will like it. Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

This was it. Quentin knew he had the right pattern this time. He could feel it in his bones. The beauty of all life, he had figured it out. They were finally getting the key and they were finally going home. He looked around excitedly, he didn’t see Eliot but knew he was nearby. He called out to him, telling him he had it and to get ready. Placing another tile his heart speed up so much it felt like it would burst out of his chest.

“Quentin?” Quentin dropped the tile he was holding as a shadow came into view. “What are you doing?” He knew that voice. He had known it for almost his whole life.

“Jules?” He whispered. He looked at the familiar silhouette and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. Looking up, there she was, just as he remembered her. Her long brown hair fell down over her shoulders as she bent down to him. He felt a strange pull of nostalgia go through him as she reached out her hand to him and he saw her tattoos, like somehow seeing them made her presence real for him. He took her hand and tears fell from his eyes at the feel of her hand against his. “How are you here?” She didn’t answer at first, instead, she seemed to be peering deep inside him. He started to feel uncomfortable with her gaze. She hadn’t let go of his hand and her touch was slowly turning cold.

“What are you doing?” She finally asked. Quentin squinted his eyes in confusion.

“The quest, Jules,” He said. “The key sent us here. I’ve got it though, I have it figured out. We’re about to get the key!” Julia only looked more confused. “How did you get here?” He had to know.

“You took to long Q,” She tilted her head as she spoke, her frown deepening. “It’s too late. Magic is gone and so are we.” Fear clutched at Quentin’s chest and he shook his head.

“No, I have it, I know I have it, Jules.” He looked at the mosaic, the tiles were there but suddenly everything was white. He could no longer see it, the beauty of all life was gone. “I had it! Jules, I can still fix this.” He turned back to her desperately now, clutching at her, their hands still linked.

“It won’t work, you made your choice,” Julia said slowly. “You can never go back”

“What do you mean? What choice?” Quentin asked tugging his hand back but Julia held tightly. She didn’t say anything to him but she looked just over his shoulder and the soft sounds of Rupert’s cries reached Quentin’s ears. Slowly he turned his head and Arielle was standing behind him holding Rupert. Arielle looked confused and hurt, Rupert was screaming in her arms.

“You chose them,” Julia said and Quentin looked back at her. “The quest is over Q, we lost.” Now she let go of his hand. His arm suddenly felt too heavy for him to hold up and it swung uselessly at his side.

“No Julia!” He said stumbling after her. His feet had the same heavy feeling as his arm and he struggled to walk. She kept going, not looking back. He had to get her to see that he could do this. He and Eliot could do this. “Eliot!” He called out, he needed his help. “Eliot! Where are you?” Stopping he looked around but he couldn’t see him anywhere.

“It’s too late Q,” Julia said, she was facing him but now her face was obscured by what seemed to be a branch. Twigs and leaves now were what had once been her face. He squinted to see if he could see past it but there was nothing else there. “Eliot can’t leave either. He chose you. Margo said to tell him he always made the wrong choices.”

“No, no, we can do this,” Quentin said panic seeping in. “If I can just find Eliot, we can finish it. We can do this.” He spun around looking everywhere but Eliot was still nowhere to be seen. “Eliot!” He screamed. Looking back, he saw Julia was gone and Quentin fell to his knees.

“No,” He whispered. He closed his eyes and willed Julia to come back. He would even hold her cold hand. He just wanted her to come back. When he opened his eyes Eliot was standing in front of him with his back turned to Quentin. “Eliot,” He suddenly had the strength to stand. “Fuck, Eliot.”

Eliot turned around slowly and Quentin let out a sob. Eliot’s face was gone. It wasn’t a bundle of leaves and sticks like Julia’s had been, it was nothing. Eliot’s eyes that had become his anchor to sanity during this whole ordeal were gone and Quentin tried to reach out to him but found he couldn't. He looked at the short distance between them and tried reaching out again. He should have been able to get to him, but he couldn’t. His feet wouldn’t move forward either. He was stuck.

“Eliot I can’t see you.” He whispered. “Please, I need your help. Don’t disappear on me now.” Eliot didn’t say anything, Quentin wasn’t sure if he could if he had wanted too. Eliot made no move to let him know that he had even heard Quentin. Then he turned around again and started to walk away.

“No, Eliot!” Quentin cried out desperately. “Don’t leave, come back here. Eliot!” But he was gone. He looked behind and saw that Arielle and Rupert were still there, but deep inside him, he knew he was actually alone.

*************************************

Quentin woke with a gasp and shot up in bed. He was shaking all over and he had to take a few heaving breaths before he was even fully aware of where he was. He looked around and saw he was home. He was in his bed, the warm breeze from Fillory was wafting in from the window. It had been a dream. Of course, it had been a dream. He sunk back in relief and swallowed the bile in the back of his throat.

Looking to his left he saw Arielle was still asleep. He smiled, besides Rupert’s cries, she could sleep through anything. He craned his neck to see over her and to the cradle that sat next to the bed. Rupert was sleeping soundly for once. The tooth that had been giving him the most trouble had finally come in. They would all have some peace now before the next one started working its way through. He rolled over to his right, wanting to cling onto Eliot, to erase the dream from his mind; but Eliot’s side of the bed was empty. His quick panic was stopped when he saw a glow coming from outside. He got up and padded across the room to the window. Eliot was sitting by the fire pit, poking at it with a stick. Frowning, and with the chill still left from his nightmare, Quentin grabbed a shirt and walked outside.

Eliot didn’t look up when Quentin stepped out the door. He kept his eyes firmly locked on the fire in front of him. Quentin didn’t say anything as well. Tugging his shirt over his head he took a seat next to Eliot on the ground leaning back against the log that Eliot was choosing not to sit on. Neither said anything for what seemed like a long time and Quentin finally looked over at him.

“What are you doing up?” he asked.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Eliot said and then shifted his gaze over to Quentin. “What about you?”

“Same,” Quentin said kicking at a few dry leaves on the ground. Eliot looked him up and down and shook his head.

“You had a bad dream,” Eliot said turning back to the fire. Quentin snorted and took the stick away from Eliot and started poking at the fire himself.

“Why would you think that?” He asked.

“Because you have your, _“I just had a really bad dream but I’m not going to talk about it because it might mean something I don’t want it too”_ face on.” Quentin looked over at him and Eliot smiled proudly.

“Well, you are doing your classic _“I’m having real emotions but I suck at feeling things so I am going to isolate myself to pout and drink it away” bit.”_ Quentin shot back. Eliot looked at him and then slowly smiled.

“Touche,” he said nodding and then poured Quentin a cup of carrot wine. Quentin laughed and took the cup. “Want to tell me about your dream?” Eliot asked and Quentin took a drink quickly.

“Why can’t you sleep?” He asked, trying to act like Eliot had never asked him anything. Eliot shot him a look.

“Changing the subject?” he asked.

“Simply showing my concern,” Quentin said holding up a hand in surrender. Eliot rolled his eyes with a smile and Quentin grinned as he took another drink.

“Just,” Eliot said with a sigh and he looked beyond the fire now and out into the darkness. “A lot on my mind.” Quentin stared down at his hands. He knew that he was the main reason for Eliot’s anxiety and he felt guilt creep into him.

“Anything you want to talk about?” he asked. Eliot looked at him in this guarded kind of way that Quentin had seen more of lately.

“Do you think I can flip my answer into asking if you wanted to talk about anything thereby conveniently relieving me the responsibility of having to answer that question?” Eliot challenged. Quentin laughed lightly and moved closer to him.

“You could.” He said with a shrug. “But then I would just swing it right back at you. We really wouldn’t get anywhere.” Eliot moved closer now, they were sitting shoulder to shoulder. Quentin just smiled and Eliot shook his head and finally made real eye contact with Quentin. He finally felt the chill from the nightmare leave him and he pushed himself even closer to Eliot’s side. Eliot snorted and wrapped an arm around Quentin.

“And Arielle says we don’t know how to communicate,” he said and Quentin laughed, dropping his head on Eliot’s shoulder. Now a more comfortable silence fell over them and Quentin felt like in the glow of the fire, the world had righted itself again.

“How was the village?” Quentin asked. He had realized that he hadn’t even asked him earlier. He had been so focused on Rupert and Arielle for most of the evening. Rupert was happy for the first time in weeks and they all had been so relieved they just sat and watched him laugh all evening. Eliot had been there as well, but Quentin hadn’t even said a word to him since they had discussed the pattern they would try tomorrow.

“It was the same as always,” Eliot said resting his chin on Quentin’s head. “I saw those rocks you were telling me about. I still don’t get it. Who do you think it looks like?”

“Martin Landau,” Quentin sighed. “How can you not see it?” Quentin had found a group of rocks on the path to the village that looked just like the actor, Eliot was literally the only person in Fillory who would get it too.

“Yeah,” Eliot said slowly. “Honestly I don’t know who that is.” Quentin frowned at him.

“Oh come on,” he said. “He’s been in a ton of stuff, you’d know him if you saw him.”

“I guess the rocks don’t look like him then,” Eliot said shrugging. Quentin scoffed and wiggled a bit under Eliot’s arm.

“He was in Mission Impossible,” Quentin said.

“Tom Cruise?” Eliot asked looking even more confused right now.

“The tv show.” Eliot just raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

“You lost me.” He admitted. Quentin dropped his head backward with a sigh.

“Forget it.” He groaned. “What I wouldn’t give for google right now.” Eliot laughed and gently pushed Quentin’s head back up, letting his fingers linger in his hair. His eyes suddenly shone with nerves.

“I, uh, I sort of, you know when I was there,” Eliot stammered, his eyes dropping down, his fingers curling in Quentin’s hair. “I met someone.” Quentin sat up, Eliot’s hand dropping as he did.

“Met someone?” He asked the chill from before was suddenly coming back. “What do you mean?” Eliot pulled his arm from Quentin’s shoulder and wrung his hands together almost nervously. Quentin felt his stomach drop, Eliot wouldn’t be nervous if Quentin had no reason to be upset.

“Just this guy,” Eliot said suddenly trying to play it off as no big deal after seeing Quentin clench up. “He’s a friend of Dent’s I guess. He’s going to be moving into his brother's house soon, so just a new neighbor.” Quentin rolled his eyes at Dent’s name. Of course, Dent had probably sent some hot single guy Eliot’s way and would just be claiming to help if confronted by it.

“Dent’s friend?” Eliot shrugged and gave Quentin a look that showed that Eliot at least thought the same as Quentin and that made him relax a little. “Sorry,” He muttered.

“I thought you should know,” Eliot said. “He asked if we could get drinks sometime and I said yes.” Quentin ran his hand over the top of his head, his hands itching suddenly with nervous energy. He knew the rules they had set out for their relationship. Eliot was free to _have drinks_ with whoever he chose too. Quentin never wanted to tie him down, he knew what he and Eliot had was not threatened by them seeing other people. Eliot was the one who had to live with Quentin’s wife. Had been the best man at his wedding. He had to share their bed and raise their child. Quentin had no right to lay sole claim on Eliot. He knew this and really believed this was the best way for their relationship to go. It didn’t make the thought of sharing Eliot easy though.

“Well, thanks for telling me,” Quentin said forcing a smile on his face. Eliot smiled back, but Quentin could tell he saw right through him.

“He knows that you and our family comes first,” Eliot said. “You know I would never-especially not someone Dent probably is trying to set me up with. I’m always honest.” Quentin nodded quickly, he took Eliot’s hand and tried to clamp down his discomfort so Eliot would know he really did trust him.

“I know,” he said. “I know, you don’t have to explain and you are free to do whatever. I understand.” Eliot smiled, a kind of smile that Quentin really hadn’t seen in a while.

“When are you going to have drinks with him?” he asked, trying to keep his trusting, go with the flow attitude to keep that smile on Eliot’s face. Even though he could feel the green-eyed monster wanting to peek out.

“I don’t know,” Eliot said turning away from him and back to the fire. “It probably won’t even happen. I just thought-” he trailed off and his eyes drifted up to the sky that was showing the first hints that sunrise could be coming.

“You thought what?” Quentin asked, threading his fingers through Eliot’s.

“I thought it would be nice, to have a friend, you know?” Quentin did know. He knew this was Eliot’s way of talking about Margo, even just for a second. He didn’t mention her much lately, but Quentin could see the pain in his eyes when he thought of her. Quentin just nodded, he didn’t need to say anything. It was how they could deal with missing their friends and with the dream he just had he was afraid if he started to talk about her, his own fears would come spilling out.

“Well, I guess I hope you get to have those drinks then.” Quentin finally said. Eliot looked at him with an amused grin. Quentin just rolled his eyes and Eliot laughed.

“Looks like the sun will be up soon,” Eliot said, looking back to the sky. “I’m going to try to get a little sleep before that. What about you?” Quentin felt a chill go through him at the prospect of going back to sleep and he pulled his arms around himself.

“I’m going to stay out here,” he said. Eliot looked like he wanted to ask him more questions about his dream but thankfully, he let it go.

“Alright,” Eliot stood up and started to walk back inside but Quentin grabbed his hand as he walked by him. Eliot looked down at him and Quentin tugged him down to him so they were face to face.

“I know where I am in your heart,” Quentin said softly and Eliot smiled. It was something that Eliot would always say in the early days of Quentin and Arielle’s courtship. When Quentin was racked with guilt that he was hurting Eliot unnecessarily. No matter how many times Eliot would say it was ok, Quentin didn’t believe him.

 _“I know I where I am in your heart Quentin Coldwater,”_ he said on the night when Quentin realized he loved Arielle. _“I also know how big your heart is, it’s ok to let someone else in. There’s more than enough room”._

Quentin pulled Eliot to him and kissed him. He clutched at the side of Eliot’s face, kissing him with more ferocity than he had in a while and he could almost feel Eliot’s surprise before he dropped down to his knees and returned the same intensity. For just that moment, in the quiet twilight of the morning, all of their problems and walls they had built were gone. The distance between them seemed to have grown some temporary bridge and they were just them again. Two out of time questers, trying to make it through this together. The rest of it didn’t matter.

**********************************************

 

“One day, you will crumble to my will.” Eliot was saying as he placed another tile. He smiled at Quentin who was perched above him on the latter. Quentin shook his head and looked back to the notebook in front of him.

“Look, you know how I feel about this,” he said. “I just really don’t think it’s what the quest is asking for.”

“That’s your problem Q,’ Eliot said picking up another tile and tapping it against his chin with a playful smile. “You have to show some imagination.” Quentin snorted and looked down at him.

“I just really don’t think a dick is the beauty of all life.” he pointed out. Eliot looked at him suggestively.

“Isn’t it?” Quentin laughed and shook his head.

“Just keep going with the red.” He said. Eliot chuckled to himself and got back to work. Quentin looked toward the house. Arielle was in there giving Rupert a bath after he had gotten most of his lunch in his hair. The dream from the night before almost felt like it never happened now. It had been an almost perfect day so far. He and Eliot even seemed to be on the same page again. He looked back down at Eliot, ready to give him the next instruction when he saw Eliot was looking off into the distance. He turned to look to see what had distracted him and saw a man walking their way. Quentin looked back at Eliot, who was slowly standing and a shy smile was coming across his face.

“I finally made it!” The strange man said coming to a stop a few feet from the mosaic. “I hope I’m not intruding.” He looked up at Quentin for the first time. Quentin looked him over. He was tall, muscular and pretty much could be a living sculpture of the perfect man. He looked over at Eliot who was trying not to grin like a lovestruck idiot.

“No, of course not,” Eliot said. He looked up at Quentin and motioned him to come down. “Quentin, this is Garrett, the one I told you about.” Garrett looked up with a friendly smile and Quentin had to mash down his desire to punch him in his perfect face.

“Hi,” Quentin mumbled and jumped awkwardly down from the latter.

“Garrett,” Eliot said turning back to his friend. “This is Quentin.” Garrett stepped forward, thrusting his hand out with that big, perfect smile.

“We’ve actually met,” he said. “But it’s nice to properly meet you.” He grabbed Quentin’s hand and shook it vigorously. Quentin shook his hand back suspiciously.

“When have we met?” he asked.

“At your wedding, so it was brief.” Garrett let go of his hand and casually put his hands in his pocket. His calm and laid back vibe only seemed to put Quentin more on edge.

“Well, you must not have left much of an impression then,” Quentin said trying to sound like he was making a joke but it came out pretty sarcastic. Garrett just laughed good-naturedly but over his shoulder, Eliot frowned at him. Quentin nervously tucked some loose hair behind his ear and quickly went on. “So what brings you here Garrett?”

“The mosaic actually,” he said looking over at it. “I’ve always heard the tale and Eliot and I were talking about it yesterday.” He turned and smiled at Eliot. Quentin cleared his throat loudly and Garrett turned back. “He told me how long you guys have been at it. It’s very impressive. I really admire the true dedication.” Quentin glanced at the smile on Eliot’s face and bit his lip in frustration.

“Well, that’s what it takes to complete something like this.” He said tightly. “And I can assure you I dedicate myself to what I care about.” He looked right into Garrett’s green eyes, which Quentin knew Eliot had a thing for green eyes and crossed his arms. Garrett just smiled, looking over at Eliot for some kind of encouragement.

“Alright boys,” Eliot said stepping forward. He put a hand on Quentin’s shoulder and gave it a not so gentle squeeze. “That’s enough introductions I think.” Garrett laughed a little nervously and Quentin tried not to smile.

“So Garrett,” Eliot said brightly. “You came all this way to see the mosaic?” Garrett ran a hand nervously through his hair and chuckled.

“Well, that and also to talk to you,” He eyed Quentin. “If that’s okay I mean.” Quentin opened his mouth but Eliot spoke up before he could say anything.

“Of course,” Eliot shot Quentin a look and then took Garrett by the arm. “Let’s go somewhere more private.” He gently tugged Garrett with him and they walked to the edge of the woods, far enough away to speak alone. Quentin let out a frustrated sigh and made his way back to the mosaic and dropped to the ground. He picked up the discarded tile Eliot had been holding and put it in its place.

“Who’s that Eliot's talking too?” Quentin hadn’t heard Arielle come out, but she stood at the door, Rupert on her hip, and looked out to where Eliot and Garrett were talking.

“His name is Garrett,” Quentin said not looking up from the tiles he was placing. “He and Eliot met yesterday in the village. Your brother apparently knows him and told him all about Eliot obviously.” Arielle shifted Rupert to her other hip and sighed.

“I talked to Dent.” She reminded him. “I explained that Eliot and you are not over just because we got married.”

“Yeah and then his friend just shows up and starts flirting with him like he was some single guy on the market” Quentin snapped sitting up on his knees. Arielle shot him a dark look and Quentin closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Eliot is allowed to do whatever he wants Quentin,” Arielle said slowly. “And my brother may not completely understand what is between you two, half the time I don’t think you two don’t even know.” Quentin rolled his eyes and that got another glare from Arielle. “But he would never intentionally try to hurt this family. If he told this Garrett guy anything it would be that Eliot is a great guy and someone he might be friends with.” Quentin nodded. He may not like Dent all that much, but the man was not unkind in any way.

“You’re right,” He admitted and met her gaze and she nodded.

“Whatever Eliot is going to do with him, you will be supportive.” She said going on. “He’s only ever shown you that.”

“I know,” Quentin said rubbing his eyes. “I’ll get over it. It’s just-” He looked over at Garrett and Eliot talking and shook his head. “That guy is just, he’s like perfect, completely opposite of me and I guess I just feel like how could Eliot like someone like him and me at the same time.” Arielle seemed to soften then and walked over to him and handed Rupert to him. Rupert squealed in happiness and his hands started grabbing at Quentin’s hair. Quentin smiled, his worry fading away.

“He’s good looking I’ll give him that,” Arielle said sitting next to him. “But I’ll let you in on a secret that only myself and Eliot know.”

“What’s that?” Quentin asked.

“That loving you isn’t based on superficial things like looks and muscles.” She said slipping her arm through his. “It’s deep and real and you offer more love than either of us deserve.” She leaned up and kissed him lightly. “So don’t go selling yourself so short.” Quentin smiled and then kissed her.

“Thank you.” She nodded and kissed him again a little deeper this time. Rupert started to wiggle in Quentin’s lap and when he pulled back from Arielle he saw Eliot walking up to them. He saw that Garrett was already out of sight.

“Where’s your friend?” he asked. Eliot gave him a tight smile, obviously still not happy with how Quentin had been acting.

“He had to get going,” Eliot said. “But he and I decided to have drinks at the bar in the village tonight. If that’s alright.” He looked nervously at Quentin.

“That sounds really nice,” Arielle said brightly. “Doesn’t it Quentin?” She nudged him and Quentin blinked a few times.

“Yeah, oh yeah, of course, it does.” He said quickly. He saw Eliot and Arielle share a look.

“He doesn’t sound convincing,” Eliot said to her.

“Yeah, well, what did you expect.” She said with a shrug. Quentin frowned.

“You know, I’m right here.” He said annoyed. Eliot chuckled and Arielle kissed his cheek.

“I will speak for both of us then since Quentin is having his feelings right now,” Arielle said standing up. “Have a good night.” She kissed him on the cheek and then went over and picked up Rupert. “Come on baby, you dads have to get back to work.” Eliot smiled at Arielle gratefully and kissed Rupert’s head as they walked by. He faced Quentin again once they had gone back inside.

“Q?” He asked. Quentin nodded, he knew he needed to just push past this and be supportive. Besides, it was just drinks, anything other than that hadn’t even been brought up. Earlier when Eliot had talked about him, he had only said friend so Quentin stood and put on his most supportive smile.

“It’s fine,” He said. “And you never have to ask. You’re free to do whatever.” Eliot reached out and took Quentin’s hand.

“I may be free to do whatever Q,” he said seriously. “But I care about your feelings. You know that right?” Quentin couldn’t deny that and he nodded, leaning into Eliot.

“I’m sorry I was an ass,” he said.

“It’s alright,” Eliot said kissing his head. “You could make it up to me by agreeing to try a dick pattern." Quentin laughed and shoved Eliot aside.

“Let’s get back to work.” He said and climbed back up the latter. Eliot laughed and went back to where he had been placing tiles. Quentin shook his head and picked up the notebook.

“Red”

*************************************

Much later that evening, long after the sun had gone down, Quentin was still working on the mosaic. Eliot had left for the village shortly after they had put Rupert to sleep. Arielle sent him off like they were sending him to his first day of school or something. Quentin hadn’t said much, decided to busy himself with papers for the mosaic and just waved him off. Now it had been over two hours and Eliot was still gone. Quentin knew logically that took an hour each way so he really hadn’t been there as long, but how long did it take to have a drink? To keep his mind from overthinking he had decided working on the mosaic would help. It turned out not to be helping much. He was struggling to concentrate, his attention was on the path back from the village most of the time.

“Are you coming to bed?” Arielle asked, leaning on the doorframe.

“I want to work a little longer,” Quentin said not looking at her.

“It’s dark now.” She pointed out. With a quick movement from his hands, Quentin lit the torches he had going a little more and they got brighter. “Alright, but it is late.”

“I’ve got to finish this section,” Quentin said finally looking up. “It’ll bug me all night if I don’t.”

“The puzzle will bug you or Eliot will bug you?” Quentin stopped mid-placement of tile but didn’t look up.

“The puzzle,” he said and placed the tile. Arielle nodded and walked over to him.

“Right,” She said. “I got a letter from Mal earlier today.” Quentin looked up now. Mal was three years younger than Arielle and was probably the sister she was closest too. She was the one in the family who was most supportive and understanding of their relationship. She was also pregnant with her first baby and the father was off being trained for the royal guard. Once the baby was born, they would soon be moving closer to Castle Whitespire so her husband could become a royal guard.

“Is she alright?” Quentin asked, genuinely worried.

“She’s fine,” Arielle assured him. “She’s just going to have that baby any day now and she’s pretty nervous. The only one with her right now is our mother, and you can imagine how comforting that is.” Quentin smiled. It wasn’t that Arielle’s mother was a difficult woman. She was a strong, smart and good woman. She wasn’t the typical warm and fuzzy mother though. Arielle had always been the one in the family that offered the kind of emotional support their mother lacked. “So, I’m going to go and stay with her until the baby is born. I’ll stay for a week or so after to help her out for a bit. Her husband should be home within a few weeks.” Quentin dropped the tile he’d been holding and stood up.

“How long do you think you’ll be gone?” he asked.

“Two, three weeks tops,” Arielle said. “It’s a day and a half journey if we take Dent’s wagon. He’s offered to help too. We’ll be leaving the day after tomorrow.” Quentin folded his arms.

“That soon?” He said. “That’s short notice.”

“I need to help my sister.” She said. “And I’m taking Rupert.” Quentin looked up sharply and Arielle held up a hand. “I’m still nursing, he needs to stay with me.” Quentin nodded, turning his eyes away that had suddenly filled with tears.

“Yeah, of course,” he said, not wanting to voice his objection to being away from his son for that long. He knew it was a battle he wouldn’t win, and shouldn’t. Rupert did need to stay with Arielle right now. She came over to him and gently put her hand on his cheek to get him to look at her.

“You and Eliot need some time together.” She said firmly. “Between Rupert and the wedding, things have been very focused on you and me lately. Eliot has taken a backseat for months and I think it’s affected you two for too long.”

“It’s not that bad.” Quentin tried to protest.

“Oh really?” Arielle said looking at the mosaic. “If things were so great between you guys then do you think you'd be feeling this insecure about him having a drink with someone?” Quentin didn’t want to admit it, but she had a point. He may have been thrown by how attractive the guy was, but deep down Quentin knew that his jealousy was coming from a place that knew how off they had been. That this guy could be a real threat to them.

“Ok,” Quentin said. “I guess some time for us would be nice.” Arielle smiled and squeezed his hand. “We’ll miss you two though.” Quentin put an arm around her waist and pulled her closer.

“I’ll miss you guys too.” She said tucking her head on his shoulder. “But I think this will be really good for you.” Quentin smiled and kissed her forehead. He sometimes forgets how lucky he was to have her. “Now will you come to bed?” Quentin looked back at the path hoping Eliot would come walking up.

“Just a little bit longer.” He said and she nodded.

“Alright,” She said pulling away from him. “Just please, don’t drive yourself crazy. Trust him and remember that he has had to watch us together for two years now.” Quentin shifted uncomfortably and then dropped back down to the pile of tiles waiting to be placed.

“I don’t ever forget that.” He said quietly. Arielle didn’t respond to him. She ran a hand through her hair and turned back to the door.

“Don’t drive yourself crazy.” She said again as she walked back inside. Quentin looked where she had been standing and dropped a tile in frustration. He sat back and watched the path, hating himself every moment he did. He did trust Eliot, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that this guy would be trouble. He scrubbed at his eyes and groaned. He needed to let this go.

Turning back to the mosaic he picked up a tile and decided all his energy would go into this pattern. He wouldn’t think how Eliot was with a handsome Fillorian guy having drinks. He wouldn’t think how they had probably moved onto the bedroom and Eliot was making those noises that Quentin knew so well. He wasn’t writing under Garrett’s perfect body, screaming and getting more pleasure than Quentin could ever give him. Closing his eyes, he tried to ignore the mental image of their bodies locked together in an erotic embrace. More than that, he tried to ignore the tightness in his pants at the mental image. He tossed the tile aside and just stared at the path. Who the hell was he kidding anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos! I have been nervous about this story but all of that has kept me motivated! I hope everyone enjoys this and let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is finally here! Life and allergies have gotten in the way of this. I am entering my busy time at work and also with my life in general. My goal is to always get at least one chapter up a week, but if I don't then don't fear. I so much appreciate all the comments and kudos. It brings me so much joy you don't even know. I hope everyone will stick with me and enjoy this story!

When Eliot walked into the bar, he scanned the room looking for Garrett. The whole time he was fighting the urge to walk out. It was strange, but Eliot felt nervous. Why couldn’t Quentin have just given him his blessing instead of acting like a child that had been told no? He had done that for him two years ago when Arielle was suddenly single, and Quentin wanted to ask her out. Eliot had seen how much Quentin had been hurting at the time, and there was a chance that Arielle could make him happy. Quentin needed so much more than Eliot could give him and he wanted whatever was best for him. So no matter what he had felt at the time or continued to feel even now if it was what Quentin needed Eliot didn’t even think twice. Now Eliot needed something, drinks with a guy that made him feel like his old self again, and Quentin couldn’t hold off his jealousy long enough for Eliot to have a good time.

Now here he was, just drinks with a new friend and Eliot wanted to run. He was going to hurt Quentin, and that was the one thing he promised himself he would never do. Not again. Not after what happened before they went to Fillory and not after the mess he almost made of things during their first year here. His stomach felt like something was inside him, clawing at him to get out. He knew that if Quentin had just shrugged off all this as a simple thing like it was, he wouldn’t feel like this. Just for a second, he hated Quentin for making him feel this way.

“Eliot!” Garrett’s voice rang out, and Eliot spotted him at a table in the back of the bar. He stood up and waved him over, a huge smile on his face. “Come on over. I already ordered the first round!” Garrett seemed to possess this power to stop all of Eliot's overthinking. Seeing him made his nerves start to fade, and Eliot smiled as he made his way over. Quentin would just have to get over this because Eliot wasn’t turning back now.

“Hello Garrett,” Eliot said reaching the table. Garrett grinned and handed Eliot a shot glass full of what Eliot would have once guessed was vodka, but he knew that wasn’t a drink here. It was some form of tree whiskey that was stronger than most alcohol Eliot had tried in his life. If they ever made it back to their own time, Eliot’s number one mission was to find this stuff and throw whoever had been keeping it from him in the dungeon.

“I’m glad you could make it,” Garrett said and held up his shot glass. “To new friends.” Eliot nodded, and they clinked their glasses together. Eliot threw his shot back and grimaced as it burned all the way down. He started to cough, and Garrett laughed lightly, putting a hand on his shoulder, he guided Eliot into a seat. “Hope that wasn’t too much.”

“No,” Eliot said, his coughs calming down. “Believe it or not, I used to be quite the mixologist myself. My tolerance sadly hasn’t survived my new lifestyle.” Garrett chuckled as he took a seat across from Eliot.

“Well, we can work on that,” he said as he pushed a taller glass of mead over to Eliot. This drink Eliot knew was much milder, and he took it with a nod of thanks.

“We can,” he agreed as he took a drink. The mead was close to beer, which had never been Eliot’s favorite but after his time in Fillory, it was one he had grown to tolerate.

“I hope I didn’t make things awkward earlier when I stopped by,” Garrett said. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come unannounced.” Eliot quickly shook his head and reached out, covering Garrett’s hand with his own.

“No, don’t worry about it,” he assured him. “I was actually excited to see you.” Garrett nodded with a smile.

“I see what you meant when you said called them family,” Garrett said taking a sip of his drink. “Your guy really doesn’t like me does he?” Eliot snorted.

“It’s not like that,” he said.

“No, it’s like that,” Garrett chuckled and waved his hand. “It’s alright. I get it. If I were in his position-” He trailed off with a bit of a smile. He brought his glass to his lips and his eyes locked with Eliot’s over the brim. “But here you are. How does that work exactly?” Eliot set down his glass and folded his hands on the table.

“It works how it does,” he said. “We have rules, and we stick to the rules.”

“Rules like he gets married to someone else?” Eliot sighed and leaned back. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea. Garrett seemed to pick up on his tonal shift because he set his drink down and sat up a little straighter. “Shit, did I just offend you? I really didn’t mean too. I guess I was just trying to understand.”

Eliot thought back to when he had been set to marry King Idri, how confused he had been at Fen just going with it. Circumstances had been incredibly different, but a working polyamorous relationship like he was involved in was something he wouldn’t have been able to imagine himself. A relationship lasting longer than a few weeks was something Eliot would never have predicted for himself before coming here either. He also never would have thought he would have ended up again being the freak with constant reminders of how different he was. That was supposed to have been left behind in Indiana.

“How about we don’t talk about Quentin for right now.” Eliot said leaning forward again. “Our relationship is between he and I, that’s where I’d like to leave it. I hope you can see past all that and be able to enjoy there here and now with me.” Garrett smiled.

“I think I can do that,” he said. “Why don’t we just get to know each other. Where were you before the mosaic?” Eliot and Quentin had agreed to keep the past vague when they first arrived. They made a simple story and had stuck to it. Strangely, the people around them never seemed to care too much about where they came from since they were used to people coming throughout the years to try the mosaic. All from different places and for various reasons. Arielle was the only one who knew where they actually came from.

“School, actually,” Eliot said sitting up straighter and taking a drink. “Quentin and I were studying magic near the Retreat.” The Retreat, where they had left Quentin once upon a time, was far enough away that they had yet to run in from someone who could refute this story. Also, it was one of the only places where “studying magic” could believingly be done.

“That sounds amazing,” Garrett said clearly impressed. “Is that where you two met?”

“Yeah,” Eliot said smiling fondly. “He stumbled up to me on his first day, all lost and confused.” Eliot couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he thought about that day. It felt like a million years ago, but Eliot could still picture Quentin clearly in his mind, walking up to him all awkward and lost. Eliot had just barely kept his face neutral, he didn’t want to give away that the second their eyes met, Eliot’s heart started racing. He called dibs on him in that instant.

“Seems like it was good he found you,” Eliot blinked out of his memories and looked at Garrett who was giving him an easy smile.

“Sorry,” Eliot said shaking his head. “I said we shouldn’t talk about Q-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Garrett said waving a hand. “I asked about your past, and he’s apart of that. It’s unavoidable.” Eliot nodded and then Garrett held up his shot glass. Eliot followed suit, and they both threw back the drink. To Eliot’s relief, it didn’t burn as much this time.

“What about you?” Eliot asked setting his glass down. “Where are you from?”

“Nowhere near as exciting as a magic school,” Garrett said with a smile and Eliot chuckled. “My parents have a dairy farm about a day's journey west from here.”

“Oh come on,” Eliot said his nerves were all gone now. The shots, the mead, and the easy conversation was putting him at ease. “Cows are...exciting?” Both of them laughed, and Eliot shrugged, “Sorry, I tried.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Garrett said grinning. “I get it, I’ve led a simple life. I do have hopes and dreams that extend the farm though.” Eliot raised his eyebrows, impressed and took a drink of his mead.

“Hopes and dreams?” he asked. “What are your hopes and dreams?” Garrett smiled shyly, and Eliot felt suddenly reminded of Quentin. Back when they were at Brakebills before they knew that Fillory was a real place, if someone asked him seriously about it he would smile like he was so excited someone was asking him but dared not show how excited he was in fear of being teased. Eliot had always found that particular Quentin smile one of his favorites.

“Okay, don’t laugh.” Garrett said setting his drink down. “I want to be a palace guard someday.” Eliot smiled.

“Why would I laugh?” he asked, reaching forward and giving Garrett’s arm a reassuring pat. “That’s a pretty doable dream.” Garrett blushed slightly and just shrugged.

“It’s my parents,” he said. “I’m sure it’s coming from some place of love and not wanting me to be that far away from home, but they’ve always told me how impossible it was.” A wave of empathy came over Eliot as he watched the way Garrett’s eyes clouded over in a very familiar way. “They want me to take over the farm, not my older brother mind you. He is allowed to go off to Brass City to open his own store, but I have to settle for a boring life on the cow farm.” Eliot gently looped two of his fingers around Garrett’s index finger. He looked up at Eliot and gave him a grateful smile.

“Who says you have to settle?” Garrett nodded.

“I know,” he said. “My brother says the same thing. That’s why he’s having me move into his house. Step one is getting out on my own. Prove to our parents I can make it on my own.”

“That sounds like a plan,” Eliot said clicking his glass against Garrett’s. “What made you want to be a palace guard in the first place?”

“When I was a kid, my father took me to Castle Whitespire to petition the royal adviser for land usage for farmland,” Garrett explained. “And I fell in love with that place. It was amazing, and the people there were making changes and doing good things for Fillory. It inspired me.” It wasn’t the first time Eliot had heard someone talking about his Castle, but this was the first time someone had spoke about it in such awe.

“Really?” Eliot said smiling. Garrett nodded and took a drink.

“I know as a Fillorian I’ll never be able to rule Fillory obviously,” he said. Eliot felt himself flinch slightly. Thoughts of F.U. Fighters and unhappy Fillorians filled his mind, but here in this time, he hadn’t met anyone who seemed to oppose the current ruler, High King Henry. In his darker moments, Eliot would wonder if it was because this King was much better than him and he truly did fail as High King. “But whatever I can do to shape Fillory into something better than I want to be apart of that.”

“Well,” Eliot said raising his glass up a bit. “That is kind of inspiring.” Garrett laughed and clinked his glass against Eliot’s.

“So where were you before magic school?” Garrett asked.

“Believe it or not, but I too grew up on a farm.” For most of his life, Eliot had felt nothing but shame when he thought about this fact. It had been his deepest, darkest secret. He would gag on the words that he associated with his childhood, but coming here seemed to be changing him. He had started to appreciate the slower pace of the days. Life wasn’t about the perfect outfit for the perfect party. It also wasn’t as stressful as the life of a King with a whole land on his shoulders. Life was doing this puzzle and being with his family. He still had a lot of resentment and unhappiness attached to his childhood and probably always would. But he no longer blamed those feelings for being embarrassed about being from a farm.

“Where was this?” Garrett asked.

“Practically another planet,” Eliot said with a chuckle. “It wasn’t the best place to grow up though. I left home and never looked back.”

“What was wrong with it?” Garrett asked.

“It was a lot of things,” Eliot said looking down into his drink. “Mainly no one could handle that I was a little different.”

“Why are you different?” Garret asked. Eliot smiled at the innocence of his question. He remembered when he had tried to explain to Fen about the same thing and only received a blank stare in return. It was the thing he loved most about Fillory. They had no labels on sexuality instead just accepting the fact that it was a fluid thing that harmed no one. Fillory needed to move forward in more ways than Eliot could count, but this was where they got it right.

“Let's just say where I come from you and I, sitting together this close,” Eliot leaned in just a little more to emphasize his point. “Wouldn’t be looked on so mundanely as it is here.” Garrett just looked more confused. “What's considered as normal there is a man and a woman, not two men or two women,” Eliot explained further.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Garrett said shaking his head. Eliot shrugged and leaned back.

“Try telling that to my parents.” He took a drink, and Garrett gave him a sympathetic smile.

“It doesn’t sound like a very nice place.” He said.

“It isn’t all bad,” Eliot said “That way of thinking isn’t everywhere, and it’s changing. Plus, it has a lot of great things Fillory doesn’t have. Electricity, central air, Netflix, porn, plumbing.” Eliot grinned, and Garrett chuckled.

“Well all that sounds interesting,“ Garrett said clearly confused by all the things Eliot had listed. “Do you miss it?” That question surprised Eliot. Indiana, he definitely didn’t miss, but Earth itself was something he hadn’t really thought about that for a long time.

“It’s been so long since I was there,” he said.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t miss it,” Garrett said. “I have only been to Castle Whitespire once in my life, and I miss it every day.” Eliot nodded and took a drink with a shrug.

“I don’t miss it _that_ much,” he said.

“Your family. Don't you miss them?”

“My family is here.” Eliot reminded him.

“What about your parents?”Garrett asked. “Siblings? You must miss them.”

“I don't,” Eliot said easily. “And I can say with almost certainly that they feel the same way.”

“I love my family, they don't understand me sure, but they're my family, and I need them,” Garrett said leaning back.

“I never needed my family.” Eliot didn't miss the familiar look of pity flash across Garrett’s face. “Don't waste your time feeling sorry for me. I'm aware some people need their family to become who they are. That was just never me.” Garrett looked skeptical.

“You must have needed someone.” Eliot nodded, not looking at Garrett as he sipped his drink.

“Quentin.” It came out without him even thinking. He looked up and caught Garrett’s eyes. There seemed to be an unspoken acknowledgment from him that he wouldn’t comment on that. Eliot glanced away from him and put his attention on his glass in front of him.

“Well, wherever you came from and for whatever reason you’re here, I am glad you are,” Garrett said brightly. “I haven’t enjoyed a date this much in a long time.” Eliot slowly smiled and leaned forward.

“Are we calling this a date?” Eliot asked raising an eyebrow. “Or is this just a drink between new friends?” Garrett leaned in close, Eliot felt his warm breath against his face. He could smell him now, a mix of spice, trees and something Eliot couldn't place, so he figured it was something specific to Garrett.

“You tell me,” Garrett said, his voice low. His eyes were burning into Eliot’s. “You're the one with the rules remember.” Eliot looked into Garrett’s eyes, and he thought about Quentin. He thought about how to be happy, Quentin had needed somebody else, that Eliot wasn’t enough, he was never enough for Quentin. He thought about how when he asked for more he hadn’t gotten the same understanding back. He thought about how cute Garrett was and how easy it felt to be here with him. Then Eliot decided he wouldn’t think anymore.

“Date,” he said and then leaned in and kissed him. He felt different than Quentin, and Eliot was struck with the realization that it had been a long time since he had been with someone other than Quentin. There had been a guy during their first year, he was a passing traveler and had only been around for one day. Quentin had given him a high five after that. Shortly before Arielle and Quentin got together, Eliot fooled around with a clockmaker that was in the village for the afternoon. Other than that, he had been exclusive with Quentin.

The kiss felt good. It was intense and charged. It made Eliot feel like he was back at Brakebills, young and no concerns but to party and have fun. Kissing Garrett felt like a relief to the constant demons in his head. How he was scared about Rupert and wondering if he would be a good father. He was scared that Arielle was better for Quentin than he was. Mostly he was afraid that Quentin knew that she was better for him and that Eliot would be a terrible father. Kissing him felt like all of that was on hold and right now, he was allowed to have fun. Pulling back, he and Garrett both laughed.

“Date,” Garrett agreed. “Definitely a date.” Eliot nodded, and they kissed again.

***************************************

It was closer to dawn than it was to midnight when Eliot finally made his way down the path that led to the mosaic. He and Garrett had spent the night talking and laughing together. It had felt good to have fun for a night with someone there were not attachments too. He didn’t need to worry about Garrett’s well being. He didn’t have to worry that with one wrong move he could destroy the most important relationship he’d had in his entire life. He didn’t have the weight of all of magic and his friends on his shoulders. When he was with Garrett, he was just Eliot, a guy who could laugh and make out like a teenager in the back of movie theater.

The closer he got to home he noticed the light coming from one of the torches and Eliot rolled his eyes thinking Quentin had stayed up for him. Approaching the yard though he saw it was Arielle and Rupert. Arielle smiled, her face illuminated by the fire and Eliot smiled back. Rupert seemed to notice him next and started to try to crawl to him. He had yet to perfect his crawling, so he more just flopped around like a baby seal. Chuckling, he made it to his son in a few strides and scooped him up.

“What are you two party animals doing up?” he asked Rupert who grabbed his face gleefully.

“This little guy wanted to get up, and I wanted Quentin to sleep, so we came out here to play,” Arielle explained, stretching out her legs with a smile.

“I see,” Eliot said sitting down next to Arielle. “Keeping Mommy up, nice plan son.” Arielle bumped her shoulder against Eliot’s arm with a laugh, and he winked at her playfully.

“You had some of that tree whiskey didn’t you?” Eliot shrugged.

“It might be the greatest drink there ever was.” Arielle laughed, and Rupert started to chew on Eliot’s finger.

“So you had a good time?” She asked. Eliot looked at her nervously.

“I did,” he said. “Is it bad that I did?”

“No,” Arielle said quickly, grabbing his hand. “It’s wonderful. You deserve to have a good time. Don’t ever feel bad about that, no matter how our better half acts.” Eliot laughed and squeezed her hand.

“When did Q go to bed?” he asked.

“I dragged him in about two hours ago,” Arielle said leaning back on her hands. “He was going to wait for you.” Eliot snorted and tickled Rupert under his chin.

“I thought he would.” Arielle gave him a sympathetic look.

“You know he’s just worried that you’re going to leave him.” In his heart, Eliot knew this was true. That Quentin’s jealousy came from the same insecurities that Eliot had and was better at hiding. He sighed as he dropped his chin on Rupert’s head.

“I know,” he said. “I just wish he knew that I’m afraid of the same thing.” Neither spoke for a minute, the silence broken only by the suckling sounds coming from Rupert mixed with the nightly sounds of the woods all around them.

“Is it my fault?” Arielle spoke softly like she was afraid she wasn't allowed to ask this question.

“Your fault?” Eliot asked incredulously. “For what?”

“You know what I’m talking about Eliot,” She said turning to him now. “You and Quentin are not connecting like you used too. I’m not going to pretend that it didn’t happen until he and I got married.”

“Ari, I-”

“I would ask Quentin,” She interrupted him.”But it’s different between us. You will be honest with me in a way he can’t.” Her eyes shone in the torches light, and in the worst part of himself, Eliot wanted to tell her it was her fault.

They had agreed when she and Quentin had first started seeing each other that neither relationship would overshadow the other. They decided that none of them would get married since the implication would be that whichever two were married, were the more important couple. When Arielle had gotten pregnant though, all of that changed. Her family pressured her to marry, and Quentin wanted to step up and do the right thing. Sometimes Eliot wished they could go back to how it had been before, sometimes to even before Arielle. Eliot felt Rupert move in his lap and those thoughts flew from his mind. He didn’t care about it when he thought about Rupert because ultimately, he would never wish this child away.

“It’s not your fault.,” He finally told her honestly. “It’s mine and Q’s. We’re the ones who can’t seem to get our shit together.” He reached over and took Arielle’s hand. “You came along and showed us how much bigger our lives could be. It could be so much more than just the two of us. I know sometimes it’s hard for us to see past that, but it is not your fault. You made our lives better. I promise you that Ari.” She smiled, tears filling her eyes and she leaned over and put her head on his shoulder.

“You two do need to get your shit together.” She said and Eliot laughed, bringing her hand up to his lips and kissed it. “Which you will be able to do after tomorrow.”

“Why is that?” he asked. She pulled back to look at him.

“I’m going to my sisters to help with the birth and to help with the baby for a little bit.” She explained. “Rupert is coming with me so you and Quentin will have the whole place to yourself for a few weeks.” She smiled, but Eliot felt his stomach drop, and he hugged Rupert closer to him.

“A few weeks?” he asked.

“Don’t try to lie to me and say you haven’t been dying to get Quentin alone for a while now,” Arielle said. She was right about that, though the thought of it was a little intimidating if he was honest. His real worry though was in his lap.

“Yeah,” he said slowly, and he looked down at the now sleeping Rupert. Their son had fallen asleep in his arms, sucking peacefully on Eliot’s thumb. “Couldn’t Rupert stay?” Arielle smiled sweetly and then leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

“I’ve got the milk.” she reminded him. “But he will miss you. We all know who his favorite parent is.” Eliot rolled his eyes with a smile and Arielle brought her hand to his cheek. “Just promise me that you and Quentin will use that time to mend whatever this is. You two have something so special, and you don’t even realize how rare that is. I would hate to see it go to waste.” Eliot nodded and then leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. They sat together quietly for a few minutes before the door opened and Quentin came out.

“You’re back,” he still looked half asleep, his shirt was ruffled like he thrown it over himself in a hurry and Eliot couldn’t help but to smile.

“He is, and he had a wonderful time,” Arielle said brightly as she stood. She gently took Rupert from Eliot’s arms and patted Quentin on the shoulder. “You are going to tell him how happy you are for him.” Arielle gave him a small shove and motioned for him to take her spot. “Go on,” Quentin gave Eliot an exasperated look, which made Eliot laugh.

“Better listen to her Q,” Eliot said as Quentin took a seat next to him. “She’s got her serious face on.” Quentin smiled and looked up at Arielle who was starring both of them down like they were about to be punished. Eliot and Quentin shared a look, they both knew what Rupert had in store for him if he ever became a petulant teenager.

“Rupert and I are going back to bed,” she said. “You boys have a nice time.” With a smile, she disappeared back inside. Eliot snorted, and Quentin shook his head in amusement.

“Rupert’s in trouble,” Quentin said, and Eliot laughed. “She’s got the Mom look down.

“I was thinking the same thing,” Eliot said, and they both laughed. Once their laughter had died down, Quentin looked at Eliot nervously.

“So,” Quentin said slowly. “You had a good time?”

“I did,” Eliot said cautiously, trying to gauge Quentin’s mood. “Is that ok?” Quentin looked up at him and forced a smile on his face.

“Of course it is!” He said with fake cheerfulness. “Why wouldn’t it be?” Eliot snorted.

“Because you’re lying to me right now,” he pointed out. “You don’t think I know when you’re lying. You’re not very good at it.” The smile from Quentin’s face dropped, and now he looked annoyed.

“I’m sorry,” he said in that tone that meant trouble. “Should I be jumping for joy that you went out with another guy tonight and had a good time.” Eliot glared at him.

“You really want to play that card?” he challenged. “Because yeah, I went out with another guy and left you home alone with your _wife_.” Quentin’s face changed immediately, and he suddenly looked ashamed.

“Shit,” He said. “I’m sorry. That was really shitty.” Eliot sighed. It was hard to stay mad at Quentin when he realized that his emotions had won over rational thought once again.

“It’s fine,” Eliot said with a wave of his hand. There was an awkward silence between them for a moment before Quentin spoke up.

“What did you guys do?” he asked.

“We just talked,” Eliot said with a shrug.

“About what?”

“Nothing really,” Eliot said thinking back on their conversation. “It was just fun and easy, nothing too deep. It was exactly what I needed.” Quentin was trying to hide his hurt, but even in the darkness, Eliot could see it.

“Did...anything else happen?” Eliot knew he would ask this. He reached over and took Quentin’s hand. He and Quentin had always promised never to lie or hold back this kind of information.

“We kissed.” He said, and Quentin closed his eyes. “Made out a bit, but nothing more.” Quentin nodded and took a deep breath.

“Alright,” he said opening his eyes. “Are you going to see him again?”

“Yes,” Eliot said honestly. “We already made plans. Later this week, I’m going to show him around the woods. He’s new to the area so I thought I’d give him a tour.” Quentin nodded again and started picking at the grass.

“Can I ask why?” Quentin wouldn’t look at him. “Why do you need to see him?” Eliot really wasn’t sure what that answer to that was.

“I just want to have some fun,” Eliot said simply.

“We don’t have fun?” Quentin asked finally looking at him again. Eliot smiled, the sweet innocence in Quentin’s voice softened his anger a little.

“We have fun,” He assured him. “It’s just-I don’t know what to say really but it’s not about you Q, he has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you.” Quentin just peered into his eyes for a moment, Eliot could almost see the thoughts and fears buzzing around Quentin’s busy mind.

“I understand,” He finally said and looked down at his hands. “I guess I just don’t like it.” Eliot smiled and then wrapped an arm around Quentin’s shoulder and pulled him close.

“I know how that feels,” he said. He felt Quentin stiffen just slightly and Eliot’s kissed his forehead to calm him. “Just wait it out Q,” He instructed. “It’ll pass.” Quentin pressed himself further into Eliot, and Eliot held him tighter. Together they sat in silence and waited for it to pass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got this one done faster than I expected! Yay for a three day weekend!

“Are you sure you have everything?” Quentin asked dropping the last bag into the back of Dent’s wagon. Arielle chuckled as she scanned over everything she had packed.

“I’m not sure there’s anything left to bring,” She pointed out before turning to him suddenly looking worried. “You don’t think I’m bringing too much do you?” Quentin looked over all the bags full of almost everything Rupert owned from their home. He was surprised she hadn’t wanted to take his cradle with her, but there would have been no room since Dent had made one for the new baby that they were also bringing with them. Mal and their mother had promised Rupert would also have a bed and most of the things that Arielle had packed. Quentin had reminded her of that as she’d been packing, but she apparently didn’t hear him.

“No, definitely not,” he said quickly shaking his head. “He’s a baby, he’s going need everything,” Quentin slipped an arm around her shoulders and tried to give her a reassuring smile. “Better be safe than sorry.” She smiled gratefully at him, her nerves successfully calmed, and kissed his cheek.

“Great, then we’re almost ready to go,” Just as she said that Dent and Eliot came out of the cottage, a basket of food in Dent’s arms, and Rupert in Eliot’s.

“The food’s ready,” Dent said proudly holding up the basket that he and Eliot had made for the journey. Dent was tall and skinny with short blonde hair and blue eyes like Arielle’s. Their eyes were the only thing that you could point to make the suggestion they might be related. He looked as if he had hit puberty and had stopped growing. Still looking the part of the gangly teenager despite being closer to 40, he had an air of confidence about him that Quentin didn’t like to admit too, but he was jealous.

“I think Rupert will need to be changed before you leave,” Eliot said making a face. Arielle stepped forward with a shake of her head.

“I’ll take care of it,” Taking Rupert from Eliot, Arielle made a face herself. “Oh, Rupert, this is a lovely smell.” As she moved to go inside, Eliot quickly followed her.

“I’ll help you,” he said.

“I’m impressed,” Arielle said with a smile. Eliot just shrugged. Since finding out that Rupert would be leaving them for a few weeks, Eliot had hardly let him out of his sight. The three of them disappeared into the cottage, and Quentin waited until the door shut before he turned to Dent who was whispering to his horse. His horse, one of the talking horses, as far as Quentin could tell, was his closest friend.

“Hey, Dent?” Quentin said looking over his shoulder at the closed front door. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what’s up?” Dent said cheerfully walking over to where Quentin stood.

“Eliot met your friend Garrett,” Quentin started.

“Garrett!” Dent exclaimed. “Garrett’s great. Have you met him?” Quentin rolled his eyes.

“Briefly,” Quentin said trying not to scowl. “Listen, what did you tell him about Eliot?” Dent looked confused.

“I told him he was a good guy,” he said slowly. “Do you think I would bad mouth, Eliot?”

“No,” Quentin said quickly. “Did you tell him he was single or something?” Dent just looked more confused.

“Am I in trouble?” he asked. “Because Arielle already yelled at me once about this. I get it, he’s your boyfriend or something, and she’s your wife but not with him, or not like that.” Quentin sighed and looked back at the door hoping Eliot wasn’t about to come out.

“I just want to know if you encouraged Garrett to start talking to him,” Quentin said. “I know he was at our wedding, did he seem interested in him then?”

“Well of course,” Dent said. “Eliot’s a good looking guy, Garrett is a good looking guy who likes good looking guys, why wouldn’t he?”

“Well because Eliot is with me,” Quentin reminded him. “So you can’t go telling him it’s okay to hit on him.” Dent looked concerned now.

“He hit him?” he shook his head. “I didn’t tell him to do that.” Quentin pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“Hit  _on_ him,” Quentin tried to clarify. “It means he- Look; he asked him out for drinks.”

“And that’s bad because?”

“I told you, he’s with me.”

“But you’re also married to my sister.” Dent pointed out.

“Well yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m not also with him,” Quentin said. Dent crossed his arms as he thought about that.

“So why can’t he also be with Garrett?” he asked.

“Well, because-” Quentin was suddenly stumped. There was no good answer to that question. He didn’t own Eliot. “He can, he just can’t- you know, have drinks with him and they can’t talk all night.” As the words were coming out of his mouth, Quentin realized how crazy he sounded.

“That doesn’t seem very fair,” Dent said pointing his finger at him.

“Yeah, it’s probably not.” Quentin sighed, he rubbed his hand over his eyes. To his complete disappointment, Dent was right. “Forget it.” Dent gave him a sympathetic nod and then slung his arm around Quentin’s shoulders.

“I like you, Quentin,” Dent said, leaning heavily on Quentin’s shoulder and they walked around to the front of the wagon. “You make my sister really happy, so that makes you golden in my book. But you have got to let up on Eliot. It only seems fair that if you get someone else, he should get someone else. Right? Isn’t that how the whole non-monogamous thing Arielle told me about works?” Quentin wasn’t sure anymore.

“I guess?” Quentin said quietly; sometimes he didn’t even know anymore. The three of them hadn’t really sat down and discussed much since Rupert had been born. Maybe they all needed to check in and see where their boundaries stood now.

Dent’s horse let out a high pitched whiny, and Dent rolled his eyes.

“What do you know Milton.” Quentin looked between Dent and Milton and Dent just shrugged. “Don’t worry about him.” Quentin nodded, not really wanting to know what the horse had to say about his pathetic self. “Garrett is a good guy, so I think you should be happy for Eliot.”

Quentin was tired of being told this. He knew logically that he should be happy, or at least not be this jealous. He wasn’t blind to the situation but he couldn’t help how he felt. He couldn’t help that he would have rather heard that Eliot and Garrett had had sex all night instead of talking and laughing. He hated that this guy had made Eliot feel something that Quentin couldn’t. He had helped Eliot in a way that Quentin couldn’t. It all came down to that, that he had failed Eliot and had finally pushed him away like he did to everyone else in his life. First Julia, then Alice, now he was just supposed to be happy for Eliot? Quentin wanted to say something, get angry at someone for once for trying to shove these feelings of acceptance onto him before he was ready, but Arielle and Eliot came back out at that moment.

“Are we all set?” Arielle asked brightly.

“Everything’s all packed Sis!” Dent answered and clapped Quentin on the shoulder before stepping up onto the wagon. Arielle came over to him and wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close.

“I’m going to miss you,” she whispered to him. Quentin nodded and laid his chin on her shoulder, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair, he hugged her tightly back.

“I will too,” Over her shoulder, Quentin watched Eliot from where he stood a few feet away. He held Rupert close to his chest but he was staring right at him, and Arielle with a look that maybe Quentin should have realized had been there for a long time. Eliot noticed that Quentin was looking and quickly put a big smile on his face and turned his attention to Rupert, holding their son up in the air and talking animatedly to him.

“The time will fly by, I’m sure,” Arielle said pulling back. Quentin nodded, trying to ignore the growing pit in his stomach. It would be the longest they’d been away from each other since she had moved in with them and Quentin wasn’t sure if he was ready for that. Eliot walked over to them, hugging Rupert. Quentin knew neither of them was prepared to be away from their son for this long.

“Bye buddy,” Eliot said kissing Rupert on his cheek. “You be a good boy for your mom okay? You can drive your Grandma crazy though; you have my permission.” Arielle laughed and gently punched Eliot in the shoulder. He grinned at her and with one last hug he reluctantly passed Rupert over to Quentin.

Quentin pulled Rupert in close, nuzzling his nose into Rupert’s soft hair. He was going to be so much bigger when he came back. It seemed like sometimes just by the end of the day he had grown bigger, Quentin couldn’t imagine what would change in a few weeks.

“You’re sure you don’t want us to come with you?” He asked almost hopefully. Arielle smiled and reached for his hand.

“We talked about this,” she reminded him. “You guys are needed here.” Quentin nodded and looked down at Rupert who smiled up at him and grabbed his nose. Quentin stared into that sweet face and tried to push away the feelings that he was somehow abandoning his son or being a neglectful father for not going along. He knew that wasn’t true, but like everything else, it didn't stop him from feeling it.

“Okay Rupert,” Quentin said. “I’m going to miss you so much. Try not to grow too much while you’re gone, and no saying your first word or taking any first steps okay? We got a deal little man?” Rupert just leaned forward and tried to fit Quentin’s nose in his mouth with a delighted squeal. Quentin laughed and kissed Rupert’s cheek. “Great, I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

“We’re going to miss you both so much,” Arielle said hugging Eliot. Eliot kissed her cheek before helping her up onto the wagon.

“You’ll let us know when you get there?” Eliot asked.

“I’ll write as soon as we’re there,” Arielle promised. Eliot nodded and stepped back from the wagon, looking at Rupert who Quentin was still holding.

“I guess this is it,” Quentin said. Giving one last kiss to his son, he passed Rupert up to Arielle. She took him and placed him on her lap, and Rupert started waving his arms around, excited to be up so high.

“Please be careful,” Quentin said stepping back to stand next to Eliot.

“Don’t worry about a thing,” Dent said taking the reins “Milton and I will get them there safely.” Milton made some noise in agreement, and Eliot just shrugged. Quentin smiled and with a few final goodbyes, Dent told Milton it was time to go and soon they were making their way down the path.

As Quentin watched them go, he felt a heaviness settle into his chest. A fear he had that he never voiced, not even to Eliot, was they would solve the mosaic when Arielle and Rupert weren’t around. He had no idea what would happen if the ever finished it, but the longest running theory was the key they got would transport them back to their time. It used to be Quentin was scared of this never happening, and he and Eliot would be stuck here forever. Now though, especially with Rupert, Quentin was more scared about leaving this place and his family, than never getting home.

Quentin felt Eliot slip his hand into his own. Threading their fingers together, Eliot squeezed his hand, obviously sensing Quentin’s panic and doing just enough to ease it. Without saying anything, Quentin turned to him and smiled gratefully at him. Eliot smiled back, and they both watched until the wagon disappeared from sight.

 

*****************************************************

_“I love you,” Quentin sobbed into Eliot’s chest. His whole body was shaking, and his heart felt like it would burst right out of him. He clutched at Eliot’s shirt, his fingertips felt numb, and that feeling was threatening to spread throughout his whole body._

_“I know, it’s okay Q,” Eliot whispered, his fingers threading through Quentin’s long hair. “If it’s what you need, I’m okay with it. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” Quentin only cried out more. Eliot was just letting him go, telling him it was okay to love someone else. How could be so calm about this? Why wasn’t he screaming at him? Sex was one thing, but to actually fall in love with someone else? Was that something they were allowed to do? Did it take something away from how they felt about each other? Quentin didn’t know, which made him feel like Eliot was disappearing right in front of him. Eliot was the only anchor to reality he had. A reminder of another life that_ every day _seemed more and more like a fading dream. His best friend and the person he loved more than anything he ever had. Even Fillory._

 _“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Quentin promised_ _pulling_ _back and_ looking _up at Eliot. “I didn’t know I would fall in love with her.” Eliot nodded and took Quentin’s face in his hands._

_“I know where I am in your heart Quentin Coldwater,” He said firmly. “I also know how big your heart is; it’s okay to let someone else in. There’s more than enough room.” Eliot kissed him, hard to make his point that he wasn’t lying. “I love you, that’s not changing.”_

“Quentin!” Quentin almost jumped out of his skin, and he dropped the tile he had been holding. In his desperate attempt to not think about how much he already missed his infant son, he had been going over in his mind what Dent had said, but it only led him to think of the past. How much better Eliot handled everything, Eliot was always the stronger one. “Are you even listening?” Eliot looked annoyed, and Quentin picked back up the tile.

“Sorry,” he said placing the last red tile. “Got distracted, what’s next?” Eliot shook his head and looked back down at the notebook on his lap.

“Alright, you’re going to fill that whole section with blue,” Eliot instructed from atop the latter. Quentin barely listening, reached for a yellow tile, his mind refusing to quiet. What if Eliot did find someone as he had? Would he and Arielle just have to accept another person into their home? To their bed? What would his role be in Rupert’s life be? Most importantly, where would that leave he and Eliot? “Q, I said blue.”

“Oh, sorry,” Quentin said distractingly, he tossed the yellow tile back and reached for the blue. He shot a quick glance at Eliot and found he wasn’t looking all that patient.

“Should we take a break?” Eliot asked.

“No,” Quentin said quickly “Why would we?”

“You are a million miles away, is it Rupert?” Eliot let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. Quentin watched as the sun bounced off Eliot’s dark hair and his face illuminated, and for a moment Quentin was almost left breathless by how beautiful Eliot was and the fear of losing him felt like it would overwhelm him right there. “It’s only been a few hours, but I feel like it’s already been a few weeks.” Eliot tilted his face down now, looking at the notebook he held, his hair now falling into his face shielding the hurt expression that Quentin could almost see.

“Yeah,” Quentin finally said. “It does feel like that.” He turned back to the tiles and started to place the blue ones, but he could feel Eliot’s gaze still on him.

“It’s something else?” Eliot asked. “Jesus, don’t tell me it’s Garrett.” Quentin looked up sharply at Garrett’s name and tossed aside the tile he was holding.

“And what if that is what’s on my mind?” he challenged. “Can you blame me? It’s only been two days since you, and he had such a great night, why the hell wouldn’t it be on my mind?”

“Damnit Quentin,” Eliot said. “Why can’t you for goddamn once, just not obsess over something that is going to drive you insane?” Eliot climbed down from the latter and went over to the table to get a drink. Quentin stood up, crossing his arms he glared over at Eliot.

“I had an interesting talk with Dent.” He said. Eliot snorted, not even turning around.

“What kind of talk with Dent isn’t interesting,” he asked.

“Are you thinking about dating Garrett?” Now Eliot turned around.

“Is that what you talked about?” he asked. “Me and Garrett?”

“He seems to think it’s great that you guys are getting to know each other” Eliot laughed bitterly and Quentin shook his head. “Yeah, it’s so funny,” he said dryly.

“It is Quentin,” Eliot said shaking his head. “It’s funny how you think someone actually wanting to get to know me is so horrible. I’m really not allowed to have friends?”

“Friend’s are one thing, but you have conveniently not answered my question,” Quentin said walking over to him. “Are you thinking about dating Garrett,” Quentin asked again. Eliot crossed his arms and leaned back against the table.

“No,” he snapped. “But I’ve only been out with the guy once for fuck's sake. I’m not really thinking about anything.”

“You’re seeing him again,” Quentin reminded him. “What happens after that?” Eliot groaned and sat on the table now.

“Exactly, what does happen?” Eliot asked exasperatedly. “I wasn’t aware that we had some rule that said Quentin can marry whoever he wants just as long as Eliot stays celibate and never speaks to another living soul. Is this really how this is going to go?” He shot Quentin a glare and he knew that was his cue that Eliot wanted to this discussion to be over. He knew that if he alluded to Quentin’s marriage in any way he won the fight and Quentin suddenly felt too exhausted to push him.

“Alright,” Quentin said backing off. “I’m sorry, just forget it. Just a lot on my mind.” he quickly went back to the mosaic and started placing the blue tiles. Eliot was quiet for a few minutes, he didn’t move from the table, but Quentin could feel Eliot watching him.

“If you have a lot on your mind then you could talk to me about it,” Eliot said finally, walking back over and standing in front of Quentin. “We haven’t really talked much lately,” Quentin looked up from where he was squatting on the ground.

“We talk,” he said defensively. “We even laugh sometimes.” Eliot nodded, a small smile coming to his lips that made the anxiety Quentin was feeling recede somewhat.

“Yeah, we do.” he agreed. “But we haven’t really talked about anything big; you know feelings and stuff.” As he said the words, Eliot slowly looked surprised and put a hand on his chest. “I never thought I would be the one saying we need to talk more about our feelings. I still like to pretend I don’t have them.” Quentin laughed lightly and pulled his arms around himself a little.

“I think that cat might be out of the bag,” Quentin said. Eliot smiled and leaned on the ladder.

“Seriously though, I know you’re still having nightmares,” Quentin looked at him sharply and stood up. He hadn’t told Eliot that. Eliot had never even woken up after Quentin would jolt awake from another dream about their friends telling him it was too late. So far Julia, Alice, Kady and even Penny had all told him the same thing. He hadn’t said anything to Eliot though.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I know you,” Eliot said rolling his eyes. “Better than anyone and I can tell, I think you would feel better if you just told me about them.” Quentin shook his head and squatted back down by the mosaic.

“I don’t remember them,” he said not looking at Eliot, placing the blue tiles as fast as he could. “Not much to say about it.” He didn’t look at Eliot, but he could picture the look on his face. There was no way he believed him.

“Alright,” Eliot said and then climbed back up the ladder. Quentin looked up and watched as he grabbed the notebook, and for a moment their eyes met. Just like Quentin hadn’t pushed when Eliot had reached his limit on the questioning, Eliot did the same for him. They once again just shoved aside what they probably should have been talking about. Quentin didn’t know how much longer they could do this, but he knew that right now he wasn’t ready to deal with more.

“What’s next?” he asked, placing the last tile.

“Orange.”

*******************************************

After finishing the mosaic for the day, Eliot and Quentin went inside and made dinner together. They thought it would be a nice couple thing for them to do on their first night without Arielle and Rupert. As they cooked, they talked about the mosaic and where they would start the next day. They sat down to their meal, and once the talk of the mosaic was over, the found themselves unsure of what else to talk about. They were both trying so hard to avoid the topics that would piss the other off that they were left with not much to say to each other.

They just ate mostly in silence. Quentin watched Eliot from across the table, and the food felt heavy in his stomach. Were things really this bad? It never felt like this when Arielle was here. The conversations always flowed smoothly and Quentin was now trying to think back if he and Eliot had gotten so used to the third person to take the pressure off of them that they couldn’t talk like they used to for more than a few minutes. Eliot met his eyes over the table, and he could see that Eliot was feeling the same. Quentin smiled at him and gave him a small shrug. Eliot smiled back and returned the shrug with one of his own. That made Quentin feel a little better.

Once they had cleaned up from dinner, they decided to try to stop trying to talk and moved to the bed instead. This was something Quentin was looking forward too. It had been a long time since he and Eliot had been together. They had that one night outside that had gone bad, and not much else. Quentin missed the feel of Eliot’s lips all over him and the weight of his body. It was such a different experience having sex with Eliot than it was with Arielle. He didn’t want to say he preferred one over the other but there was something more charged and electric when it was Eliot.

They were kissing and Quentin was trying to put as much as he could in this kiss. He was trying to channel all of what he felt for Eliot into it. Transfer to him everything he was struggling to say lately. They were both on their knees on the bed, Eliot leaning over him, grabbing his face as he kissed Quentin furiously. He could tell Eliot was trying too and he wrapped his arms around Eliot’s waist and pulled him in even closer. They both wanted this so badly that they were ignoring the fact that despite their efforts, this didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like them. Finally, Quentin pushed back, he trailed his hands up Eliot’s sides and they came to rest on the side of his face. Eliot looked confused, staring into Quentin’s face. He opened his mouth to say something, then thinking better of it, he closed his eyes and let his forehead fall against Quentin’s

“This isn’t going to happen tonight?” he asked. “Is it?” Quentin closed his eyes as well, taking comfort in the feel of Eliot this close to him for a moment before he gently pulled Eliot back a little so he could look him in the eye.

“I think we’re trying too hard,” he said. Eliot nodded and then let go of Quentin to lay on the bed. Quentin wrapped his arms around himself, chilled at the loss of Eliot’s body, and laid down next to him. Both of them lay on their backs, side by side and neither spoke for a while.

From the first day they met, Quentin always felt like he could talk to Eliot about anything. He had always struggled when meeting new people, but there was something about Eliot that broke through his comfort zones, and he was immediately at ease. He always wondered if the other 39 time loops had something to do with it. Like their friendship was just muscle memory to them by that point. Quentin didn’t care what it was; he was just glad he had made a friend that he felt so comfortable around. When they had started sleeping together, they also never had trouble there either. Their long, somewhat complicated history seemed to act as some form of aphrodisiac. Now though, as they lay in their bed that for once was just the two of them, Quentin didn’t know what to say to Eliot or why when they kissed he didn’t feel the same electricity as he used to feel.

“We’re putting too much pressure on ourselves,” Eliot said, echoing what Quentin had said. They turned their heads to look at each other and Eliot tried to smile. “It will happen if we just let it."

“Yeah,” Quentin said nodding, wanting so much to believe him. “We’ll just let it happen when it happens.” Eliot nodded back, and they turned their heads away, both staring at the ceiling instead.

“Okay,” Eliot said.

“Okay,” Quentin looked over at Eliot and even in the darkness he could see the worry and stress all over his face. He felt like Eliot wanted this even more than he did. Maybe needed it to prove that things were still the same between them. Things weren’t the same though, and that was their biggest problem. They refused to acknowledge that. Quentin didn’t know at this moment how to fix it like he wanted, so he just reached over and slipped his hand into Eliot’s.

Eliot looked over at him for a second, a small smile playing on his lips. Quentin returned the smile as he threaded his fingers through Eliot’s Turning away from each other, Quentin squeezed Eliot’s hand, and neither said a word for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who commented and left kudos! It makes me happier than I can say!

“So let me see if I understand this,” Garrett said setting the peach he’d been eating aside. “Quentin is married to someone else, but you guys are still together and all three of you share the same bed?” Eliot nodded as he bit into a plum.

He and Garrett had spent the afternoon exploring the woods around the cottage that Garrett was preparing to move into in the next few weeks. Eliot had shown him all the different spots that were good for fishing, gathering wood and where the best Fillorian weed grew. Eliot was reveling in the feeling he had this afternoon. Showing Garrett around had reminded him of his days back at Brakebills. Showing the newest cute first-year boy around and basking in the awe on their faces at the magical school and Eliot’s expert knowledge. He was filled with the same confidence he felt back then, one that he hadn’t realized he’d been missing for a long time.

He lost it sometime after going to Fillory for the first time and flailed as he tried to settle into being High King. Then he had come here, and when he felt like he was finally getting to feel like himself again, Quentin fell in love with someone else, and they ended up with a child. There was nothing like fatherhood to make Eliot feel like he was failing at everything. How things had been with Quentin lately only seemed to kill his confidence more. They barely spoke the past couple days. Ever so often they could soften around each other, and for a moment things go back to normal. It never lasted though, inevitably one of them would say something snarky, and the other would get hurt. This afternoon though, all of that was gone, and he was feeling better than he had in weeks.

“It’s really not that confusing,” Eliot said as he finished rolling the joint he’d been making. “I have a good feeling that the rest of Fillory will catch up to polygamy eventually.” Eliot brought the joint to his lips and with a flick of his fingers, he lit it. Garrett gave him an impressed grin and took it from Eliot as he passed it to him.

“What about jealousy?” Garrett asked as he inhaled deeply. “Doesn’t that come up?” he blew out the smoke and started to cough. Eliot chuckled as he took the joint out of Garrett’s fingers.

“It comes up,” he said with a roll of his eyes and taking another hit. Garrett caught his eye as he blew out the smoke and Eliot smirked. “Q’s being a little bit of a baby about you and I hanging out.” Garrett snorted and took the joint back.

“What? Is he intimidated by little old me?” he batted his eyes at Eliot as he took a hit. Eliot just shrugged and leaned against the tree they had settled under.

“I don’t know,” he said gloomily. “Things with us haven’t been going so great lately.” Garrett passed him the joint back and then stretched out his legs.

“You sure your whole polygamy thing is so wonderful?” he asked and Eliot frowned slightly with a shrug.

“I believe it can work, Q just has got to get his head out of his ass.” Garrett reached for another peach and tossed it to Eliot.

“What would he have to do to make you say the arrangement is working?” he asked. Eliot turned the peach over in his hand a few times as he thought about that.

“He can’t get jealous,” he said simply. “He has to acknowledge the fact that I have to watch him with someone else every day and I don’t get my panties in a twist.” Garrett laughed, looking a little confused by Eliot’s choice of words and picked up a plum for himself.

“So you never get jealous?” he asked taking a bite of the plum. “It doesn’t bother you that he is with Arielle and they got married?” Eliot let his head fall against the tree with a sigh.

“That’s not entirely true,” he said quietly. “But I handle it a lot better than he handles this,” he said pointing between himself and Garrett. “I guess, I’m just tired of justifying myself to him all the time. What does he expect from me? To just wait around for him to decide he’ll acknowledge I live there too?” Garrett didn’t say anything as he chewed thoughtfully.

“So, if you’re all in the same bed,” he said after a minute. “Do all three of you have sex together?” Eliot shook his head with a small smile. He wasn’t about to explain their sex life to him. A threesome between them was never off the table and had happened often, but there was an unspoken agreement that they kept that to themselves

“Out of respect for Arielle, I’m not going to say anything about her sex life.” Eliot explained.

“I understand,” Garrett said quickly. “I agree with you. He shouldn't get upset if you see someone else. I thought you said you guys have rules. Did you break a rule or something?” Garrett reached for the joint again and took a long hit.

“No,” Eliot said sitting forward. “That's what really pisses me off. I have been honest with him from the day you and I met. I told him everything we did, and he still acts like I’m sneaking behind his back.” Garrett smiled lazily at him and raised an eyebrow.

“You have to tell him everything we do?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Eliot said, his head starting to feel light now and he smiled back. “We have no secrets.” Garrett sat forward and then crawled over to Eliot with a flirtatious smile.

“So if I do this.” Garrett leaned in and kissed Eliot on the side of his neck. Eliot smiled and inclined his head towards him, the weed making his whole body feel just as light as his head. “You would have to tell Quentin about that?” Hearing Garrett say Quentin's name in that low and husky tone made Eliot feel things he didn’t expect.

“I would,” Eliot told him, shifting a little where he sat.

“And if I did this?” Garrett kissed the other side of Eliot’s neck this time. Eliot breathed out a laugh and reached out and put his hand on Garrett’s chest.

“I would have to tell him about that too,” Eliot said grinning. He grabbed Garrett’s shirt, wrapping his fingers in the soft material, and pulled him close with a smile. “This too,” he said against Garrett’s lips before kissing him deeply. Garrett brought his hand up to Eliot’s neck and Eliot wrapped his arm around Garrett’s waist to bring him closer. Garrett lifted himself up a bit, pressing himself closer to Eliot. Eliot felt his body tingling all over and his erection was growing. It had been so long since he felt like this and while his hands traveled all over Garrett’s hard and muscled body, Quentin’s face was in his mind.

“And this,” Garrett whispered into his ear, his breath sending waves of pleasure all through Eliot’s body. Garrett’s hand traveled south and slipped into Eliot’s pants. Eliot gasped as Garrett’s hand wrapped around his hard dick and slowly started to stroke it. “You’ll have to tell him how hard you got for me. The way you’re trembling now?” Eliot let his head fall back against the tree as he started to pant. Smiling, he reached out and ran his fingers through Garrett’s hair.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice breathy. “Oh fuck yeah,” Garrett kept stroking him and leaned in and started kissing him just under his earlobe, Eliot let out a moan of pleasure and Garrett pulled back with a smile.

“We could create quite the picture for him, couldn’t we?” he asked. Eliot grinned and grabbed Garrett’s face.

“Fuck yes"

 

*****************************************

Eliot walked back home in a daze. He wasn’t sure if it was from the weed or the sex, but Eliot felt good all over. The sex had taken him by surprise but it had been just what he needed. He and Garrett didn’t say much after they finished, but it wasn’t uncomfortable or weird. It was like Garrett got it, he knew just what Eliot was looking for and didn’t question further. Eliot looked up at the quickly setting sun and sighed happily. The tension he’d been feeling for so long felt washed away and when he saw light coming from the window of the cottage he smiled thinking about taking this feeling inside to Quentin.

When he walked inside he found Quentin scrunched up in a chair with a book in his lap. His hair was falling from his loose ponytail and into his face as he poured over the book. The book was Quentin’s recreation of one of the Fillory books. When they first got here, Quentin had struggled so much and Eliot was desperate to help him. He knew how comforting the books had been to Quentin throughout his life and since he didn’t have them here at the mosaic, Eliot told him to write his own version of the books. If these characters and story helped him when he needed it then Quentin needed to do whatever he could do to get them in his life. Quentin read them off and on, not much lately, but when he did it meant he was hurting.

“Hey,” Eliot said shutting the door behind him. Quentin looked up, wide-eyed and chewing on his thumbnail.

“Hey,” he said quickly before turning back to his book. Eliot watched him for a second before moving closer.

“How was your afternoon?” After working on the mosaic for a few hours that morning, Eliot left to meet up with Garrett around noon. Eliot encouraged Quentin to take the day for himself and relax. By the looks of it, Quentin’s day hadn’t gone so well.

“Oh just great,” Quentin said not even looking up. “Spent the day all alone. I tried to work on the mosaic but I got bored with that. Tried to sleep but I couldn’t fall asleep. Tried to cook but I burned the food. So I’m reading.” he looked up from the book frowning. “At least I can still read.” Eliot could feel the euphoria he had been feeling slowly drain away as he sat down on the small couch.

“That sounds eventful,” Eliot mumbled and Quentin shot him a glare. Eliot rolled his eyes and sat back against the couch. “I’m sorry you had a bad day,” he said. Quentin shook his head and looked back down at his book.

“How was _your_ afternoon?” Eliot didn’t miss the annoyance in Quentin's voice.

“It was great actually,” Eliot said brightly if Quentin was going to act like a child Eliot wasn’t going pretend like he didn’t have a good time. “I showed Garrett all the best spots, I think he’ll like living around here.” Quentin flipped a page roughly and didn’t look up.

“How close to us will he be?”

“About 20 minutes I think,” Eliot said. Quentin scoffed, and if he could have curl himself together tighter, he would have. “Is that going to be a problem,” Eliot asked.

“Why would it?” Quentin snapped. Eliot ran his hand through his hair, Quentin was already pissed so he might as well tell him everything he needed too.

“Q, will you please look at me because I need to be honest about something.” He could see Quentin close his eyes as he took a deep breath. He looked up, eyes shining with unshed tears. Eliot’s anger faded a bit looking at his face. He looked lost and hurt and all Eliot wanted to do at that moment was to wrap his arms around him and shield him from the world that never seemed to let him stay happy.

“You had sex with him didn’t you?” Eliot nodded and Quentin closed his book. “I figured,” Quentin set the book in his lap and ran his hands through his hair. “That didn’t take long,” he said bitterly. Eliot narrowed his eyes at him.

“It’s fine that you’re uncomfortable with this,” Eliot said slowly. “But be careful about what you say.” Quentin dropped his hands and stood up.

“So how was it?” he asked.

“I’m not going to answer that,” Quentin rubbed his eyes as he started to pace. “Look, I’m telling you about this so you know I’m not going to hide anything from you.” Quentin rolled his eyes.

“How noble,” he snorted. Eliot could feel a headache coming on. “So you can have sex with him but not me?” Quentin had stopped pacing now and stared at Eliot with his hands on his hips.

“Quentin, come on,” Eliot said, exasperatedly.

“No, this is interesting,” Quentin said crossing his arms. “You bitch and whine to me about how we don’t have enough sex but when we finally get time to be alone you run off with the first guy you see and fuck him with no problems.”

“You know, I’m not the bad guy here!” Eliot exclaimed standing up. “You need to stop that because I didn’t do anything wrong. I sure as hell didn’t do anything you haven’t done yourself.”

“What does he have that I don’t?” Quentin asked shrugging. “He’s tall, muscular and pretty much looks like walking sex, so is that it?” Eliot groaned and resisted the urge to scream out his frustrations.

“It isn’t about you,” Eliot snapped. “I had sex with him because it was easy and he didn’t ask me these bullshit questions.”

“So you liked it better with him?” Quentin asked. “He’s better at sex than me?” All of a sudden, Eliot knew where this had come from and he frowned.

“This is your leftover Alice bullshit Q,” he said slowly, moving closer to Quentin, looking him right in the eye. “The problems you two had in the bedroom have nothing to do with me. Don’t put _her_ issues on me.” Quentin didn’t say anything, his eyes darted away slightly and Eliot knew he had hit a nerve.

Eliot wished things were different. He wished he and Quentin were spending this time alone together having a full on fuck fest. He remembered the days before Arielle when they would spend days in bed together, having sex and then laying with each other, laughing and just talking for hours. They learned everything about each other during that time, things had been so easy between them. Eliot wished he had known how fleeting that ease was going to be, he would have held onto Quentin just a little tighter.

“Q, maybe we-” Anything he was about to say was cut off by Quentin suddenly kissing him fiercely. He hands grabbed at Eliot’s shirt, pulling him as close as Quentin could get him. Eliot was caught off guard and stumbled for a moment, before holding onto Quentin's arms to steady himself. “Q?" he said confused but Quentin just shook his head.

“Stop talking,” he instructed before kissing him again. Eliot nodded and brought his hands up to Quentin's face and kissed him back. They were grabbing at each other, fumbling and not as coordinated as they once were. It felt awkward and not like them at all. Eliot had always marveled at the fact that everything felt so natural and comfortable with Quentin. He didn’t remember much from their ill-fated threesome, but even then, he and Quentin had come together like they were somehow meant too. Learning about the time loops had made Eliot believe they were somehow destined always to end up sleeping together. When they had started this relationship, everything had just fallen right into place, and Eliot felt like they were just meant to be.

Now it felt forced, and as much as Eliot wanted this, they had so much baggage between them that they were refusing to unload it was making this almost unbearable. Eliot never thought he would be the one who didn’t want to bury his problems with sex, but that was what Garrett had been for. Quentin was different. He loved Quentin and if things were off between them, he wanted it fixed not glossed over with frantic sex.

“Wait,” Eliot said as Quentin pushed him up against the wall. “Q, wait.” Quentin pulled back, panting and looked at him confused.

“El, come on,” he encouraged him. “We can do this.” Quentin moved into to kiss him again, but Eliot put his hand on his chest to signal him to stop. Quentin looked at him with eyes that were full of desperation and pain. Eliot brought his hand to Quentin’s cheek and gently stroked it with his thumb. He didn’t want to hurt Quentin, it was the last thing he had ever wanted, but he knew this wasn’t the right move for them and it would only pull them further apart if they continued.

“Q,” he said gently. “You don’t have to fuck me to prove a point.” Quentin closed his eyes and leaned into Eliot’s touch. He let out a shaky breath and Eliot pulled him closer and rest his forehead against Quentin’s and hoped he could calm him. Quentin closed his eyes and his hand came up and held onto the hand that Eliot rested on his face. Eliot pulled back just a little and waited for Quentin to open his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Quentin whispered. Eliot nodded and stroked Quentin’s face.

“It’s okay,” he said. Quentin shook his head, finally opening his eyes. “Q, it’s okay,” Eliot tried again. Quentin pulled back and before Eliot could say another word, he turned and ran out of the door.

 

**************************************************

 

_“I understand,” Eliot said, trying to hold back his tears. “Stop explaining.” Quentin held onto his hand desperately and shook his head._

_“You’re hurting El,” he said. “I didn’t want to do that. I love you, you know that right?” Eliot nodded, his heart was pounding and he didn’t know what to do with these feelings. He was the one who said they needed an open relationship. He was the one who had encouraged Quentin to start seeing Arielle. He promised Quentin over and over that it was fine for him to have sex with her. He wanted Quentin to be happy, he just hadn’t realized how much it hurt that Quentin wasn’t happy without having a woman in his life._

_“Is it because she’s a woman?” he asked as the tears spilled down his face. Quentin gathered Eliot’s face into his hands and shook his head._

_“You know that’s not what it is,” Quentin said. Eliot nodded and leaned into Quentin, who pulled him close and hugged him tightly. “I can’t explain it, she’s just...I like her and we had sex, I thought you were okay with this?” Eliot pulled back and quickly wiped the tears from his face._

_“I am,” he said firmly. “It’s fine. I just-” he tucked some of Quentin’s hair behind his ear and smiled sadly at him. “I guess I have some things to work out.” Quentin smiled back at him._

_“Take all the time you need,” he said. “And say the word and I’ll stop seeing her. I promise, you are the most important person to me and if you’re uncomfortable with this at any point-” Eliot stopped him talking by leaning in and kissing him. He didn’t want Quentin to have to promise him things he might not be able to do. Quentin had slept with her now and Eliot knew he probably wasn't turning back now. Besides, Arielle made him smile again. Quentin had gotten so depressed Eliot had been scared he would never snap out of it this time. If he wanted Quentin to be happy, he would have to accept this._

_“Can I make one request?” he asked pulling back._

_“Anything,” Quentin said taking his hand. “Whatever you need.”_

_“Don’t stay the night with her,” Eliot said. “At least for right now. Unless things get more serious, come home to me every night.” Quentin smiled and kissed Eliot again._

_“I promise,” he said. “I will always come home to you, and only you.”_

 

*************************************

After about a half hour after Quentin stormed out, Eliot was getting worried. Quentin hadn’t been in a good mindset and he had run off in the woods. Eliot rushed out the door kicking himself for not going after him right away. If Quentin had done something to hurt himself, Eliot would never forgive himself, no matter how angry Quentin had made him. Finding the immediate areas outside empty, Eliot turned around looking at which way Quentin would have run off too.

“Shit,” he said quietly to himself and he closed his eyes and tried to calm the panic that was welling up inside him. He knew Quentin better than anyone and if he could just get his own brain to quiet then he could find him. Taking a deep breath, he felt himself start to calm and by the time he opened his eyes he knew where Quentin had run off.

It wasn’t far from their home, about a ten-minute walk that Eliot did in half the time because he had run. There was this rock he had found during their first year. In the sunlight, it sent glitter floating through the air and everything around it got quiet. When he first had sat in front of it, it was like all of Eliot’s fears and frustrations of what this new life was for them were suddenly gone. He realized that even though they were separated from everyone they knew and loved and they had no idea how long they would be here, all of it was going to be just fine. He was here with Quentin. The quest had sent them and it was them that were going to be able to finish this task.

He brought Quentin there when they had been trying to sort out their new feelings for each other. It was there that they finally seemed to understand what they were. Almost like this rock had the same effect of the truth key, without the accompanying nausea. If Quentin was looking for clarity, he would go there.

Eliot found Quentin sitting in front of the rock, hugging his knees tightly to his chest. Since it was dark, there was no glitter and Eliot could barely see his face but he knew that broken look all too well.

“Quentin,” he said breathing heavily. “You can’t run away like that,” he went over and sat down next to him and Quentin looked at him out of the corner of his eye.

“Took you long enough,” he croaked, his voice hoarse. Eliot shook his head and swept his hair out of his face.

“I thought you could use a minute by yourself,” he told him. Quentin nodded and Eliot watched as his face crumbled and fresh tears fell from his eyes. “Q,” Eliot pulled the younger man into his arms and Quentin cried against him.

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what's wrong with me.” Eliot stroked his hair and rest his chin on top of Quentin's head.

“It’s okay,” he said softly.

“I don’t know why I’m like this El,” he said pulling back and looking at him frantically. “I just-this whole day, I was alone and I tried-I want to be okay with this, I promise I do.” he was stumbling over his words and Eliot’s kissed his forehead.

“I know,” he said gently.

“I just-fuck,” he turned away from Eliot and the moonlight caught his face and Eliot saw heartbreak all over it. “I miss Rupert, I miss him so fucking much, and Arielle too. And then you were gone all day and you fu-” he closed his eyes. “You can sleep with whoever you want El, it just-I guess it hurt more than I thought it would this time.” Eliot smiled and pulled Quentin back to him.

“I know how that feels,” Eliot finally said and Quentin pulled his arms tighter around him. “Just tell me what you need.” Quentin didn’t say anything for a minute, then he pulled back to look at Eliot.

“Don’t stay the night with him,” he said. “Unless it gets serious, come home to me every night.” Eliot smiled and slowly, Quentin smiled back.

“I can do that,” Eliot said slipping his arm back around Quentin. “I promise, I will always come home to you, and only you.” Quentin smiled wider and for the first time in days, Eliot could see him relax just a little.

“Thank you,” he said. Eliot nodded and pulled Quentin close to him and kissed his head.

“I love you, Quentin,” he said.

“I love you too,” Quentin said resting his head on Eliot’s shoulder. For a moment, neither of them spoke and that comfortable ease between then seemed to creep back in and Eliot held onto Quentin just a little tighter not ready for it to pass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing sex scenes intimate the hell out of me but I am working on it. I hope what little I did was not cringy. Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

Quentin knew he was dreaming, or at least he hoped he was this time. Every time he placed a tile it would disappear before he could get another one. Alice sat on a stool next to the mosaic. Her arms crossed over her chest and a stern look on her face. Another tile disappeared, and Alice shook her head with a snort.

 “You always were a failure,” she said, her voice dripping with disdain. “Can’t even complete a simple task can you?” Quentin glared at her, and she just smiled back.

 “If you have a suggestion, you can just say it,” he said slowly. “If not then shut the hell up.” Another tile disappeared, and Quentin ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

 “I don’t know why the quest sent you and Eliot,” Alice said standing up. “The two most worthless magician’s I’ve ever met.” Quentin stood up, a tile clenched in his hand.

 “Don’t say that about Eliot,” he said coldly. Alice just shrugged.

 “But it’s okay to say it about you, right?” Quentin didn’t say anything, instead, he squatted back down and tried again to place a tile. “It’s sweet that you stand up for him, pathetic, but sweet.”  She started walking around the outline of the mosaic and looked toward the cottage. “Your wife finally took off it seems.” Quentin shook his head and tried another tile.

 “I don’t have to listen to you,” he said.

 “It’s good she did,” Alice said going on as if Quentin hadn’t spoken. “She got that kid away from you, but he’s already screwed, isn’t he? He has your DNA so he’ll probably end up just as fucked up like you.” Anger was taking over him, Quentin stood and faced her.

 "Shut the fuck up,” he growled. “You are not even real, this-” He grabbed at the air around him in emphasis. “Isn’t real either. This is just my fucking dream fucking with my head.”

 “If it’s just your dream then why don’t you wake up?” Alice challenged. Quentin closed his eyes. He was sick of this, every night it seemed he had the same dream. Different people, but the same dream nonetheless. He opened his eyes to find Alice smirking at him. “Failed again.”

 “Goddammit,” Quentin said under his breath as he turned his back to her.

 “So where is Eliot?” Alice asked walking over to him. “Did he leave you too? Found someone better, less depressed more normal I’m thinking. Poor guy has been stuck here for four years with you.”

 “Shut up,” Quentin said as he started to pace.

 “It’s admirable that you haven’t driven him away yet,” Alice said moving to stand in front of Quentin, forcing him to stop pacing. “Because that’s what you do. You punish us, Quentin,” Quentin shook his head, but Alice just continued to smile. “You punish us because you hate yourself so much you want to hurt anyone for loving you.”

 “Shut up!” Quentin yelled, his hands shaking.

 “You know it’s true Quentin.”

 “No,” Quentin said shaking his head. “You don’t know me anymore.”

 “Quentin.” She said, her voice sounding more distant.

 “Leave me the hell alone,” Quentin said stepping towards her.

 “ _Quentin_ _!_ ” Quentin jolted awake, and Eliot’s arms tightened around him. “Hey, you’re okay.” Quentin fell back against his pillow, breathing heavily. He turned toward Eliot who was practically cradling him. Eliot brought a hand up to Quentin’s forehead and gently smoothed back his hair out of his sweaty face.

 “Eliot?” Quentin breathed, his mind buzzing with the remains of his nightmare.

 “I’m right here,” Eliot said softly and kissed his temple. “You were dreaming; you’re okay.” Quentin wrapped himself around Eliot and buried his face in his chest. Breathing in deeply, the feeling of hopelessness brought on by the dream, seemed to be fading away. Eliot stroked his back in calming circles, and Quentin felt the tension in him almost leave him entirely.

 It had been a week since Arielle had left and they had settled into a beautiful pattern of denial. They didn’t say much to each other, keeping it simple to avoid more fights. Eliot was spending a lot of evenings with Garrett. He was helping him paint his new house, and they had started moving in some of his things. Quentin kept his word, and each time Eliot left Quentin would kiss him goodbye and assure him everything was fine. He knew they were still having sex, but Quentin had decided it was best if Eliot kept it to himself.

They hadn't attempted sex again. They mostly kept their distance from each other; maybe a kiss here and there and their hands always seemed to find their way to each other if they sat close enough. Although, those moments when they were in bed together, either about to fall asleep or waking somehow always in each other's arms, they would hold each other as if nothing had ever happened. Quentin closed his eyes, his cheek resting on Eliot’s chest, his heart beating calmly just underneath where he lay his head.

 “Are you going to tell me what this one was about?” Eliot asked, his voice vibrating almost through Quentin’s body. Quentin smiled at the feeling and kissed Eliot’s chest.

 “I don’t remember,” he lied and tried to ignore the sting he felt at how easy it was to lie. “Thank you for waking me up.”  Eliot cupped Quentin’s face in his hands and tilted him up to look at him. With a smile, he brought Quentin’s face to his and kissed him. Quentin pushed himself up and kissed back, knowing this moment wouldn’t last, he relished in the feel of Eliot underneath him. Eliot pulled back first, and the two just smiled at each other for a moment.

 “We should get up,” Eliot said finally. “The sun’s been up for a while now. I want to get the left corner finished before lunch.” Eliot untangled himself from Quentin and got up. Quentin watched him as he pulled some clothes out of their dresser next to the bed.

 “Remember when you never got up before noon?” Quentin asked as he leaned back against the headboard. Eliot smirked and pulled a shirt over his head. “After some party that went on until dawn. You and Margo presiding over it like you were unknowingly preparing for Fillory. I probably passed out before midnight.” Quentin chuckled, suddenly filled with the happy memories of Brakebills and the cottage. Eliot turned to him now, a thoughtful look on his face.

 “You don’t talk about all of that anymore,” he waved his hand as if the memories had slipped out of Quentin’s head and were floating around the room. “It’s kind of nice.” Eliot smiled as he pulled up his pants and a lock of his dark hair fell into his face. Quentin pulled his knees to chest smiling back. Resting his chin on knees, he watched Eliot straighten himself up.

 “I wish you would tell me what your dreams are about,” Eliot said, turning away from Quentin now in a search for his shoes. “You’re the one who always used to tell me how important it was to talk about the uncomfortable things.” Quentin dropped his knees down now, frowning he stared down at his hands. He had hoped the topic of his dreams wouldn’t come back up.

 “I told you,” Quentin said. “I don’t remember. It’s not that big of a deal; you should just let it go.” Eliot shot him an annoyed glance before finding his shoes.

 “If it’s not a big deal then why do you wake up in a cold sweat and panicked most nights?” Eliot came over to the bed and sat down, his back to Quentin as he pulled on his shoes. “Kind of feels like a big deal.”

 “Okay, yes, it’s not fun,” Quentin said slowly. “But it’s not surprising either. I’ve been stressed out, so it’s gets turned into stressful dreams at night. Nothing I can’t deal with.”  Eliot looked over his shoulder at him, his expression unreadable, then he stood up.

 “I bet if Arielle were here, you’d tell her.” He mumbled it, but Quentin still heard it.

 “What is that supposed to mean?” Quentin asked moving to the side of the bed now.

 “It means what I said,” Eliot said turning around to face him. “If she were here then you would have no problem talking to her. I don’t know if it’s because she’s your wife or-”

 “Are you serious?” Quentin snapped, interrupting Eliot before he could say anything else. “You have a problem with my relationship with my wife after you’ve done nothing but bitch and whine about me being jealous about Garrett? That’s just great Eliot.” Eliot snorted and shook his head.

 “Those two things aren’t the same,” he said.

 “How are they not?” Quentin said standing up. “Jealousy is jealousy.”

 “It’s different because you _married_ her Quentin!” Eliot exclaimed. “Garrett is my fuck buddy; it’s not like there are feelings involved.” He moved over to the door, looking like he could reach for the handle any second and bolt out of there.

 “So you want to have that debate?” Quentin asked as he sat back down on the bed. “Which is worse, physically cheating or emotionally cheating?”

 “I thought nothing was cheating; we agreed that wouldn’t be a thing.” Eliot pointed out. Quentin almost laughed out loud; it probably would have made Eliot more pissed if had.

 “So that should mean you can’t keep throwing being married back in my face,” Quentin said almost proudly.  Eliot rolled his eyes, but Quentin knew from his expression that he didn’t have a response.

 For Quentin, it hurt that Eliot would want to have sex with someone else. It made him feel insecure about himself like he could never measure up. Eliot called it his Alice baggage, but it wasn’t just her. Quentin had watched Eliot for months at Brakebills, a new boy hanging off him almost every week. He never said it out loud, or had let himself dwell too long on his passing thoughts of _why not me_? He let it go after he got together with Alice, but it was always in the back of his mind that he had not been good enough for Eliot’s affections.

 Though Eliot had never said, Quentin guessed he felt more hurt by Quentin connecting with Arielle on a broader and more personal level. Sometimes Quentin forgot that despite the quick ease of the start of their friendship, Eliot didn’t open himself up to many people. He guarded his heart thanks to a lifetime of it breaking over and over. To share the part of himself that only Quentin and Margo knew, that meant more than just having sex. For Quentin to give his heart to Arielle must have felt like a betrayal. Like when Quentin chose to help Alice and Julia instead of him.

 “I’m going to get started.” Eliot finally said quickly. “Come out when you’re ready.” Without another glance, Eliot was out the door, and Quentin was left alone in the cottage.

 

***********************************

 

As the morning turned into afternoon, not only had they had finished the left corner Eliot had wanted, they finished all but the right top corner. It was the fastest they had worked in months. They had worked mostly in silence, just giving instructions on which tile to place next and stopping only for a quick lunch. Quentin had to admit, despite the uncomfortable vibe between them, they did work faster when they didn’t talk. Eliot must have been thinking the same thing because he turned to Quentin with an impressed smile.

 “Look how fast we go when keeping the banter to a minimum,” he said, comfortable ease came with his words and Quentin smiled.

 “I want you to remember this for the future,” Quentin said in a teasing tone. “When you’re wasting time trying to convince me to make the dick pattern once again.” Eliot laughed, and his fingers trailed along Quentin’s arm playfully.

 “Do you want to take a break?” he asked. “I think we earned a break.” Quentin nodded and they sat down at the table and each grabbed for the peaches that they had set out earlier. They sat across from each other in a more comfortable silence now, Quentin chewed on his peach and watched as Eliot squirmed in his seat a bit.

 “What am I sitting on?” he said asked and then pulled out one of Rupert’s rubber teething toys out from under him. Quentin’s first reaction to seeing the toy was a momentary panic that Rupert didn’t have such an important toy at the moment. He calmed when he remembered how much stuff Arielle actually took and he probably had a lot more. Then a rush of sadness that was always there since the day they left. It was like there was a hole inside him that would swallow him up if he thought about Rupert for too long. He hadn’t realized how deeply he could actually feel things until he had become a father.

 “I thought Arielle got all of these before she left,” Quentin said reaching over for it. Eliot handed it to him, and he stared down at it in his palm. It was just a small circle of rubber Eliot had made it one afternoon. Rupert would push most of his hand inside it and stick the whole thing in his mouth. Delighted with himself that he could suck on both the toy and hand.

 “God, I miss him,” Eliot said softly with a smile. “It’s times like these that I miss phones. You know that if we were back in our time, Arielle would be sending us pictures of him every five minutes.” Eliot chuckled and took the teething toy back from Quentin and passed it between his hands. “She would be all about Snapchat wouldn’t she? Her and I would probably compete over who could take cutest ones of Rupert.” Quentin smiled. He loved hearing Eliot talk about their son. This warm feeling would spread all over him and he felt so lucky to be raising a child with him. Quentin knew that he hadn’t expressed this to Eliot enough, one more of those things he had gotten wrong lately.

 “I never pictured you the type.” Quentin said. Eliot looked at him, suddenly looking more cautious.

 “What type?” he asked.

 “You know,” Quentin said casually. “Like, the guy with a million pictures of his kid on his phone.” Eliot’s face looked almost hurt now, and he dropped Rupert’s toy on the table.

 “Wow, you really do think I hate kids.” he scoffed. Quentin blinked and reached out his hand and grabbed Eliot’s.

 “Wait, no,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean that it’s just-I like thinking of you as the guy with a million pictures of his kid on his phone.” Eliot didn’t look convinced and Quentin wanted to kick himself. Eliot was still struggling with becoming a father. Quentin had to reassure him all the time that he was doing a good job and that Rupert really was his son. He never seemed to be comfortable with the title, and the few moments he did Quentin always seemed to say the wrong thing and ruin it. “Come on Eliot, don’t turn this into a thing.”

 “A thing?” Eliot asked looking at him sharply. Quentin withdrew his hand with a sigh, the moment of peace of them was quickly dwindling away.

 “Yeah, a thing,” Quentin said pushing back his hair from his face. “When you twist my words around to make it sound like I’m calling you a bad father. Isn’t that your favorite game after bitching about my marriage?” He hadn’t meant to come off so petulant, but he knew where the conversation would eventually end.

 “Maybe if you actually treated me like a father,” Eliot said looking away from Quentin. “Then I wouldn’t have to wonder if it’s because you think I’m horrible at it.” That stung, and Eliot probably meant it too.

 “I treat you like a father,” Quentin retorted. “How the hell do I not treat you like one?”

 “For one, you kicked me out of the bed instead of letting me help when Rupert was teething.” Quentin groaned and put his peach on the table; he wasn’t hungry anymore.

 “I thought you were over that,” he said. “El, you know I did that meaning all three of us would take turns-”

 “But that’s not what happened!” Eliot interrupted. “Every night it was you and Arielle taking care of him and me, sleeping outside like the dog.” His words felt like a punch in the gut. Quentin’s anger was momentarily replaced with sympathy that Eliot would compare himself to an animal. He also felt shame for being the one who made him feel that way.

 “I’ve apologized a million times,” Quentin said. “I did that because I wanted you to be able to sleep. You never asked for kids; it wasn’t something we planned. I didn’t want you to have to deal with the crappiest part of it.” Eliot rolled his eyes and tossed his peach aside.

 “So because I didn’t grow up with dreams of fatherhood in my head, I only get to be a dad when you say?” he asked. Quentin stood up now, raking his fingers through his hair.

 “God, Eliot,” he snapped. “I’m the one who had to talk you into being a dad in the first place!” Eliot stood now as well, walking around the table and coming to stand in front of him.

 “Why?”

 “Why what?” Quentin asked frowning.

 “Why did you insist so much for me to be involved?” Eliot asked.“If you didn’t want me to have to deal with half of the things that come with being a dad, why beg me? Why not just let me be cool Uncle Eliot? Because that’s how you treat me.”

 “You’re not the cool uncle,” Quentin tried to say but Eliot shook his head.

 “Everyone thinks I am!” He said. “And when you only let me do anything with him when he’s fine sure seems like you think of me as the Uncle, so tell me, why did you even want me to be a father in the first place?”

 “Because I fucking love you!” Quentin shouted, his frustration boiling over. He didn’t know how he was supposed to answer that question. He thought it was obvious. “We are together, maybe not as conventional as me and Arielle or whatever, but we’re together. My life includes you Eliot. Of course, I would want you to be in this with me. Besides, you really think you would have stuck around being the cool Uncle?” Eliot snorted and shook his head.

 “There it is,” he said.

 “What?” Quentin asked, suddenly feeling very tired.

 “The real reason you asked me,” Eliot said. “You were just scared I would leave. It always comes down to that. Just like with Garrett.” Quentin balled his hands into fists and walked closer to the mosaic. He needed to put some distance between them.

 “Oh fuck you, Eliot,” Quentin said. “You’re scared of the same thing, that’s why you hate it I married Arielle. Don’t throw that excuse on me like I’m some insecure, jealous asshole because you’re guilty of a lot of the same things.” Eliot glared at him and then turned to the cottage.

 “Didn’t you say we needed to go to the village for some supplies today?” he asked.

 “Changing the subject,” Quentin said rolling his eyes. “What a surprise.” Quentin had hit a nerve with Eliot so of course, he was ready for this discussion to be over.

 “I think you should go,” Eliot said shortly.

 “We were going to go together? Remember?” Eliot had no plans with Garrett that night, so they had agreed to spend the entire day together. A walk to the village had actually seemed nice yesterday.

 “Just go by yourself,” Eliot snapped and then went inside the cottage, slamming the door behind him.

 

***************************************

 

Quentin finally got the last thing on the list and was ready to head back home. He hated to admit it, but getting away from Eliot had been what he needed. He wondered how much longer they could do this. Have a few moments of what they used to be followed swiftly by yelling and accusations neither knew how to solve. For the first time in a long time, Quentin was really scared. If they couldn’t get past this, what would happen to the quest? More importantly, Quentin didn’t know what would happen to him without Eliot.

 “Quentin!” Quentin closed his eyes and suppressed a groan. “I thought that was you!” When he turned around, he saw Garrett running up to him with a wide smile on his face. “It’s good to see you again, how are you doing?” Quentin wondered why he was so cheerful, then remembered he was sleeping with Eliot.

 “Doing great Garrett,” he said tightly. “And yourself?”

 “Never better,” Garrett said brightly. “I’ll be completely moved in soon. Eliot and I think we’ll have everything moved by the end of the week.” Quentin flinched that the implication of _Eliot and I_ and started walking out of the village. Garrett followed him. “We’ll be neighbors soon; I’m really excited to start my life here.”

 “That sounds great,” Quentin said pulling the bag he carried higher onto his shoulder.

 “You know, I gotta hand it to you and Eliot,” Now Quentin looked over at him confused. “I didn’t understand the polygamy thing you guys have going, but I’m starting to see it’s appeal!” Quentin stopped walking and faced him now.

 “Really?” he asked. Garrett smiled even wider if that even possible.

 “Completely,” he said. “I mean at first, it was strange, I couldn’t understand how you guys dealt with the jealousy that must come up,” He chuckled and Quentin suppressed the need to punch him in his perfect face. “But now I really appreciate it. It means I can also be with Eliot, and he has been great. We have fun together, and not just the sex which-” he shot a look at Quentin who was glaring at him. “Maybe we don’t talk about that.”

 “That’d be a good idea Garrett.” Quentin said and started walking again.

 “I’m sorry,” Garrett said quickly following him. “I was just trying to say that I’m glad I get to have the little I have with Eliot. And with me moving closer, it’s nice to know I have people nearby who I know. I’ve lived on my parents farm my whole life, with just one other family that lived nearby. The hardest part of moving out here was to be alone.” Quentin quickened  his pace, Garrett didn’t seem to notice. “I really like Eliot, and if keeps going well, I’m just glad we’ll all be living close by.” Quentin stopped and turned to Garrett.

 “And why is that?” he asked.

 “If Eliot ever wants to come live with me, you and Arielle can be a nice little family with your son, and Eliot can still be nearby. It’s really a nice arrangement.” Quentin stared wide eyed at him, he suddenly felt cold all over. Garrett finally seemed to notice that Quentin was upset and he started to look uncomfortable. “Well, we’re at my stop, I should get going. It was nice seeing, and-” he looked like he wanted to say more, but one more look at Quentin’s face stopped him. He nodded and quickly went into the bar they had stopped in front of.

 Quentin watched him go. This whole time Eliot had said nothing but occasional sex and an innocent friendship was going on between them. Just earlier that day he had called Garrett his _fuck buddy_. Garrett had made it sound like it was something a little deeper. He’d been more focused on being pissed about Eliot having sex with someone else, he’d pushed the thought of him _loving_ someone else to the back of his mind for the past week. Now confronted with the thought, Quentin could almost feel the start of his heart breaking. Looking up at the bar, Quentin decided he needed a drink.

 

**********************************************

 

It was dark by the time Quentin stumbled up the mosaic. He stood at the edge of it and looked down at all the work he and Eliot had accomplished today. It was supposed to be a full moon. Dark all around the edges, getting lighter as the tiles came to the middle. It was surprising complicated, figuring out which colors worked the best closer or farther from the center where they had placed all the yellow. They came up with this pattern sometime after Rupert was born. In this magic moment where they were all so in love with the new baby that they forgot all about the changes that were happening in their relationship. Quentin brought the bottle of tree whiskey to his lips and took another drink.

 After one shot at the bar, Quentin wanted more but he was acutely aware that Garrett was in a room somewhere above him. Tash, the bartender, told him how he sold the the drink by the bottle and Quentin thought that was a better idea. He had reached drunk by the time he had reached the Martin Landau rocks. He looked up at the cottage, lights were coming to the windows so Eliot was still up.

 “Quentin! Where the hell were you?” Eliot exclaimed, jumping to his feet as Quentin stumbled through the door. “What took you so long?” Quentin almost tripped over his feet and grabbed onto the door to hold himself up.

 “I took the long way,” he slurred. Eliot looked him up and down and noticed the bottle hanging from Quentin’s hand.

 “Are you drunk?” he asked. “Q, what the hell?”

 “Oh, like you’ve never been drunk,” Quentin said bringing the bottle back up to his mouth. Eliot stormed over and snatched the bottle out of his hands before he could. “I was drinking that!”

 “Yeah, I know.” Eliot said putting the bottle in a cabinet. “You’ve had enough.”

 “God, you’re such a hypocrite.” Quentin said, dropping his head back against the door. “When you want to drink your body’s weight in alcohol it’s totally fine, but I can’t have just a little?” Quentin glared at Eliot, who just shook his head and reached out for Quentin.

 “Well I hold my liquor a hell of a lot better than you,” he said taking Quentin’s arm. “You should lie down.” Quentin pulled roughly out of Eliot’s grasp, stumbling back as he did and falling on his ass. “Jesus Q,” Eliot breathed and reached down to help him up.

 “Get off me!” Quentin snapped as he pushed Eliot’s hands away. Eliot stood up and took a step back. Quentin took a few deep breaths and he stared up through his hair at Eliot. “You’re such a hypocrite.” he repeated.

 “Okay,” Eliot said holding up his hands in mock surrender. “I’m a hypocrite; you hold your liquor just fine. Now, will you please let me help you?”

 “I ran into Garrett,” Quentin said, a bitter chuckle accompanying his words. “He told me how excited he is for you and he to set up house so me and Arielle can be a family.” Eliot crossed his arms looking confused.

 “What?” he asked.

 “You said he was just a fuck buddy,” Quentin said leaning his back against the wall, he started to push himself up. “We’re supposed to be honest and shit. If you want to start dating him just tell me. I did.”

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Eliot said, but Quentin didn’t pay any attention.

 “And you bitch and bitch about me being married, make me feel like a terrible person, and then you turn around and hide that you might be headed down the same path.” Quentin had himself standing up now, leaning heavily on the wall. “You need him as an escape plan.”

 “What escape plan?” Eliot asked frowning.

 “You know, for you when you can’t take it anymore. You’ll have a bed to crawl into.” Quentin pushed off the wall and took a few unsteady steps toward Eliot. “You said it earlier, I trapped you with a kid, and now you’re stuck. You never wanted to be a father, you never wanted this life, you got stuck here with my sorry ass, and you can’t wait to get the fuck away from me can you?” By the time he got to the end of that, he was shouting. Eliot was glaring at him; he was biting his lip in that way that Quentin knew he was trying to hold back.

 “Q,” he said slowly. “Let's get you to bed.”

 “Oh, now you don’t want to fight?” Quentin laughed and his knees buckled a little but he caught himself. “You’ve been picking fights all day and now that I’m starting one you want to be the cool-headed one? Yell at me back!”

 “You don’t want me too,” Eliot said through clenched teeth.

 “Oh I want it,” Quentin said leaning forward towards Eliot. “I want to hear all about what a jealous, whiny little brat I am and how tortured you’ve been. Come on Eliot!” Quentin spread out his arms and smiled. “It’s your favorite song, let's talk about how I never choose you, isn’t it about time for that fight?” Quentin was suddenly pitching forward, he wasn’t sure if he had moved or his body had just dove down on it’s own, but Eliot caught him before he fell too far. Quentin could feel Eliot’s heart beating wildly in his chest and Quentin felt pangs of guilt for upsetting him.

 “I know what you’re doing Q,” Eliot whispered and Quentin rest his head against Eliot’s cheek. “Stop pushing.” Quentin closed his eyes against the spinning room and he tried to bring his arms up to wrap around Eliot’s body. Before he could figure out how to do that, Eliot pushed him, not roughly but not to carefully either, onto the bed. He pushed Quentin’s legs up and then threw a blanket over him. Quentin watched him, his eyes feeling heavier and the buzzing in his ears getting louder.

 “Sleep it off.” Eliot sneered and then stormed outside. Quentin starred up at the ceiling, shadows dancing across, and the only thought that came to him was that any nightmare he might have would be better than this day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have slower updates as I am super busy, but I hope everyone can stick with me! Let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

Eliot had been staring at the same spot on the wall for the past two hours. His ass had gone numb long ago, and he knew his back would be sore from sitting like this on the floor for so long. Right over his shoulder, Quentin was passed out and had somehow gone entirely diagonal on the bed. Eliot usually would have made room for himself, but after pacing inside and out for the entire night, he couldn’t find the effort even to try to sleep.

Eliot had been racking his brain to try to figure out what Quentin had been talking about when he said he had spoken to Garrett. The topic of Eliot moving in with him had never come back up after their first meeting when Eliot had made it clear that he wouldn’t be moving away from the mosaic. At least he thought he had been clear. Now Eliot doubted everything. He had tried to be careful to not lead Garrett on; he was a nice guy. A little socially awkward, which was one of the things that attracted Eliot to him, and he never wanted to make this guy think more was going to happen. He thought Garrett was on the same page as him, he was all about starting his new independent life, away from his family and one step closer to leaving this life behind to go to Castle Whitespire to be a guard one day.

Maybe Quentin had misinterpreted what Garrett had said. He loved Quentin, but he was prone to jumping to terrible conclusions when he was distressed and the day before had been a particularly distressing day for both of them. Eliot hated to admit it, but Quentin had been right when he’d pointed out that Eliot had been picking fights. He only did that because he was at the end of his rope. Every morning it seemed that Quentin wasn’t telling him things and was shutting him out. The last time he had done that, Quentin ran off into the arms of Arielle.

“Oh fuck,” Quentin’s croaky voice came from behind him. Eliot looked over his shoulder and watched as Quentin tried to push himself up from where he had smashed into the pillow. His red-rimmed and puffy eyes found Eliot. “What the hell?”

“Morning Sunshine,” Eliot said mockingly. “Sleep well?” Quentin closed his eyes and curled up into a ball.

“Why the fuck did I drink?” he moaned, and Eliot couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“Beats me,” Quentin suddenly jolted up and crawled to the edge of the bed, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. Eliot had been prepared and lifted up the bucket he’d set by the bed and held it out just in time. Quentin gripped the sides as he threw up violently into it. Eliot moved, so he was kneeling by the bed now. With one hand he helped Quentin hold the bucket, and his other swiftly went to pull back his hair.

“That’s it,” Eliot said as he scrunched up his nose in disgust. “Get everything out, get ready for the dry heaves.” Quentin lifted his face just long enough to glare at Eliot before ducking his head back down for another wave. After a minute or two, Quentin finally fell back onto the bed. His face was pale as a ghost and covered in sweat.

“Oh fuck,” he said again. “I’m dying!” Quentin shut his eyes tightly and hugged his knees to his chest. “This is alcohol poisoning, isn’t it? I’ve got alcohol poisoning, and we’re stuck back in time and in another world. You can’t take me to the emergency room! I’m gonna die!” Eliot stood up with a sigh. When he was hungover, Quentin could become very dramatic.

“You’re not dying,” Eliot said as he went to the sink and filled a glass of water. “You’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” Quentin asked as he watched Eliot come over to him.

“I am,” Eliot held the water out to him. “Sip this, don’t drink it too fast; I’ll clean up.” Eliot took the bucket outside to empty it and clean it out hopefully before Quentin needed to use it again.

Quentin didn’t get as drunk as he’d been the night before that often. He was such a lightweight; he would usually pass out after a drink and half. It seemed as though, whenever he was overly anxious or depressed, his tolerance went up. Like his depression would do whatever it could to harm him as much as possible.

When he went back inside, Quentin was still curled into a ball but seemed a little more comfortable than he had before. His eyes followed Eliot as he set the bucket back down and pulled a chair over to the bed.

“I’m sorry Eliot,” Quentin said, curling his arms around a pillow. “I said some really fucked up shit last night, at least I think I did.”

“You did,” Eliot said quickly. Quentin’s glossy eyes widened just a bit like he slowly remembered everything he said the night before.

“Yeah,” he said, his eyes averting away. “I did, not think, I did.” Quentin shivered, his teeth chattered a bit, and Eliot shook his head as he pulled a blanket up to his shoulders. “You’re being so nice,” Quentin said softly.

“I’m a nice person Q,” Eliot reminded him tightly. “Just because I want to ring your neck right now doesn’t mean I’m actually going to do it.” Quentin pulled the blanket up to his chin and looked sheepishly at Eliot.

“You should,” he said. “I would.”

“No you wouldn’t,” Eliot said crossing his arms across his chest. “You’re a nice person too, last night notwithstanding.” Quentin tried to hide a hint of a smile, but Eliot saw it. Even though he was angry at him, and the things Quentin had said were still ringing in his ears, he couldn’t help but smile slightly back. “Besides, I know better than most what alcohol can do to an already overthinking mind.”

“Look,” Quentin pushed himself up to a sitting position, though he leaned heavily on the pillows. “Alcohol or not, I still am so sorry for the things I said.” Eliot knew he was; he knew last night as the words came out that somewhere in there Quentin didn’t mean what he was saying. There were probably half-truths or genuine feelings coming out; but he knew Quentin better than anyone, even Margo. That realization reminded Eliot of just why he was so mad.

“Why did you say those things?” Eliot asked. Quentin looked confused.

“I was drunk,” he said.

“Why were you drunk?” Quentin sat up a little more on his own now.

“Is this a pop quiz?” Standing, Eliot ran a hand through his hair and tried not to let Quentin’s tone piss him off even more.

“I don’t know what Garrett said to you,” he said. “But I thought you trusted me more than that.”

“Of course I trust you!” Quentin said defensively “Garrett said-”

“I don’t care what Garrett said!” Eliot exclaimed, cutting him off. “What I care about is some guy who you’ve had one, maybe two conversations with, tells you something about me, _about me_ , and you just believed him.”

“Garrett is not just some random guy in the village spouting out gossip Eliot!” Quentin shot back. “You guys have been spending a lot of time together, and you don’t really tell me things lately.” Eliot laughed which just made Quentin glare at him.

“That’s interesting coming from you.” Eliot snapped. Quentin glared at him and opened his mouth ready to yell right back, but then his face dropped. Quentin brought his shaking hands up to his face, and he seemed to try to calm himself down. After a breath or two, he wrapped one arm around his stomach. Eliot inched forward, ready to grab the bucket but then Quentin looked up at him with a look of defeat. Any argument he had flew from his mind and the need to comfort Quentin took its place.

“What are we doing Eliot?” he asked. “We just keep going round and round, blaming each other for the same thing over and over. I get mad because I’m scared you’re going to find someone better than me, someone, whose brain doesn’t break and wouldn’t be nearly as selfish as I’ve been lately.” Quentin reached for the blanket, pulling it back onto his lap, twirling his fingers in the material. “You get mad at me because I don’t know how to tell you things that I can barely admit to myself and I’m not ready to say out loud yet. It’s a never-ending cycle, and I’m just so fucking tired.” Quentin dropped his eyes, and Eliot felt his own wave of exhaustion hit him.

“Yeah,” he said walking over to the bed. “I’m tired too.” Quentin moved over a little, smiling Eliot accepted the invitation and sat down next to him. They sat next to each other being careful not to touch.

“I trust you,” Quentin said softly. “I trust you more than anyone I ever have, but I know that you don’t tell me much about Garrett because it just starts a fight. So I don’t really know what is going on between you guys and I got scared, so I got drunk and pissed.” Quentin gave Eliot a nervous glance. “To answer your question.” Eliot nodded, and his fingers started itching to grasp onto Quentin’s hand that sat next to his on the bed.

“What did Garrett say?” he asked. “Because honestly, we never talked about living together.”

“He said that it was great he was living so close to people he knew. Which, you know, fair.” Quentin said with a shrug, and Eliot smiled. “But then he said that polygamy was great because he got to be with you and if you ever wanted to live with him, we were still close. Plus it would be great for me, Arielle and Rupert to get to be a family.” Eliot felt cold rush all over him. Not even Garrett saw him as a father. Though they rarely spoke about Rupert, Eliot thought that at least Garrett recognized how important that was to him. He complained enough about it at least. Quentin took his hand and squeezed it, and Eliot pressed back, feeling suddenly grateful.

“What he said are his thoughts,” Eliot said. “We don’t talk about that kind of stuff. He wants to go to Castle Whitespire someday and be a palace guard.

“Really?” Quentin asked. Eliot almost laughed, for just a second, Quentin got caught up in a piece of gossip, and it was like they were back at Brakebills.

“Yeah,” Eliot said. “So we don’t talk about the future because his future is leaving and my future is here.” Quentin gazed up at him, his eyes glossing over, and he nodded.

“I may puke again.” Eliot laughed and kissed his forehead.

“Well in that case,” he stood up and set the bucket on the bed next to Quentin. “Here’s this, if you need it. How about we forget about the puzzle today, the garden is looking terrible, and Arielle will kill us if we mess that up for her.” Quentin grinned, he was starting to look a little green. “I’ll tackle that, you rest and remember how bad you feel for the next time you decide to drink your troubles away.” Quentin rolled his eyes, but he also smiled playfully.

“Haha,” he said sarcastically.

“I’m meeting up with Garrett later.” Quentin frowned slightly and pulled the bucket closer to him. “I’ll talk to him, and hopefully we can talk later tonight.” Eliot was feeling the beginning of hope that he and Quentin could talk about things without it being an all our war.

“Okay,” Quentin said weakly. Eliot could tell Quentin was either about to throw up or pass out.

“Get some rest,” Quentin nodded, and Eliot quickly went outside. Walking past the puzzle; he went to the garden instead. The sun was entirely up now, and Eliot felt calm for the first time in a while. He still had to talk to Garrett. If he didn’t see Eliot as much as Rupert’s father as Quentin was; maybe whatever they had going on didn’t need to keep going on. But maybe Garrett just didn’t know, and it was just a misunderstanding. Eliot pushed those thoughts from his mind as he started to weed Arielle’s garden. For the first time in months, it felt like he and Quentin were going to be okay.

****************************************

As Eliot walked up to Garrett’s house, he tried to push past his discomfort. Garrett was supposed to be his fun and uncomplicated friend. Being around him had been the one time where Eliot didn’t feel the weight of all that was going on with Quentin and the quest. Everything had been fun and carefree and not about feelings or futures. Walking up to Garrett bending over pulling weeds out from his would be garden, Eliot sighed as he admired one of those many fun things he was reluctant to ruin.

Garrett stood up and noticed Eliot for the first time. He broke in a huge smile and waved Eliot over. Eliot still felt the same excitement as the first time he saw those dimples, but now it was accompanied by a weight. How could Garrett think that there would be a time that he would move away from his family? That he would turn away from his son? It could be Eliot’s fault. He didn’t like to talk much about Rupert with Garrett. It felt wrong to talk about his kid with the person he was sleeping with, like he betraying all parties at once. But maybe he had been wrong, and now he was seen as the guy who didn’t care about his kid, and that didn’t feel any better.

“Hey, stranger!” Garrett smiled and took Eliot’s hand when he got close enough. “I’m almost done with this, and we just have one wall in the back room to finish. I figured we could speed through that and then head to the village and have dinner at the bar followed by dessert.” he wiggled his eyebrows at Eliot and gave him a quick kiss. Pulling back, he seemed to notice Eliot’s discomfort. “Is this everything okay?” Eliot gave him a tight smile and pulled his hand back.

“Kind of,” he said pushing his hair back. “I just need to ask you something.” Garrett nodded.

“This is about Quentin isn’t it?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Eliot said slightly relieved. “He was upset about some of the things you said.”

“I really didn’t mean to bring up our sex life,” Garrett said quickly, looking embarrassed.

“That’s not-” Eliot stopped. “You talked about our sex life with him?” Quentin hadn’t mentioned _that_.

“It just sort of came out,” Garrett explained. “I didn’t mean to, he looked kind of pissed off, I got nervous after that. I know I make jokes about me intimidating him, but damn he’s a little intimidating as well.” Eliot could see that if Garrett mentioned anything about sex, Quentin would probably not have been in the greatest mood and everything he said after that would have a slight edge to it.

“I’m surprised he didn’t bring that up,” Eliot muttered.

“If he didn’t,” Garrett said. “What was he mad about?” Eliot opened his mouth to speak, and then he got a glimpse at those green eyes which seemed to shine in the late afternoon light. He didn’t want to fight. He didn’t want to discuss anything. That was all his life had been for months it felt like, and he was so tired. Not sleeping the night before was suddenly catching up with him and Eliot was done.

“You know what,” he said slowly smiling. “I think I know why he got mad now.”

“I promise, not to bring up sex to your boyfriend again,” Garrett said, placing a hand over his heart. Eliot chuckled and grabbed his shirt to pull him into a kiss.

“That would be a wise idea,” he said. Garrett laughed and kissed him playfully. Eliot looked toward the house; it was shame Garrett had yet to move in a bed. “Why don’t skip to dessert?” he asked. Garrett’s eyebrows rose, and he grinned.

“I think that’s a great idea,” he said wrapping his arms around Eliot’s waist, pulling him up against him. “I wanted you inside me from the moment I woke up this morning.” Garrett had barely got the sentence out before Eliot was kissing him again. He didn’t feel the weight on his shoulders anymore, and all he wanted to was to drown himself in sex, and for a few hours, he could be free from everything. They were pulling each other's clothes off as they stumbled into Garrett’s house. It turned out; they didn’t need a bed.

  
****************************************

They never ended up painting that back wall. After having sex on the floor of Garrett’s kitchen, they went to the village to have dinner at the bar. They didn’t talk about Quentin again, and Eliot figured that Garrett probably hadn’t meant what he said. Garrett was happy to have people he knew close by. He and Quentin needed to deal with their issues, not him and Garrett.

After they ate, they went up to Garrett’s room for another round of sex. Afterward, Eliot needed a minute to lay down before he could even think about walking the hour back to the mosaic. He lay on his back, propped up on the pillows, and a sheet over his lap. Garrett sat stretched out and naked at the end of the bed. He brought up a bowl of blueberries the bar owner had given him, and it sat on the bed between them.

“Do you think of me as a dad?” Eliot asked.

“That question kind of makes me uncomfortable,” Garrett said with a smile. “You’re definitely not like my father.” Eliot rolled his eyes and threw a blueberry at him.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said. “Come on, do you even remember I have a son?” Garrett popped a blueberry in his mouth and shrugged.

“I don’t really think much about it,” he said. “I mean, you don’t talk about him, only that you get mad about how Quentin does it all. But I know he exists if that’s what you’re wondering about.”

“What if I talked about him more?” Eliot asked.

“That would be nice,” Garrett said smiling. “Any little window into the inner workings of the one Eliot Waugh are appreciated.” Eliot settled further back into the pillows, resting his arm on his forehead.

“I was scared at first,” Garrett bent down and laid on his stomach watching, Eliot. “My dad wasn’t a good example so I didn’t think I would be any good at it. But then,” Eliot smiled, Rupert’s face coming to his mind and love filling him completely. “He smiles at me and all of those fears wash away. It doesn’t matter that I know they’ll be back, but when my son is smiling at me, I forget every bad thing I ever thought about myself. It’s amazing.” Garrett smiled and moved to lay on Eliot’s chest.

“You’re kind of amazing,” he said kissing Eliot’s jaw. “It’s sweet how much you love him.” Eliot smiled and closed his eyes. He felt warm and safe, and he thought maybe he could just lay here and rest a little before heading home.

***************************************

When Eliot opened his eyes again, light was pouring into the room. He blinked a couple of times, trying to clear his confusion. He had only closed his eyes for a few minutes. He didn’t think he had even fallen asleep. He certainly didn’t feel like he had slept. He heard snoring next to him and looked to see Garrett passed out on the other side of the bed. He listened to the early morning chirping of birds outside the window, and it began to hit him. He had fallen asleep and had broken the one promise he had made Quentin.

“Shit,” Eliot whispered and jolted out of bed. “Shit, shit, shit!” He was talking louder now, fumbling around looking for his clothes.

“Eliot?” Garrett sat up, blinking his eyes open. “Come back to bed.”

“It’s morning!” Eliot said as he frantically threw Garrett’s clothes around trying to find his. “Why did you let me fall asleep?” Eliot found his pants and quickly started to put them on.

“We both fell asleep,” Garrett said. “It’s what happens when people are tired. What’s the big deal?” Eliot almost fell over, and he struggled to get the right leg into the right pant leg. He shot Garrett a glare.

“The big deal is Q, and I have a rule about this,” he finally got his pants all the way on and went in search for his shirt. “No sleeping over. Come home every night, and I just fucked it up!”

“That sounds kind of harsh, is that why you rush out of here every time?” Garrett asked. “He expects you to walk an hour home every night, in the dark? Who knows what kind of creature could attack you, it’s much smarter and safer to stay here.”

“I can do magic,” Eliot said annoyed. “I’m not too scared about a creature attacking me-Found it!” he held up his shirt triumphally.

“But you are scared about your boyfriend, who let's not forget has a wife of his own, knowing you spent the night with someone else? That doesn’t sound very nice.” Eliot stopped just before pulling his shirt over his head and looked at Garrett incredulously.

“What are you trying to imply?” he asked.

“Look,” Garrett said standing up, he had at some point in the night got a light pair of cotton pants on himself letting Eliot know that he had known Eliot was asleep and had just let him keep sleeping. “I’m just saying that this whole thing with Quentin and his wife and you, it doesn’t seem to be working. I think you’re better off without them.” Eliot couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Eliot snapped pulling his shirt fully over his head. “My life with them is separate from you.”

“Is it?” Garrett laughed. “Because all you seem to talk about is how terrible things are with them. How much Quentin doesn’t respect you anymore and loves his wife over you. Which from everything you’ve told me is probably what’s going on.”

“God,” Eliot scoffed shaking his head. “Is this what you really think?” Garrett looked annoyed and walked around the bed, closer to Eliot.

“I have been trying to be understanding,” he said. “But, if I’m being honest, this whole polygamy thing makes no sense. It seems like Quentin is just greedy and wants everything and wants you left with nothing. Look how upset he got because of us! He doesn’t seem like a very good person.” Eliot had found his shoes, and it was taking everything in him not to start beating him with his shoe.

“You don’t get to talk about Quentin like that,” he said in a low and calm tone. “You don’t get to talk about Quentin period. I may talk about our problems because I needed someone to vent too, I needed to get things off my chest that I don’t completely mean, but I just need to say them. But I love him, and I don’t ever want to leave him.” Garrett looked mad now, and he crossed his arms across his chest with a shake of his head.

“You thought I was just some nice, dumb guy you could sleep with to get away from your problems at home?” he asked.

“I thought you understood that?” Eliot said pulling his shoes on.

“I guess I never understood anything,” Garrett said. He looked down at the ground for a second then back up at Eliot, fury in his eyes. “I could never understand how someone could be as brainwashed as much as that guy has you. He even uses his own kid as a way to keep you there. He’s emotionally manipulative, and I honestly feel sorry for you for not seeing it.” Eliot stared at Garrett as if he was seeing him for the first time. He couldn’t believe this whole time, Garrett must have felt this way. He found it interesting hearing him call Quentin emotionally manipulative. He felt so stupid, and a small part of him was angry that Quentin had been right. Quentin had never trusted Garrett’s intentions, and Eliot had defended him over and over. Now he had to go home and admit to Quentin he’d been right.

“Fuck you,” Eliot said turning towards the door and opening it.

“Bye Eliot,” Garrett yelled after him. “I’ll see you when you wise up!” Eliot slammed the door, biting his tongue to stop himself from yelling he’d see Garrett in hell. The faster he got out of there, the better. He needed to get home to Quentin.

“Eliot!” Tash, the guy who owned the bar, called out to him as he walked quickly to the door. “Your friend was looking for you.” Eliot stopped in his tracks and looked at the older man.

“My friend?” he asked.

“Yeah, Quentin,” he said. “He was worried, thought something happened. I assured him you were fine and was sleeping soundly upstairs.” Eliot felt his stomach drop. “I think he’s still around actually.” Tash pointed out the door and smiled, completely unaware he had helped hurt Quentin.

“Right,” Eliot said numbly. “Thanks,” Eliot went outside ready to look for Quentin, and he didn’t have to look far. Quentin was sitting on a bench right outside the door. He had arms pull around his body, and he glared at Eliot. “Q,” he whispered.

“I thought something happened to you,” Quentin said slowly. “I thought you were hurt, I thought you were dead.” he stood up now, his words coming out more rigid.

“Q, I’m so sorry,” Eliot said quickly. “I was so tired, and I thought I would just close my eyes and-”

“I can’t,” Quentin snapped. His eyes suddenly filled with tears and he turned away from Eliot. “I can’t do it anymore Eliot,” then he started to walk away.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Eliot asked as he quickly followed him. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep! You can’t possibly be pissed because I stayed awake the night before because of you-”

“This!” Quentin shouted turning around. “I can’t do this anymore Eliot. I’m done.” Eliot felt like the ground was going to fall out from under him and his whole body went cold. It felt like it was the moment he had been dreading since the night they first got together. Quentin had finally seen what a fuck up Eliot was and was leaving him. He had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him.

“What are you saying?” he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion. Quentin blinked, and a few tears fell down his face. He reached out and brought his hand to Eliot’s cheek. Gently running his thumb along Eliot’s cheekbone, Eliot saw a hint of the anger fading away.

“I’m saying, give me a ten-minute head start.” Then he turned around and started to walk home.

****************************

_“Wow,” Quentin said laughing. Eliot looked over him and laughed as well. They lay side by side on top of the mosaic. Torches still lit and their cups of wine discarded. “That was...better than I remember!” Quentin turned his head to look at Eliot. “Did you think it was better?”_

_“I only sort of remember our lovely little threesome,” Eliot said. “So I am going to say that it was better and more memorable.” Quentin laughed and shoved Eliot slightly. Eliot grabbed his hands and pulled him over to him._

_“Hey!” Quentin shouted laughing, playfully pushing Eliot off him but Eliot just pulled Quentin into his arms and kissed him. He had wanted this for so long. Longer than he was willing to admit to himself and he couldn’t believe it had actually happened. Quentin stilled in his embrace and kissed him back. When they pulled apart, Quentin was shaking his head._

_“This is insane,” Quentin said smiling. “I can’t believe you would ever-” he stopped himself and grabbed Eliot’s face and kissed him. When they pulled away, Quentin rolled over on his back, and he gazed up at the stars. Eliot watched him, a mix between the moonlight and firelight danced across his face. Quentin turned his head again, his eyes shining into the dark and Eliot smiled._

_“I’m glad I’m stuck here with you,” Quentin said._

_“I’m glad I’m stuck here with you too,”_

*****************************

When Eliot walked into the cottage, he half expected Quentin to be gone, or his stuff packed up by the door. Quentin was just sitting on their small couch looking at the ground though. He looked up when Eliot walked in and leaned back, trying to hide that he’d been crying.

“Quentin,” Eliot said walking toward him. “Just let me explain okay.” Quentin stood up, and with a quick movement of his fingers, he magically locked the door. Eliot looked from the door back to Quentin. “What are you doing?” he asked nervously.

“We’re going to talk Eliot,” Quentin said crossing his arms. “Neither of us are walking out of here until we have this figured out.” Eliot let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh, I kinda thought you wanted to kill me.”

“El, I’m serious,” Quentin said. “I’m done with this, all the bullshit we’ve been slinging at each other the past few months. It’s gone on long enough, and I love you too much to lose you to all of that.” Quentin looked at him almost desperately. “I can’t lose you; I won’t make it without you.” Eliot felt pressure on his chest like a panic attack was creeping up. He didn’t understand how Quentin could think that he would leave him, that he didn’t need him just as much.

“Alright,” he said nodding. “Let’s talk this out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos! They keep me going! Let me know what you think!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Work and personal stuff have kept me busy. Thank you for all the comments and kudos and patience!!

Quentin sat with his back to Eliot trying to let the worry he had felt from the night before drain away before he spoke. Quentin had spent most of the day before sleeping off his hangover and feeling horrible for what he had said to Eliot the night before. He hated that part of himself, the one that got mean and lashed out when he was hurt. It was usually Eliot who was at the receiving end of it as well. Quentin hated himself for every word he had said and just wanted Eliot to get home so he could, more clearly, apologize for it all.

As it got later into the night and Eliot still hadn’t come home, Quentin had gotten worried. His brain was so overworked and still feeling some of the effects of his hangover, so for Quentin rational thinking was out the window. He started to imagine horrible things that could have happened to Eliot on his walk home. Though Fillory in this time was much more peaceful than the one Quentin had been used to, it still had it’s dangers and Quentin was sure that Eliot was hurt or worse.

“Okay, Q,” Eliot said, finally breaking the silence. “If you want to yell about last night, now’s the time. Go ahead, get it out of your system.” Eliot was still near the door, pacing in front of it. Even with it magically locked, it looked like Eliot was ready to bolt like he always did if things got too real.

“Eliot,” Quentin said rubbing his eyes.

“But might I remind you,” Eliot interrupted. “That yesterday you said you trusted me. So I really hope that still applies because I swear to you, I didn’t mean to stay the night.”

“Eliot,” Quentin tried again.

“You know when you think about it.” Eliot went on. “It is an hour walk, late at night, and you and Arielle never had to deal with that. You guys saw each other mostly in the day as I remember. But that’s a long walk, and I was so tired-”

“Eliot!” Quentin snapped. “Would you shut up long enough for me to tell you I’m not mad about last night?” Quentin finally looked up at Eliot, he could see the stress all over his face, and that somehow made him feel better.

“You’re not?” Eliot asked.

“Not in the way that you think,” 

“I kinda think you're mad in all the ways,” Eliot said as he leaned back against the wall.

“Yes I’m mad,” Quentin said standing up. “I was worried, I thought something bad happened. When I found out where you really were, I was pissed but it just-” he sighed looked at Eliot desperately. “What is going on El?” Eliot looked away from Quentin.

“I don’t know,” he said quietly. They stood on opposite sides of the cottage but Quentin felt like all of Fillory was between them with how distant they felt.

“Are you and Garrett getting more serious?” Quentin had to ask. He believed him when Eliot said that spending the night had been an accident, but maybe subconsciously he had wanted too.

“We’re not,” Eliot said almost sarcastically. “Trust me; we’re not.” He sat down in a chair and folded his hands into his lap. “And how many times do you have to ask me that?” Quentin didn’t miss the glare in his eyes, the anger building up in him was threatening to beat out the logical side of him that had agreed to talk things out rationally.

“I just want to be ready,” Quentin said, his growing annoyance slipping into his tone. “For when you and Garrett start dating. Maybe ask him to move into our tiny little home. We can always use magic to extend the bed I guess. It would be a great help with Rupert too. What’s better than two dads but three dads right? Think of all the sleep we’ll get then! We could come with a fair system on sex-”

“Okay, that’s enough Q.” Eliot snapped cutting Quentin off before he could continue. Quentin could see Eliot clench his jaw and he averted his eyes a bit. Maybe had gone a little too far, especially mentioning Rupert. “I don’t know how many times I have to say it, but I’m not going to date Garrett. Honestly, I don’t want to see Garrett anymore period.” Quentin blinked at that.

“Why?” he asked, not liking the smug feeling that sprung up inside him.

“It’s not important right now,” Eliot said. “What’s important is that you can’t keep thinking that just because I see a guy a couple of times, I’m going to fall in love and want to get married.” He practically spat out the word _married_ , and Quentin could feel the insult.

“Are you trying to start a fight about my marriage?” Quentin asked. Eliot snorted and stretched his legs out a bit.

“You get so defensive when it comes to your marriage, but you can’t even handle me having sex a few times with someone else.” Eliot shot him a glare. “And you called me a hypocrite.”

“If this is about Arielle-” he started.

“It’s about you, Quentin!” Eliot exclaimed standing up and, stepping forward a few steps. “It’s about how you need so much all the time, but god forgive someone else might need something too.” Quentin crossed his arms across his chest and tried to keep himself from rolling his eyes.

“Right,” Quentin said shrugging his hands up.“I’m a horrible person because I was having a hard time getting used to you seeing someone for more than one quick fuck.” Eliot glared at him and took a few more steps forward.

“No,” he retorted. “It’s not that, it’s that for you to be happy it means you get everything you wan. You get to be Rupert’s _real_ dad, you get your wife, and you get me. Your little lovesick puppy, pining away for your attention, just like how you like it.”

“That’s not fair,” Quentin said moving forward himself.

“Fair?” Eliot laughed. “You want to talk about fair?” Quentin could see where Eliot was going with that before he even said it.

“Oh my god,” Quentin groaned. “I know, you have to live with us and see us be together, I get it, everything sucks so much more for you!” Eliot shook his head.

“Fuck you,” he said. “You know, like it or not Quentin, I wasn’t the one who ran off and fell in love with someone else so stop making me sound so dramatic!”

“Damnit Eliot,” Quentin said raking his hands through his hair. “You told me too! You said to live my life, that's what I'm doing! You pushed me into her arms without even blinking, like you couldn't care less. Get poor whiny Q off your back.”

“Because I was losing you!” Eliot shouted, his voice shook with more emotion than Quentin had been prepared for and Eliot’s words felt like a gust of wind that was ready to blow him off a cliff. Neither spoke for a few moments, both suddenly caught in a game of chicken. Eliot finally broke eye contact and cleared his throat as he took several steps back.

“Eliot,” Quentin whispered, but when Eliot looked back, Quentin didn’t know what to say. It was something they didn’t talk about, but shortly after their two year anniversary at the mosaic, Quentin had a breakdown. The reality of how long this all was going to take seemed to crash down on him all at once, and he couldn’t get out of bed for weeks. It wasn’t the first time this had happened since coming here, but this was the worst. Eliot had to feed him and wash him and basically kept him alive. Everyday Quentin would see the pain in Eliot’s eyes, he could see how he was infecting him, and Quentin began to pull away.

He finally got out of bed, but he couldn't bring himself to work on the puzzle. He felt unworthy of such a task. When they had started the quest, Quentin had felt chosen. A rabbit had appeared out of nowhere, at the exact moment Quentin was feeling like he and Julia would never figure out what was going on. And it was Eliot, sending him to find a book and suddenly he had a purpose, and he had finally found his quest. But Quentin had failed somehow, or if he hadn’t, he was going too. He would never be good enough to figure out the beauty of all life, and now he and Eliot were trapped here.

Eliot still believed in the quest and told Quentin to live his life. It was what the quest was asking for, and they had to keep going. Then Arielle was single, and she made him laugh, and she thought he was funny. The days seemed a little brighter when she would stop by, and they would laugh for hours. And Eliot loved her too, they would go off just the two of them sometimes, and Quentin started to think that maybe life trapped here wasn’t so bad. And when all three of them were together for the first time, a tangle of limbs and kisses trailing everyone, Quentin started to believe in magic again. He saw the way out, and it was all three of them together.

“Look,” Eliot said calmly. “This would normally be the time when I walked out of here but you locked the fucking door, so I’m going to go to Rupert’s room for a little bit.” Eliot quickly brushed past Quentin and went to the small room in the back of the cottage. The room was really a storage space, but they had realized they could fit a bed in there for when Rupert got older. They also knew a soundproofing spell, so they all could have a little more privacy.

“Okay,” Quentin said softly as he took a seat on the armchair that sat next to the fireplace. He did a quick spell, and fire appeared, and Quentin watched the flames and tried not to look at Eliot, who seemed to be waiting for more of a fight at his suggestion.

“Q?” Quentin looked over his shoulder and hated himself for the tears that were in Eliot’s eyes. “It hurts that I wasn’t enough for you then.” Without another word, he went into Rupert’s room. Quentin looked back at the fire and thought back to the night he told Eliot he was in love with Arielle. Eliot’s words that night becoming almost like a prayer that Quentin could think to himself to give him hope that everything would be okay.

_“I know where I am in your heart Quentin Coldwater.”_

********************************************

  
Eliot had always thought that being in a relationship was like a prison sentence. To be tied to one person was so tedious that if he ever found himself in that kind of situation he wanted someone to take him out to pasture and end his suffering. He watched his parents hate each other his whole life and their childish belief in a higher power that seemed to find some sick joy into holding people into marriage contracts with the threat of an eternity in hell if they decided to get a divorce. He had never wanted that for himself.

But then came the mosaic and Quentin. Everything he had thought before all this had altered in ways Eliot couldn’t explain. When Quentin stopped getting out of bed during their first year, Eliot had been the one to get him out of it. Eliot finally understood what loving someone more than himself felt like and he had felt like something close to invincible. It happened again, and Eliot once again guided Quentin out of the darkness of his mind and somehow into the arms of someone else who got parts of Quentin that Eliot never would.

Eliot finally came out of Rupert’s room after about twenty minutes, Quentin was still staring into the fire and could tell Quentin knew he had walked out, but he didn’t move.

“I love Arielle,” Eliot said. “I don’t want you to think that I resent her or anything.” It was important to him Quentin understood this. He realized how his discomfort about their marriage could come off of him disapproving of Arielle and it had never been about that.

“I know,” Quentin said, not quite making eye contact with him.

“I wouldn’t trade what we have, our life with her and Rupert for anything.” Eliot went on coming to sit on the couch that was across from the chair.

“I know, I get it,” Quentin said a little more firmly, looking Eliot in the eye now. “I know how you feel about them.” Quentin turned away from him again, and Eliot just nodded.

“Good,” he watched as Quentin seemed to fight with himself before opening his mouth again.

“It wasn’t that you weren’t enough for me El,” he said looking back at him. “I would never have made it this long without you.” Eliot broke eye contact and looked down at his hands instead. He wondered if this was where Quentin would tell him that was until Arielle came along. Suddenly Quentin’s hands grabbed onto his own. Looking up, Eliot saw that Quentin had moved over and was sitting with him on the couch. “I mean that. I would never have made it to this day, to this moment, if it wasn’t for you. Okay?” Quentin stared hard into him like he was seeing past all of Eliot's insecurities and doubts and burning those words into the truest part of his soul.

“Okay,” Eliot whispered, believing him, he smiled gratefully at him, and Quentin smiled back.

“Arielle,” Quentin pulled back, just a little, and he looked away from Eliot as he tried to think of the words to explain. “She made this whole world real for me if that makes any sense.” he shrugged, and Eliot could practically feel his anxiety, so he squeezed his hand.

“That makes perfect sense,” he told him, and Quentin smiled wider this time. He understood what Quentin was saying. For two years they had floated in this strange haze of will they go home today or won’t they. The two-year mark somehow felt more significant than the first, and they had to start facing the fact that this small plot of land was probably going to be their home for longer than they thought.

They started wearing the clothes, learning more about the land around them and got more involved in the community. Eliot helped with surrounding farms crops, and Quentin had become handy, especially mending small objects. He started to joke that he finally found his discipline. And then there was Arielle, this smart and funny woman who seemed as out of her time as they were. Life became real, and the quest and their friends seemed farther and farther away.

“You never talk about the quest anymore,” Eliot said. “Or our friends for that matter. It’s like everything before here didn’t happen.” Quentin looked surprised and pulled his hand back from Eliot.

“That’s not true,” he said, and Eliot could already see him getting defensive and knew he needed to tread carefully, he didn’t want for them to start yelling again.

“We’re talking about our issues right?” Eliot asked. “It bothers me that you don’t seem as dedicated to the quest as you used too. I don’t even know where the key that brought us here is or the book. I haven’t seen them since Arielle moved in.” Quentin stood up and moved across the room, his body language becoming closed off and he shot a glare Eliot’s way.

“I put them away,” Quentin said tightly. “Were we supposed to have them out on display for forever El?” Eliot stood and crossed the room over to Quentin.

“Hey, Q,” he said calmly, holding up his hands. “I’m not trying to start a fight I promise. I just want to understand.” Quentin nervously tucked his hair behind his ear and then crossed his arms.

“Understand what?” he asked.

“Understand why you’re reacting like this for one thing,” Quentin looked down at himself, and Eliot sighed. “You used to talk and stress out about the quest all the time. I was always the one trying to get you to not focus on it so much.” Quentin looked up sharply.

“Okay,” he said frowning. “So I took your advice? Why is it a problem now?”

“It’s a problem now because look at you,” Eliot said gesturing to Quentin with his hand. “I brought up the quest and you close right up. And you never seem to care how long it takes for us to finish a pattern. You used to get upset if we didn’t finish at least one by nightfall. I don’t think we’ve finished one in a day since Rupert was born.”

“So what?” Quentin exclaimed, he shook his head and walked toward the kitchen, obviously trying to put distance between them.

“This is the problem,” Eliot said following him. “Something is up and instead of telling me you’ve shoved it so far down in yourself until it’s practically killing you.” Eliot put himself right in front of Quentin, blocking him, so he was forced to stay put.

“What do you know,” Quentin mumbled turning away from him, but Eliot grabbed his chin. Turning his head, he waited for Quentin’s eyes to focus on him.

“I know you Q,” Eliot said. “I know that you still think about the quest, probably still more than me. I’m assuming that what you’re dreams have been about?” Quentin didn’t move at first, but then blinked slowly and nodded. “Thought so.” He let go of Quentin’s chin, and Quentin looked away.

“If you knew,” he said softly. “Why didn’t you say?”

“Because I wanted you to tell me,” Eliot said with an exasperated sigh. “Damnit Quentin, is it that hard to understand?” Quentin eyed him wearily and shrugged. “I thought that I was someone you could come to with this kind of stuff. I thought you trusted me.”

“I do,” Quentin quickly interjected, and Eliot nodded.

“Okay,” he reached out and put his hand on Quentin’s arm hoping to calm him. “Why haven’t you told me when I ask?” Quentin brought his hands to his face and stepped away from Eliot. For a second, Eliot was sure Quentin was going to refuse to answer, but then he dropped his hands, letting them fall to his side.

“I was afraid you would agree with them,” he said almost simply.

“Agree with who?” Eliot asked. Quentin shook his head and started pacing.

“The dreams are always kind of the same,” Quentin started. “I’m working on the mosaic, and I’m so close like I practically see it.” he smiled at Eliot, a sad smile reflecting those complicated emotions they both had about actually finishing this thing. “But then, someone always comes. Usually, it’s Julia or Alice, but everyone has popped up, even Todd.” He shrugged a little, a tear falling from his eye.

“They all tell me the same thing,” he went on. “That we’ve taken too long and magic is gone forever, and because of Arielle and Rupert we’re trapped here. I try to find you but I never can, or when I think I see you, I can’t _see_ you, and I wake up, and for a few seconds, I believe it. We failed, and our friends are gone, and I’ve trapped you here because I fell in love with a local and accidentally laid down roots.” Eliot smiled sadly as Quentin leaned against a counter watching like he expected him to react a certain way.

“Q, you didn't trap us here,” Eliot said. “The quest did. We’re still here because we’re not done yet. Not because you had a kid.” Quentin looked down at the ground and kicked his foot nervously.

“Okay,” he murmured. Eliot moved over to stand in front of him. Quentin frowned at him, and Eliot shook his head.

“No, not okay,” he said firmly and then took Quentin’s face into his hands. “This is not your fault, and I need you to understand that, completely, not just okay.” Quentin slowly nodded, his eyes shining now with tears.

“Okay,” he whispered. Eliot barely resisted rolling his eyes and brought his face closer to Quentin’s.

“Say you understand,” he instructed, and Quentin took a breath.

“I understand.” he finally said. Eliot smiled and then ran his thumb under Quentin’s eyes, catching the lone tear that had fallen.

“Better,” he said and then stepped back, letting his hands drop from Quentin’s face and giving him more space. “Q, those dreams sound pretty reasonable considering everything that’s happened. Rupert changed everything, and we haven’t really acknowledged that.” Even though Quentin was clutching the edge of the counter so hard that his knuckles were white, he seemed to have calmed slightly.

“You know I never meant to make you not feel like a father.” Eliot was caught off guard by that, but he was also glad that Quentin had said it aloud. “And I didn’t push you to be his dad so you would stay, well not totally.” Eliot smiled at that and he could see  Quentin relax.

“Knew that was part of the reason,” Eliot said, and Quentin rolled his eyes, finally moving away from the counter.

“I just-” he stopped and looked almost desperate for a moment. “I just can’t stop feeling guilty Eliot. This poor kid, he didn’t ask for any of our magic and gods and quests, but he’ll be affected by it. We’re going to finish this thing someday and what will happen to him?” Eliot swallowed thickly. It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought about what would happen when they finished, but he hadn’t thought about all the bad they left behind coming near their son.

“Q,” he croaked. “He’ll be with us; we can protect him.” He didn’t believe his own words, but he knew it was what you should say given the situation.

“What if we can’t?” Quentin asked. “What if we go back and they don’t? What if one day we just disappear and Rupert grows up thinking his dads walked out on him and didn’t care.”

“They’ll come with us,” Eliot tried insisting.

“How do we know that?” Quentin asked and then walked swiftly out of the kitchen. He shook his hands a few times, a nervous habit he’d picked learning magic. “The key only let you and me come here. Who’s to say it only let the two of us back? And what if we finish when they’re not here, like right now.” He moved over to the window and pointed at the almost finished pattern of the moon they’d hadn’t touched in over a day. “They’re not here, and this could be it Eliot, and we’d be gone, and they would never know.”

“Well, we can figure something out,” Eliot said, walking numbly out of the kitchen.

“I’m responsible for him,” Quentin said. “I know you are too, I’m not trying to say you’re not or you’re the cool uncle. What I mean is, I’m the one that got her pregnant, not you. It feels kind of like my fault.” Eliot leaned back on the wall. He hadn’t know Quentin felt that way and it broke his heart to see the shame on Quentin's face.

“You never told me you felt like that,” he said quietly. Quentin shrugged and looked away from him.

“I thought it was obvious,” he said with a bitter laugh. “Not to mention that I probably passed my crazy genes onto him and he’ll deal with the same bullshit depression I do. I’ve fucked this kid up pretty bad when you think-”

“Hey, hey, hey” Eliot rushed forward and pulled Quentin into his arms, not wanting to continue any further down that path. “Don’t say that you are an amazing father.” Quentin’s arms went around and clung tightly to Eliot. “And if he has your crazy genes, you are the best person who could help him deal with his mind.” Eliot pulled back enough for him to look into Quentin’s eyes. “He’s going to be fine because he has you not in spite of you.” Quentin smiled tearfully at him and shook his head. “Besides, he’s five months, we haven’t had enough time to do permanent damage.” Quentin laughed, tears spilling down his face now.

“Jesus El,” he said and then laid his face against Eliot’s chest with something between a laugh and a sob. Eliot just stroked his hair until Quentin pulled back to look up at him. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t mean to push you away or make you feel like you weren’t as important.”

“I know,” Eliot said. “I haven’t necessarily made it easy. I accuse you of being jealous, but I’ve been jealous since you got married.” Eliot hated admitting it, but it was true, and it was time for him to admit it. “It feels like you picked her, and everyone around us acts like that’s what happened and I’m just the weird friend living in our tiny home. And now with Rupert, they’re really confused.” Quentin nodded, pulling back, so they were facing each other better, but still close.

“Arielle and I we try to explain-”

“But it’s nobody’s business,” Eliot quickly finished. Quentin and Arielle would always insist that Eliot was part of the family, but it never seemed to stick with anyone completely. Eliot found himself longing for their own time in Fillory. Even though things were beyond fucked, three-person marriages were something so ordinary it was borning.

“I didn’t pick her El,” Quentin said. “She wouldn’t have wanted me to anyway.”

“Yeah, I know,” Eliot said. “Just kinda feels that way.” Quentin smiled and moved closer to Eliot and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“I love you both,” Quentin said. “But, if I lost you-” Quentin stopped as emotions neither knew how to vocalize played across his face. Eliot brushed some of Quentin’s hair out of his face, and a small smile played on Quentin’s lips. “If there is a competition, you win.” Eliot felt a weight lift off of him and for the first time in months, he felt like he could breathe again.

Pulling Quentin closer, he kissed him and it finally felt like them again. The jolt that went through him every time he kissed Quentin was back. It had been there since the first time they kissed. He didn’t remember much from that night with the emotion bottles, but Quentin watching him and Margo, a look on his face that Eliot had never seen was burned into his memory. Quentin had suddenly appeared behind Margo, waiting not so patiently for his turn. Then Margo was gone and Quentin was bearing down on him, kissing him desperately, like he had been waiting for too long for this to finally happen. It was like somewhere inside them knew this was inevitable. Maybe it was the 39 other time loops, or maybe it was some kind of fucked up destiny, but being with Quentin always felt more real than anything Eliot had ever felt.

They didn’t speak but moved in unison to the bed as they pulled each other’s clothes off in a well-practiced way. Eliot forgot instantly why he thought Garrett had been any good, the feel of Quentin’s hand on his quickly hardening dick was better than anything Garrett had been able to do. Eliot laughed dropping his head onto Quentin’s shoulder. Quentin looked at him, and a feeling of pure joy passed between them that they let take over and wash the past few months away and leave them safe in each other's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to update soon, there is still more to come but the end is coming near. Thank you again to everyone who has commented and left kudos and who have been so encouraging! I appreciate it more than I can express! Let me know what you think!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long one! I had to split it into two chapters because there is just so much these boys need to work through. I'm sorry it's taken a while but I hope the payoff is worth it! The next chapter is halfway written so I am hoping it will be up soon, but who knows! 
> 
> Big, BIG thank you to cldfiredrgn for your help in this chapter. I had a road map of what was needed and no idea how to read it. Your help got me back on track and I so appreciate you taking the time to deal with my anxiety. Thank you!!

They spent the rest of the day in bed. It reminded Quentin of the first few weeks after they started sleeping together. They could barely keep their hands off each other and had an insatiable appetite for more. The desperate need to get closer, to almost inhabit each others bodies was something they only ever experienced with each other. Quentin couldn’t believe they hadn’t been together for months. Just like years ago, he wondered why they hadn’t been doing this a lot sooner.

They only stopped to eat and talking about their issues were momentarily put on the back burner as the need to reconnect in this way overtook everything else. Soon, exhaustion hit them and they fell asleep tangled in each other's arms.

Quentin woke up to see the sun had long since fallen and moonlight was pouring over them. Lifting his head from Eliot’s chest, he looked up at the older man and smiled seeing how peaceful he looked. He pushed himself up so he could lay next to him, letting his face drop inches away from Eliot. There was still so much they needed to say to each other so much that still need to be fixed. The sex had been fantastic but they couldn’t pretend that it was enough to solve their problems.

Eliot made a soft noise that Quentin knew was a signal he was about to wake up, so he pulled back a little hoping not to surprise him. Smiling when Eliot’s eyes opened and met his, Eliot smiled back and leaned over to kiss him.

“We fell asleep,” he said, his voice still rough from sleep. Quentin nodded and wrapped his arms around Eliot’s waist, pulling their bodies closer.

“We did,” he said. “I think I passed out after that last orgasm.” Eliot chuckled and let his fingers thread through Quentin’s hair.

“Did you sleep alright?” Quentin tilted his head up to look at Eliot.

“I actually did,” he said and Eliot smiled knowingly at him. “I know that face.”

“The face that is saying you should have told me what was going on in your head weeks ago when I asked is that the face you mean?” Quentin nodded with a snort. “Wisdom and beauty Coldwater thought you would have picked up on that by now.” Quentin rolled his eyes and sat up a little more, Eliot’s hand falling from his hair and now trailing down his arm. Quentin could have lain there forever with Eliot, but his legs were feeling stiff and his mind foggy.

“I think I’m going to make some tea,” Quentin said pushing the blankets away.

“Good idea,” Eliot said. “While you do that, I’m taking a bath.” he got up and Quentin smirked as he watched Eliot walk across their home to the bathroom naked. Quentin grabbed a robe for himself and went over to the stove. It was a particularly floral robe, but it was Arielle’s and it smelled like her. Quentin found it eased the ache of missing her so much.

As he prepared the water for his tea, he heard Eliot start to fill the tub. Plumbing was really a joke here, but thanks to magic they were able to make due. Eliot had picked up the best ways to deal with Fillory’s questionable plumbing during all the time he’d been High King and Quentin was forever grateful for that. If there was one thing he missed most about his own time, showers were a close contender.

It was hard to believe it had already been four years since they had stepped through that clock and ended up in the past. It was closer to five really; they were four months away from another anniversary. It was strange that when they first arrived, every hour and minute felt like it was precious time that was wasting away. It felt agonizing almost to wake up in the morning and realize they were still here and only one pattern closer to being home.

But life here was slower and more simple than either of them were used too. They found it easy ignore the length of time it was taking and almost relax for a change. For the first time since Quentin was frozen in class and saw a moth, they didn’t have some danger at their backs. They had been transported to this small patch of land and given just one task to do everyday. After a while it had started to feel like they were in one of those snow globes his mother used to collect. Safe and secluded and never changing.

Then things started to change inside their private bubble. First their relationship changed and although Quentin always felt that was a long time coming, they still had to adjust the shift in their world. Before long they settled into what was their new normal and things went on. Just when Quentin thought he would drown in the isolated monotony of their life, Arielle came and shattered the barrier around them, exposing them to the world again and shook Quentin to his core. He was in love and before the feelings of that were worked out, Rupert came and everything changed. They couldn't deny that things had changed anymore. Like the rhythmic ticking of the watch’s clockwork, Rupert was the proof of passing time that they could no longer ignore.

The whistling of the teapot shook Quentin out of his thoughts and he poured himself a cup of tea. Glancing at the bathroom door, he could hear Eliot singing quietly to himself as he settled into the tub. Smiling, Quentin poured him a cup as well and then went into the bathroom.

It was pretty plain bathroom. Same wood floors and wood walls as the rest of the cottage with one small window to let light in. Eliot had lit the candle hanging from the ceiling so the whole room was bathed in it’s warm glow. Eliot was stretched out in the clawfoot tub in the middle of the room. It was smaller when they got there so Eliot quickly used an enchantment to lengthen the tub so he would be able to fix in it more comfortably. It wasn’t until much later Quentin learned Eliot had also lengthened it to easily fit them both.

“I was hoping you’d join me,” Eliot smiled as Quentin walked in the door.

“I brought you tea,” Quentin said holding up both mugs. Eliot smiled wider as Quentin walked across the room to hand Eliot one of the cups.

“Thank you,” Eliot said taking a sip as Quentin undid the belt on his robe and let it fall to the ground. “That’s better!” Eliot chirped and Quentin shook his head as he stepped into the tub. The water was comfortably hot and Eliot must have added the bath salts he got in Brass City because the water smelled like eucalyptus. Quentin sat across from Eliot situating his legs around his, which got a soft smile from the other man.

“I can’t remember the last time we were in here together,” Eliot said, holding his mug close to his face with both hands.

“Right after we found out Arielle was pregnant,” Quentin reminded him and he took a drink of his tea. “When her emotions got all crazy and she wanted us out of her sight for an hour.” A week or two after a rabbit announced Arielle pregnant, she had been exhausted and everything was making her sick. Quentin had been following her around and asking if she needed anything all morning. Eliot was flipping between moping and then offering Arielle different spells he knew that could make her feel better.

“Oh yeah!” Eliot laughed, his head tipping backwards. “She got so pissed at us.” She had finally railed on them. That fiery nature she usually kept hidden came bursting out and she demanded she'd be left alone. When he and Eliot tried to go outside, she yelled how she could still see them. They ended up in the bathroom, sitting across from each other in the tub, knees drawn to their chests as they contemplated the next nine months.

“I love it when Arielle gets angry,” Eliot said wistfully. “She reminds me of Margo.” The smile disappeared from his face and Eliot shot Quentin a nervous glance. Quentin could tell he didn’t mean to mention Margo, but he also saw the happiness in his eyes when he thought of her.

“Me too,” Quentin said. Eliot smiled at him, almost shyly and turned his attention back to his tea in his hands.“Do you ever stop and think how weird being here is?” Quentin asked. He worried that his question had come entirely out of the blue, but if Eliot thought that he didn’t show it. Eliot only snorted and took a sip of his tea.

“We traveled to the past through a magical clock with a magical key while magic was shut off,” he said with a playful smile. “A lot of things in that sentence are pretty weird. You’re going to have to be a little more specific.” Eliot reached down and set his tea on the ground, his eyes staying on Quentin the whole time.

“I don’t know,” Quentin said with a sigh, tilting his head back, the ends of his shoulder-length hair dipped into the water. “Our last anniversary I realized something and it kind of freaked me out.”

“What did you realize?” Eliot asked.

“That we’ve been here longer than either of us were at Brakebills,” Quentin said looking back at Eliot, who seemed to think this over for a moment. “I know the timeline is different for you because of all the time you spent in Fillory,” Quentin said setting his tea down. “But, for me from the first day I took my entrance exam to the moment we walked through that clock, I’ve been here longer than that.” Eliot gazed thoughtfully at him for a moment before he reached back for his tea.

“I didn’t know that bothered you,” he said taking a sip.

“It’s doesn’t _bother_ me,” Quentin said tapping his fingers nervously in the water.

“You said it freaked you out.” Eliot reminded him with a gentle smile.

“Okay, maybe it does bother me,” Quentin said a little sheepishly. “I don’t know why it does though.” He felt Eliot nudge him gently on the side. When Quentin looked back at him, Eliot had this calm smile on his face. The kind that radiated out of him and somehow could travel to Quentin and calm his nerves.

“Come on Q,” Eliot said. “If it’s been bouncing around your head for almost a year then you have thought about it too much to not have insight into why you’re bothered by it.” Quentin couldn’t help but smile. It still surprised him how well Eliot knew him. How he understood him in a way that no one, not even Julia, ever had. “You just don’t like the answer so you buried it and refused to even tell me until it’s manifested to nightmares. So just tell me what you’re feeling and we’ll figure it out.” Eliot made it sound so simple, and maybe it was but to Quentin, everything felt so complicated. He looked down at his distorted reflection in the water, unnerved at the way he felt like he was finally seeing himself as fractured as he had become.

“You wanted to know where the key and the book went?” He looked at Eliot nervously. “And why I don’t like talking about the quest or our friends anymore?”

“I did,” Eliot said with a nod, encouraging him to go on. Quentin sighed suddenly wishing he had found that half bottle of tree whiskey instead of the tea he had made.

“I don’t think that’s it just that I’m scared we’re stuck here.” He thought back to the desperation he felt in his dreams. The accusations his friends would throw at him filled him with the fear that he had messed up and had let everyone down. But then he would wake up terrified and only once it would register in his mind that he was here in the same place he was supposed to be trapped in, that he would be calm. He was safe and he was _home_. “I think I’m more scared that we’re going to have to leave someday.”

“Q,” Eliot said, but Quentin shook his head, pushing on so he could get it all out.

“You know I’ve known Arielle longer than Alice now,” Quentin said, his eyes traveling back to meet Eliot’s. “I love her more than I loved Alice. I understand what love can be more than I ever could have with her.” he smiled sadly and shook his head, thinking of the selfish ways he and Alice had thought love worked. “And when I think of home, I don’t think of Brooklyn or Brakebills, I think of here. I think of Arielle and Rupert.” Quentin reached out and took Eliot’s hand. “I think of you.” Eliot smiled. “I can’t imagine leaving this place so I put the key and the book in the back of the closet because it just got too hard. I can’t talk about our friends because I just feel-”

“Guilty?” Eliot asked and Quentin closed his eyes and nodded.

“I’m the reason magic got shut off and it’s like I found some loophole not to have to clean up my mess.” Eliot sighed as he moved forward, his hand coming to Quentin’s cheek. “I can’t look at the key or think about finishing the quest and not feel like I’m betraying everything we’ve built for us here.”

“Oh Q,” Eliot murmured, his hand brushing along Quentin’s cheek and moving to the back of his neck to give it a gentle squeeze. Droplets of warm water trailed down Quentin’s neck sending a chill down his spine. He leaned forward to get closer to Eliot and to the comfort he provided. “Someday I hope that you will stop blaming yourself for everything that’s ever gone wrong because all of this wasn’t just your fault.” He had said similar things to Quentin before and it always comforted him that Eliot didn’t place any blame on him, but it never seemed to be enough to wipe the fear from his mind completely.

“El,” Quentin said desperately. “How am I supposed to finish a quest when I don't think I want to.” Quentin was pulled into Eliot’s arms even before he finished his sentence. The water sloshed around them, some of it falling over the sides, pooling on the floor as they became tangled around each other in the middle of the tub. Eliot’s hands went into Quentin’s hair and his scratchy cheek resting against Quentin’s.

“I don’t have the answer to that Q,” Eliot told him honestly as he pulled back, one hand gripping the back of Quentin’s head. “I don’t think there are answers to questions like that.” Quentin covered his face with his hands, the warmth from the water almost feeling like a relief as a strangled cry slipped out of him. Eliot practically cradled him against his chest and Quentin curled into him, letting go of what he’d been holding onto for longer than he realized.

“I’m sorry El,” he said against his chest. “I know you miss Margo and you want other people in your life-” Eliot started to pull back, watching Quentin with a concerned expression. “When you started seeing Garrett it felt like I had let you down too and I was losing you. I couldn’t handle it, and I was selfish and I don’t even know how you can put up with me-”

“You are not going to lose me Q,” Eliot swiftly silenced him. Placing his hands on Quentin’s face, he looked directly into his eyes. “You’re never going to lose me, I’m here with you, always.” Quentin placed his hands on top of Eliot’s and closed his eyes. Eliot had been telling him that for months and it was like his words had been blocked by everything Quentin was holding inside. Now, with everything out in the open and it felt like he was hearing it for the first time.

“I know,” he whispered. He didn’t even need to think about it, he believed him. “I’m sorry I didn’t before.” Eliot smiled now and kissed him. Quentin wanted to drown in the feeling of that kiss and let it wash away the rest of his guilt.

“It’s okay,” Eliot assured him when he pulled away. “And you really don’t have to worry about Garrett anymore.” Eliot had said something like that before but he hadn’t explained, so Quentin frowned and pulled back.

“What happened?” he asked, hoping he hadn’t ruined something for Eliot, even if there was a small part of him rejoicing at the thought that Garrett was out of the picture. Eliot shrugged as he leaned back to where he had been. Eliot reached down for his tea and Quentin did the same. The hot drink relaxed his pounding heart and he wrapped his ankle more securely around Eliot’s leg.

“Nothing good,” he said with a shrug. “He had the wrong idea about what was happening between us.” Quentin sat up a little straighter and tried to keep the smugness he felt from reaching to his face. He had never liked Garrett and now he felt a little vindicated.

“Oh, that’s-uh, sorry I guess.” he stumbled out his words and took a gulp of his tea to try to cover a smile that was threatening to break out on his face. He couldn’t fool Eliot though. Eliot rolled his eyes, and to Quentin’s surprise, laughed as he set his tea back down.

“It’s okay,” he said. “You don’t have to pretend to be sad for me. I know how you felt about him.” Quentin sighed as he set his tea down as well, then leaned forward a bit with a more serious look.

“I didn’t give him a chance,” Quentin admitted.

“It’s good that you didn’t,” Eliot pointed out, looking a little more glum about the situation. Quentin could tell whatever had happened had hurt Eliot and that only made him hate Garrett more.

“Listen,” Quentin said leaning forward. “I have no right to stop you from doing whatever you want with someone, I don’t own you and if you met someone else then-” He stopped, the feeling of jealousy was still there when thought about Eliot with someone else. Groaning a bit, he rubbed his eyes as if that could clear the jealousy away. “I’ll get used to it.” When he looked back at him, Eliot was smiling.

“You get that I’m not actively looking for someone right?” he asked and Quentin let his hands fall back down and he nodded.

“Just saying, if you do then I’ll-”

“Tell me how you’re really feeling and we can work out a way we can all be happy,” Eliot finished for him. Leaning forward, Eliot gently grabbed his chin, his go-to move when he wanted Quentin to listen. “No more keeping things to yourself and letting it seep out as anger instead. We talk to each. That’s how this works.” Eliot leaned in and gave him a quick kiss before he settled back against the other side of the tub. Quentin watched him and feeling a little unsure, reached for his tea.

“Do you think we can do that?” he asked taking a sip. Eliot tilted his head and squinted his eyes at Quentin for a moment, then he smiled.

“Come here,” he opened his arms up in an invitation that Quentin eagerly accepted. After setting his tea down, he moved over to Eliot and settled comfortably against him, laying his back against Eliot’s chest. Eliot wrapped his arms around Quentin and intertwined their fingers as he put his cheek against Quentin’s head.

“You do know you aren’t the only one who doesn’t want this quest to be over right?” Quentin tilted his head up to look at Eliot.

“Really?” he asked.

“Of course,” Eliot said and Quentin sat back against the side of the tub so he could look directly at Eliot, but kept their hands locked together. “I don’t really like to say it much, but not having to be High King feels _really_ good. Like really good.” Quentin snorted and Eliot smiled, though the smile slowly turned sad. “For once the fate of all of Fillory isn’t on my shoulders. It’s that poor bastard Harry’s turn.”

“Henry,” Quentin corrected him and Eliot just shrugged.

“Whatever,” he said. “This world is his problem now. Though, it doesn’t seem to be much of a problem does it?” Eliot looked away from Quentin now, the familiar shade of discontent settling over his features like a shadow.

“Okay,” Quentin said. “Want to elaborate on that?” Eliot sighed and his fingers twitched in that way Quentin knew it meant he wanted a cigarette.

“Everything seems just fine here.” Eliot finally said. “I’ve never heard anyone say anything against High King Henry before so maybe being away from there isn’t all that bad.” Quentin frowned, he hated hearing Eliot doubt himself.

“El, you had to deal with Fillory post-Beast.” Quentin reminded him. “Plus all the shit going on with Ember and-”

“Q it’s okay,” Eliot stopped him. “I get it; I was like Obama when he got the big old mess from Bush. The point is, I feel so fucking relieved not to have to be King anymore. Even if it means I’ve left everything on Margo’s shoulders.” Quentin bit his lip and nodded. There was that.

“The thing is, there wasn’t a lot back there that was going exceptionally great for me.” Quentin leaned back onto Eliot, wrapping himself around him to remind him that to Quentin he was more than exceptional. “Here, everything just fits you know?” Eliot smiled, the shadow of the past lifted from him and he ran his fingers through Quentin’s hair. “I have one thing that’s expected of me and that’s to make a pattern with tiles. I can do that.” Quentin nodded and smiled at Eliot.

“You figured out the best method to it too,” Quentin pointed out. It took them a few weeks to figure out the best method of how to complete each pattern on the mosaic, but it was Eliot who got them to stay focused and make a plan.

“That I did,” Eliot said nodding. “We have a family here Q, it’s new still and I’m terrified but it’s something I never thought I could have and if we go back there and lose them-” Quentin shook his head and kissed him.

“We’re not losing them remember,” Quentin said when pulled back. “You told me so; we’ll figure it out. They’re coming with us El; we’re always going to be together.” Eliot gave him a fond smile and tucked some of Quentin’s hair behind his ear.

“Optimism is very adorable on you Quentin,” he said. “But it’s a little scary honestly.” Eliot laughed as Quentin smirked and playfully pushed Eliot away before grabbing him back and getting under Eliot’s chin. “I just want you to know that I think of home as here too,” Eliot said gently into his hair. Quentin smiled and looked up at him.

“So how long do you think it will take?” he asked.

“You know how I feel about time.” Eliot sighed.

“It’s just an illusion,” Quentin said. Eliot had a look on his face that reminded Quentin of the first time he saw him. An almost unearthly kind of beauty as he lay stretched across the wall. The way he eyed Quentin up and down, measuring him up before he would even speak to him. Quentin felt silly, but his first thought when he saw Eliot was that he had traveled to Fillory and the questing beasts were not what he had thought they would be.

“Your tea has been lovely Q,” Eliot said nuzzling him close. “But I think we are going to need something a little stronger.” They both laughed, but neither got out until after the water had turned cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Life was throwing a lot at me there for a minute, some good some bad, but it's all good now! There are only two more chapters to go and I am so excited! Thanks to everyone who has commented, left kudos and have offered amazing support. I hope you enjoy the chapter and the rest of this story that I have fallen so in love with.

After the bath, Eliot and Quentin went straight back to bed taking the bottle of tree whiskey with them. After having sex again, Eliot lay on his back, resting his head on Quentin’s lap as he stared out at the two moons hanging in the sky in the clearing their window pointed out at. Quentin was sitting up in bed, reading a book by candlelight. The door was still locked, and neither had figured out when this lockdown would be over.

“You know, on some nights, I really miss the view from my room at Castle Whitespire,” Eliot said breaking the comfortable silence. “It had two story windows that looked out on the waterfalls. The view it gave of the moons was amazing.” he sighed and heard Quentin shut his book above him and felt Quentin’s fingers start moving through his hair.

“I know,” he said. “I remember, the sun rise was even better.” Eliot looked up at him surprised. He didn’t remember a time when Quentin had been in his room early enough to see the sun rise.

“When were you watching the sunrise from my room and why wasn’t I invited?” Eliot asked sitting up on his elbows. 

“You were there!” Quentin exclaimed with a laugh. “Do you remember anything?” Eliot stuck his tongue out playfully and poked Quentin in his side as he moved to rest against the pillows.

“When?” he asked. Quentin rolled his eyes and brushed some hair off of Eliot’s face.

“It was right after Alice-” Quentin paused, looking slightly uncomfortable for a moment. “Uh, there was some big storm and you made me stay in your room with you because Fen was visiting her family and Margo was being a bitch or something.” Eliot thought back.

“Oh that,” he said as he smiled. “I told you I was scared and needed you with me.” Quentin grinned and leaned on Eliot. 

“Yeah, and then you wouldn’t let me sleep.” Quentin reminded him. “You wanted to play stupid sleepover games all night.” Eliot put his hand to his chest in mock hurt.

“Those games are classic,” he said in defense. 

“Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board doesn’t work with two people.”

“It would if your story had actually been scary.”

“And Truth or Dare isn’t fun when you just keep daring me to take my clothes off.”

“You kept picking dare!”

“You’re impossible,” Quentin said, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “At least the sunrise was nice.” Eliot nodded proudly.

“And who would have missed it if they had fallen asleep like a boring old man?” Eliot asked. Quentin frowned at him.

“You’re older than me.” he said. 

“Only when you count by years.” Quentin shook his head.

“I’ll give you that.” he conceded with a chuckle.

“You know I wasn’t really scared that night,” Eliot said. “I used the storm and Fen's absence as an excuse.” Quentin snorted.

“An excuse to get me in your bed?” he asked.

“No,” Eliot said. “I was worried about you.” That seemed to catch Quentin off guard. The humor dropped from his face and replaced with surprise.

“Really?” he asked and Eliot shrugged.

“It was right after everything happened with Alice,” he explained. “You were really depressed and I thought that if you thought you were helping me, then you would forget about feeling bad about Alice for a few hours. I don’t know,” Eliot shrugged. “I thought I was taking care of you.” Saying all that out loud it sounded kind of silly now, and Eliot looked away from Quentin and out the window again.

“Thank you,” Quentin’s voice was soft and Eliot didn’t look at him but he smiled. Moving, he laid back against Quentin’s chest and Quentin wrapped an arm around him to pull him closer. They were both quiet again. Eliot closed his eyes, the feeling of Quentin’s steady breathing almost lulling him to sleep again. “Eliot, can we talk about something?” Eliot smirked up at Quentin.

“Isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing?” Quentin smiled but Eliot could see the more serious look in his eyes. 

“It’s about Rupert,” Quentin said. Eliot sighed, he knew they were going to have to have this talk. He shouldn’t be surprised because it was him that had made this an issue. 

“I guess we have to talk about it,” he said sitting up and resting his shoulder against Quentin’s who was watching him with a hint of worry in his eyes. 

“I’ll be honest,” Quentin started. “I don’t know where exactly I went wrong, but I know that if you feel like I’m pushing you away from him or something, then it’s valid and I need to stop and try to see what I’ve been doing.” Eliot couldn’t help but smile a little. Quentin’s sweet acknowledgment of his feelings made him happier than he thought it would. 

“But, you also have to help me out.” Quentin went on. “Because I’ve been the one who has been insisting that you’re also Rupert’s dad and it seems like you just push back every time. I didn’t know that me changing his diaper would make you feel like I didn’t think you were his dad. I don’t really know what the problem is so if you could just tell me then I can fix it.” Eliot frowned, Quentin’s rambling meant he really felt sorry about what had happened and in turn that made Eliot feel worse for it. 

“You’re right,” he said slipping his arm around Quentin’s shoulders. 

“I know I am,” Quentin said quietly as he pressed himself closer to Eliot. “So, talk.” Eliot sighed and let his head drop down and he stared up at the ceiling. All his reasons for being in this tug of war with fatherhood bounced around his head and it always came back to one thing, his father. He hated that his father was still able to make his life miserable across literal time and space. Dropping his head back down; he looked at Quentin’s patient face and decided that his dad would only win if he let him ruin what he could have and he was done allowing his dad destroy anything else in his life. If there was anyone who would understand him, it would be Quentin.

“You know, my dad, was never really-” Eliot started. Quentin was well aware of everything his father had done to him over his childhood and he gave Eliot a quick nod, giving him a pass at having to say more on that. “Well, when he never did any of the little stuff. He never put us to bed and read a story. He never gave us our baths or made our dinner. He wouldn’t even talk to us on the rare occasion he ate with us.” Quentin slid his arm through Eliot’s, offering a physical link that anchored Eliot enough to keep going.

“I always kind of thought that if by some strange twist of fate I ended up with a kid,” Eliot almost wanted to laugh. The strange twist of fate that made him a father was magical time travel. He would never have thought it would have been that. “If I didn’t do those little things then I was just like him.” The surprise on Quentin’s face was almost comforting.

“El,” Quentin said moving out from under Eliot’s arm. 

“I know I’ve probably been giving mixed messages,” Eliot quickly said before Quentin could try to comfort him. “I want to be Rupert’s father, I feel like I’m his father, but I have this fear that my father is in me, lurking around somewhere and someday I might-” Eliot was cut off by Quentin climbing into Eliot’s lap. Facing him; he grabbed Eliot’s face in his hands and kissed him fiercely. Eliot was caught off guard for a moment, but recovered quickly and kissed him back. For a few seconds, the only thing Eliot focused on was the feel of Quentin’s tongue against his own and Quentin’s fingers curling into his hair. When Quentin pulled back, he kept a hold on Eliot’s face and tears had filled his eyes.

“You are not your father, Eliot,” Quentin said firmly, staring deep into Eliot’s eyes. “You are good and strong and the most amazing father I have ever seen. The only thing he did right was provide the sperm that allowed you to be born, other than that there is no trace of that man inside you.” Eliot smiled, Quentin’s sweet belief in him always made Eliot feel like he could do anything, like being a dad, finish a puzzle or be the High King of Fillory. He took Quentin’s chin between his fingers and ran his thumb along Quentin’s lower lip

“Thank you,” Eliot said and placed a soft kiss on Quentin’s lips. “But you can’t know that for certain, you never met the man.” Quentin pulled away and frowned.

“Okay, so I didn’t meet him,” Quentin said with a shrug. “But I know you; I know the man and father you are. I mean, why do you think I wanted you to be Rupert’s dad in the first place?” 

“You didn’t want me to leave?” Eliot said. “Maybe didn’t want me to feel left out?” Quentin had basically confessed to this, so Eliot didn’t really need to hear it again that he was a father out of pity.

“I told you, that was only a small part.” Quentin said and Eliot shrugged. “It was because I knew that you could do it a hell of a lot better than me. You have this amazing ability to be calm and patient in ways I'm terrible at.” Eliot squinted at him skeptically.

“I think I just know how to medicate.” he pointed out. 

“Eliot come on,” Quentin said with a frustrated sigh. “I’m the one who recently used the strongest drink in Fillory to deal with my complicated emotions. You are not that guy anymore who turns to drugs and booze to pretend that life doesn’t throw you more shit than gold.”

“Cute,” Eliot said and Quentin rolled his eyes.

“You get it El,” Quentin went on. “LIfe is hard but there is a way to enjoy the parts of it that don’t actually suck. And Rupert?” Quentin breath hitched and ran his hand across his eyes. “Rupert loves you so much, Eliot. He looks at you like you are the best thing he discovered since being born.” Eliot smiled, tears pricked at his eyes and he swallowed hard to try to regain control of his emotions.

“And you’re so good with him,” Quentin said taking hold of Eliot’s hands. “You’re so gentle and loving with him it makes me so happy that our son has you for his dad. I will never stop being sorry that I made you doubt your abilities as a father for even a second. I’m really sorry El,” Warmth spread through Eliot that almost left him feeling high like no drug had ever made him feel. He pulled Quentin to him and closed his eyes tightly. Breathing Quentin in, he could feel his doubts fading by Quentin’s apology. 

“Thank you,” Eliot said as pulled back. He brought his hand up to Quentin’s face and ran his thumb along his cheekbone. “You might have to tell me that from time to time. You aren’t the only one who needs to be talked off the ledge okay?” Quentin nodded and kissed him.

“I can do that,” he said. “You tell me though if it gets bad. We tell each other things, right?” Eliot smiled.

“Right,” Eliot said against Quentin’s lips before kissing him again. Quentin kissed back, his hands coming up to Eliot’s face and he moved himself even more into Eliot’s lap. Eliot was suddenly aware that they were both naked when he felt their hardening cocks brush against each other. His hand trailed down Quentin’s chest so he could get them both into his palm when Quentin pulled back.

“Wait,” he said breathlessly. Eliot dropped his head back with a frustrated groan.

“Really?” he asked. Quentin tilted his face back up and kissed him again.

“I’m sorry,” he said pulling back. “There’s something that’s been bugging me.” Eliot sighed as he dropped his forehead against Quentin's cheek and nodded. 

“What is it?” Eliot asked pulling back. Quentin looked sorry and gave him one more kiss before he moved off Eliot’s lap.

“If we’re telling each other things and all that,” Quentin said pushing his hair back. “I guess-I don’t know-I think I’m scared out of my mind.” Concern filled Eliot as his smiled slipped from his face and he scooted closer to Quentin.

“Why?” he asked. Quentin looked hopeless for a moment and Eliot brought his hand up and pulled some of Quentin’s hair behind his ear, letting his hand linger Quentin turned into the touch.

“I know someday my brain is going to break again,” he said. “And before that was, well not a good feeling, but now with Rupert,” his voice cracked at Rupert’s name. “What if I do something to hurt him?” Eliot shook his head and pulled Quentin into a hug.

“That’s not going to happen,” he said. “You would never hurt him.” He pushed Quentin back so he could look him in the eye. “It’s going to be fine and who says your brain is breaking anyway?”

“Come on El,” Quentin scoffed. “It happens, sometimes worse than others, but it’s bound to happen, probably soon.” 

“Oh, you scheduling those things now?” Eliot asked and Quentin frowned.

“Eliot, I'm serious about this,” he said. “I can accept all the shit that goes on in my brain and by doing that I’d like to be realistic and know that there is a plan in place.”

“What? Like you’re an atomic bomb and we need to teach Rupert to duck and cover?” Eliot asked.”If something happens, Arielle and I will be there. Everything will be fine.” Quentin bit his lip nervously.

“Arielle doesn’t know how bad it can get,” he said quietly. “She’s never really seen it. What if it scares her away. I love her El; I don’t want to lose her either.”

“She loves you too Q,” Eliot said quickly before he could continue with that line of thinking. “That girl is so in love with you that she lets you keep sleeping with me because she understands you and she can see love as this bigger picture that stretches farther than you and I can even see and she knows how bad it can get.” 

“Do you guys talk about it?” Quentin asked.

“Of course we do,” Eliot said. “She and I are friends you know.” Quentin smiled a little and nodded.

“I know you’re friends.” Eliot smiled and pulled Quentin to him and kissed the side of his head.

“She’s not blind to your demons Q,” he said. “And it would take a hell of a lot more than emo Quentin to scare her off. She’s fearless and madly in love with you. And since I’ve loved you longer, I know that is something that doesn’t just go away, trust me, I tried.” Quentin smirked up at him.

“You daring me to get naked, was that you trying to stop loving me?” he asked. 

“Hey,” Eliot said and playfully pushed him away. “I am trying to be reassuring here.” Quentin chucked with a nod.

“Alright,” he said. “I’m sorry, thank you, Eliot.” The playful look from his eyes was gone and replaced with gratitude. Eliot smiled and kissed him.

“You’re welcome,” he said against his lips. Out of the corner of his eye, Eliot could see the sky changing color signaling that sunrise wasn’t far off.

“Hey,” Eliot said pulling back and then tilted his head at the window. “You up for a sunrise, old man?” Quentin laughed and leaned back to look out the window.

“Yeah,” he said smiling. “It’s about time we got some fresh air.” They got up and quickly put on some clothes, more for the morning chill than vanity. Quentin poured them each another cup of tea and then did a quick spell to unlock to the door. “Well I guess this idea worked,” he said with a shrug. Eliot smiled back at him as he grabbed a blanket to bring out with them. Quentin saw the blanket and smiled. It was their blanket.

“Well,” Eliot coming over to the door. “You were bound for a good idea one of these days.” Quentin pretended to look affronted and Eliot kissed his cheek as he walked past him and out the door. 

The air was cool and crisp and the breeze that was already going felt like it was sweeping all of their fighting and drama away. Quentin came up beside him and squeezed his hand. They smiled at each other for a moment before walking around the side of the cottage where the best view of the coming sunrise would be. Sitting down next to Quentin into cool grass, Eliot draped the blanket across their shoulders and Quentin handed him his cup of tea.

They sat together for a few minutes not saying anything. Just enjoying the feel of the quiet moments before the day began. Eliot looked over at the mosaic a few feet away, there were only a few more tiles that needed to be placed and the next pattern would be done. He looked back at Quentin and thought about the worries he had about finishing it when Arielle and Rupert were gone. He’d been thinking about it too and if there was a plan that needed to be set in place, this was it.

“Hey Q?” Eliot said breaking the silence. Quentin looked at him as he took a sip of his tea. “I think I have an idea.” 

“About what?” Quentin asked. Eliot pointed to the mosaic.

“How about we only place the last tile if all four of us are here.” Quentin looked over at the mosaic then back to Eliot with a confused look.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“When we figure out the beauty of all life or whatever, we might not have a lot of time before we have to go back right?” Quentin nodded. “So, we hold off on finishing until Arielle and Rupert are here and we’ll be able to take them with us. We don’t leave our family behind.” Quentin slowly smiled but there was still a bit of anxiety in his eyes,

“Won’t that slow us down?” he asked. “I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing anymore but-”

“If it means keeping our family together.” Eliot interrupted him. “Then let it take a hundred years.” Quentin smiled confidently now and he kissed Eliot.

“Sounds like a plan,” he said. 

“I guess I was due for a good idea too,” Eliot said and Quentin laughed then laid his head down on Eliot’s shoulder. Eliot wrapped his arm around him and together they watched the sunrise on this new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait! We have made it to the end! I can't begin to express my gratitude to everyone who commented, left kudos and have followed along with me! When I first started writing this I convinced myself that no one would read it. Thank you all so much for proving me wrong! I hope you enjoy!

As Eliot walked down the path that led to Garrett’s house, he told himself again that this was a good idea. While he was still angry with Garrett, he did want some closure with him. Especially if he was going to be living so close to them. He didn’t want lingering bitterness or awkwardness to ruin the peace that had finally settled over their home. Also, Eliot needed answers for himself. Eliot thought he had been clear about how he saw things between he and Garrett, but maybe he had done this wrong. He figured if he didn’t want a repeat of the past few weeks then he needed to learn how to accurately define what he had with Quentin to any future partner.

It also felt like the right thing to do. If the past few months had taught Eliot anything, it was that life was moving on and changing all around him. He couldn’t pretend that the quest he and Quentin were on had stopped time all around them; he had to admit he was changing. He wasn’t the same person who walked through that clock four years ago. He was a father now. He had to be an example to Rupert about what kind of man he wanted him to be. He had never had a father to show him that and he had flailed through his life desperately seeking a way to mask the loneliness he felt every day. He never wanted Rupert to run from his problems as he had. He wanted him to confront them straight on and if he was going to ask that of him, then he had to do the same.

Garrett’s cottage came into view and Eliot was surprised to see a wagon outside and Garrett moving a box out the door. Frowning, he quickened his pace.

“Don’t worry,”Garrett said once he noticed Eliot walking up. Dropping the box into the wagon, he shot a glare at Eliot.“I’m leaving.” Eliot came to a stop and trailed his eyes over the almost full wagon and felt a strange feeling of guilt creep in.

“I can see that,” he said. “What’s going on?”

“I’m going to Castle Whitespire,” Garrett said. “Decided that my parents would just have to get over it and just go.” he turned away from Eliot and started walking back towards the cottage. “I’m done sitting around here waiting for something to happen, so I’m making it happen.”

“Wow,” Eliot said following him. “That’s kinda sudden.” Garrett shot Eliot a glare as he grabbed a burlap sack full of what sounded like pots and pans off the ground.

“I guess it’s good you stopped by,” Garrett said with a hint of sarcasm as he tossed the bag into the wagon. “I wasn’t planning on sending you a note telling you where I was.”

“What’s going to happen here?” Eliot asked looking at the cottage. He wondered who would move in now; he had spent a week fixing it up after all.

“Don’t know,” Garrett said picking up a large blanket from off the ground and tossed it over his things. “I don’t really care. Dent said he would help take care of it when he comes back from his sister’s.”

“Oh, you’ve talked to Dent?” Eliot asked a little surprised and Garrett scoffed.

“What are you doing here Eliot?” Garrett asked spinning around to face him. Their eyes briefly met before Garrett turned back to his wagon he began tying a rope across his things. “Based on our last conversation, I didn’t think I’d see you again.” Eliot suppressed rolling his eyes. It didn’t seem like Garrett was the one who should still be this upset.

“Look,” Eliot said stepping forward. “I just wanted to come by and clear the air a little. Especially since I thought we were going to be neighbors.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that now do you?” Garrett snapped as he pulled the rope tightly into a knot. “You don’t have to pretend to make nice.” Eliot frowned, being nice didn’t seem to be working.

“Okay, you know what?” Eliot asked. “I don’t really understand where your hostility is coming from because you knew the whole time that I already was in a relationship that I had no intention of leaving.” Garrett laughed and turned back around to face Eliot.

“Right!” Garrett said with a laugh and turned back around to face Eliot. “That relationship you’re in that you would come and complain about to me?” he asked. “The one where he’s married to someone else and you felt abandoned and ignored?”

“I never said our relationship was perfect,” Eliot shot back.

“No, you didn’t,” Garrett agreed. “You only told me over and over how it wasn’t working and how unhappy you were.” Garrett shook his head and then stormed past back to the cottage. “How crazy of me to think you were looking to leave a messed up situation.” Eliot felt a little taken aback. Surely he hadn’t complained as much as Garrett made it seem. He knew he had explained that he didn’t want to leave Quentin and had never wavered on that. The need to put the blame back onto Garrett, effectively giving him an out at reevaluating his own actions sprang up inside him and overpowered his newfound outlook on facing his mistakes head-on.

“You never said you had a problem with me being with Quentin.” Eliot pointed out. “You even told him that you thought the whole polygamy thing was a great idea. You don’t get to say you’re fine with something one second and then use that against me when things don’t go your way.”

“I thought I was okay with it!” Garrett shouted throwing his arms out and then dragging his hand through his hair. “I thought that if I just said I was enough, then I would start too.” Eliot snorted and crossed his arms.

“Wishful thinking isn’t an acceptable reason for expecting me to leave my family.” he snapped. “I told you from the first day we met-”

“I know,” Garrett said, clearly frustrated. “You weren’t going to leave, I remember. But you never seemed happy and you never even acted like you actually cared about him, what was I supposed to think?”

“You were supposed to think what I told you was the truth,” Eliot said. “Not stir the fucking pot!”

“I didn’t-” Garrett started.

“You did,” Eliot quickly interrupted. “You told Quentin that it was great we were living so close so that someday you and I could move into together and the other night you let me sleep knowing full well that I never stay the night.”

“I liked you, Eliot!” Garrett exclaimed. “I tried not too, but I did and it was hard for me. Maybe if you ever stopped thinking about your problems and your relationship for just a second, then you could have seen that.” Eliot saw the hurt in Garrett’s eyes but pushed the feelings of guilt aside, not ready to admit that he’d done wrong.

“That doesn’t excuse the fact that you knew exactly what you were doing that night,” Eliot said. “You let me sleep knowing that it was going against what Quentin and I had agreed on.” Garrett finally looked ashamed and hung his head.

“Yeah,” he said. “That wasn’t my best moment.” Garrett sat down heavily on the one step that led up to his front door and hung his head. Eliot was surprised by his quick admission, some of his anger receded slightly.

“Why did you?” he asked moving a few steps closer.

“It was just-” Garrett shrugged uncomfortably. “That night, you opened up a little to me. For once it wasn’t about how Quentin was ignoring you or any of that, you know? You talked about your son, how you felt as a dad. It was like I was finally seeing you, the real you and I just-” he trailed off and shrugged. “I saw you sleeping and thought maybe if you just woke up with me then-” he trailed off and looked away from Eliot. “It was stupid.” Garrett stared down at his hands, his fingers twisting together nervously. With a pang of guilt, Eliot realized he had never stopped to think about what Garrett felt. He had just assumed he wanted the same no strings kind of relationship Eliot had expected from him but had never voiced that to him.

“I guess there’s a lot I should have done differently lately,” Eliot said moving now to stand in front of Garrett. “I’m sorry.” Garrett didn’t look up, but he nodded.

“I’m sorry too,” he said softly, then finally turned his face up. “Can I ask you something?” he asked.

“Sure,” Eliot said with a shrug.

“What was the point of what we had?” he asked. “What was the point of me?”

“The point of you?” Eliot asked with a shiver of sadness at the implications of his question.

“What were you gaining by being with me?” Garrett clarified. “If you love Quentin so much, why have sex with me in the first place?” Eliot sighed and he took a seat next to Garrett on the step. He didn’t expect to be asked this, and seeing now that Garrett had had feelings for him, it was a harder question to answer.

“I don’t know,” Eliot said gently. “Things were just so hard at home. I felt like I was losing Quentin and I just-I guess needed someone. I needed some connection, some release.” He looked over at Garret who had gone back to staring at his hands. “I didn’t think about your feelings; I thought you wanted the same thing.”

“So you were running from your problems and looking for meaningless sex?” Garrett asked looking up.

“Not meaningless,” Eliot said quickly. “But unattached I guess. I thought you weren’t looking for a serious relationship because you wanted to be a palace guard. Castle Whitespire isn’t just a quick walk away, you were planning on leaving.” Garrett nodded, his gaze going back to his full wagon ready to take him away.

“I guess that’s fair,” he admitted. “I should have told you how I was feeling.” Eliot gave him a small smile.

“I have sadly learned in the past few weeks that communication is key.” Garrett snorted and actually smiled a little.

“You only just learned that in the past few weeks?” he asked with a hint of humor in his voice.

“Hey,” Eliot said in mock offense. “You’re one to talk; the thought just now dawned on you.” Garrett looked at him and for a moment Eliot thought he had said the wrong thing, but Garrett quickly smiled.

“Okay,” he said with a shrug. “You got me there.” Eliot chuckled and bumped his shoulder against Garrett’s. “I guess things are better with Quentin now?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Eliot smiled. “We talked, for a long time. We had a lot to work out, but I think we know how to go forward now.”

“I’m glad,” Garrett said nodding. “I really am, and I hope you can express that to Quentin. I never meant-” he didn’t finish his sentence but Eliot knew what he meant.

“I will,” Eliot said and Garrett nodded again.

“Are you guys still doing that polygamy thing?” he asked and Eliot just shrugged.

“Arielle isn’t going anywhere if that’s what you mean,” he said. “I don’t want her too anyway, the three of us work in our own little weird way.” he smiled thinking about Arielle. Her being away, especially during all of this had made him realize how much he appreciated her. He had been trying for months to fill the void he felt she had left when she stopped being his friend and started being Quentin’s wife. He didn’t think they could have the same connection they used to have, the one that had filled another void left by Margo. But now he saw that she belonged with he and Quentin, all three of them worked and made a family that Eliot would give anything, even his life, to protect.

“What about someone for you?” Garrett asked.

“I don’t know,” Eliot said looking away from him. “I kind of screwed all this up, might be best if I just get used to the ball and chain,” he smirked, trying to let the humor cover his insecurities. Quentin still said he didn’t care if Eliot slept around, but Eliot could only see him hurting everyone around him if he did that. Besides, he wasn’t that young anymore. He had a son and the responsibility that came with that weighed heavier on him than even being High King.

“What’s wrong with that?” Garrett asked. “If you love Quentin as much as you say, and he loves you, and you’re happy with his wife, why isn’t that enough?” Eliot frowned and looked down at his hands.

“It’s not about it not being enough-” he said trailing off. He knew before, back at Brakebills having multiple partners had been thrilling and made it easy to form little emotional attachments to people; he had Margo for that. But now he had let Quentin in, further than anyone ever had and he could feel his younger self, begging him not to be this stupid and to run from these feelings because they would only lead to pain, but he didn’t think he believed that anymore. “I guess it’s hard to explain.”

“If I had even half the love in my life that you have,” Garrett said leaning back on his hands. “I wouldn’t go anywhere.” Something about the look on his face reminded Eliot of Fen. The day he paraded almost a dozen naked palace guards in front of her, encouraging her that it would be fun. It was at that moment he realized his life had changed and things he had done before were no longer acceptable. Then it had felt like a nail into the coffin of his former life and made him even more suffocated by the new restraints. This felt different though. It almost felt like relief. As if he had been given permission to enjoy the sweet mundanity of his life.

“Maybe,” Eliot shrugged, not daring to say more.

“Well, if you do,” Garrett said. “Do it for better reasons than not wanting to deal with your problems. Human connection shouldn’t be about running from something.” Eliot looked over and met Garrett’s gaze, the sun catching his green eyes and reminded Eliot of what started this whole mess.

“What about this?” Eliot asked, tilting his head to the wagon. “Are you running from me?” Garrett sat forward with a smirk.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” he said. “I told you, I’m done waiting for my life to happen to me. I’ve wanted to go to Castle Whitespire since I was a boy, so it’s about time I go. I’d like to do my small part in helping Fillory.” Eliot smiled. Maybe if things were different, he and Garrett could have fallen for each other. The love Garrett had for Fillory made Eliot feel stirrings of affection that he could easily fall head first into. Mainly, he felt a sense of pride that his kingdom had someone care about it this much.

“Well, I think you’re really brave,” Eliot said. “And not just becoming a guard, but going for something you really want. That takes balls.” Garrett smiled, though he seemed a little thrown by the wording of balls. “I hope it’s everything you wanted it to be.” He held Garrett’s gaze for a moment, he felt like he wanted to kiss him, say goodbye in some way, but he no longer felt that was the way he should. Garrett just nodded, looking back into Eliot’s eyes and seeming just as conflicted.

“Thanks,” he finally said. Eliot nodded and then stood up.

“Bye,” he said with a small wave and he started to walk away.

“Eliot!” Garrett called out. Eliot turned to see him standing up now. “You too.” Eliot smiled at him one last time, then walked away and didn’t look back.

  
************************************

  
“We’re almost there,” Quentin said tugging on Eliot’s arm. “Just keep your eyes closed a little longer.”

“If this is a surprise, it’s not a good one,” Eliot said. “I know this is the way to the glitter rock.” Quentin rolled his eyes and tugged a little harder.

“Just keep walking,” he said. He guided Eliot around the trees until they came to the clearing they both knew so well. “Okay, open your eyes.” Eliot did and then at Quentin with a smirk.

“I’m so surprised,” Eliot said sarcastically. Eliot had been right, Quentin took him to the glitter rock. The actual glitter rock had no name since it seemed to be one of a kind. It was about the size of a breadbox and sat on a much larger bolder. It was an almost perfect rectangle if it wasn’t for the left top corner that rounded out into a point. One side was smooth white rock and the other side was a grey, rough material that sent glitter in the air when the sun hit it.

“This wasn’t the surprise,” Quentin said as he reached into the bag that hung at his side and pulled out the key and the questing book. “This is.” he held them out for Eliot to see and waited for Eliot’s response.

“Well lookie here,” Eliot said with a soft smile as he gingerly picked up the key. It no longer showed you any illusion or created key holes anywhere. They had tried desperately to get a door back home after a week. And one night, when Quentin had been feeling particularly low, he had wondered what kind of illusion would come for him. An hour of trying and Eliot wrestling the key away from him had proven to them both that whatever magic the key had, didn’t work here. “So you really didn’t throw them away.”

“Of course not,” Quentin said and reached out for Eliot’s hand, his chest feeling like it would explode. He felt nervous about what he wanted to say, and even though he knew Eliot would never laugh in his face as he feared, he still felt like he did the day he proposed to Arielle.

“Q?” Eliot seemed to pick up quickly on his nerves and he squeezed his hand back, concern clouding his features.

“I put them away because I only saw them as things that would someday take us away from here,” Quentin said, holding his head up. “But I forgot that they were also the things that brought us here, together, and of all the things in my life I have to be grateful for, that is way up at the top.” Eliot smiled and laced their fingers together.

“Me too,” he said successfully calming all of Quentin’s fears at once.

“I love you, Eliot,” he said, his voice stronger. “And I will stand up in front of everyone we know and tell them if that is what you need from me, but I don’t want you ever to have to deny any part of yourself ever again.” Taking the key back from Eliot, Quentin set it and the book aside so he could take both of Eliot’s hands. “You are Rupert’s father and you are my-” he faltered a little. _Husband_ was on the tip of his tongue, but it didn’t feel right. Labels like that had never felt right for them. He could see Eliot smirk at him, as he tried to find the proper word.

“Husband?” Eliot asked in a slightly teasing tone. Quentin huffed and Eliot wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer.

“You’re my Eliot.” Quentin finally settled putting his arms security around Eliot’s waist as well. “And if Arielle’s family or any of our neighbors forget that, we will remind them over and over. You are not the cool Uncle, and I’m not letting anyone think otherwise anymore.” Eliot brought his hands up, sweeping the hair that flew around Quentin’s face in the breeze the swirled the glitter particles around them.

“Are you asking me to marry you Quentin Coldwater?” he asked letting his hands drop from Quentin’s face to base of his neck. Quentin shrugged, interlocking his hands together behind Eliot’s back.

“I’m asking you if you to stay with me,” Quentin said. “No matter who comes in our lives or how many kids we have. Whether we get back to our friends tomorrow or we stay here until we’re old and wrinkled. I want it to be you and me, always.” Quentin could see tears in Eliot’s eyes, and his smile almost took up his whole face. He didn’t say anything, but he dipped his head down and kissed Quentin, slow and deep. Quentin brought his hands up to Eliot’s face as he kissed him fiercely back. Parting his lips, he let Eliot have complete control as he lost himself in the feel of Eliot’s body pressing against him. Eliot’s arms slipped down to his back and he pulled Quentin even closer before pulling back and stared into Quentin’s eye.

“I do,” he said simply with a smile. Quentin laughed and then practically leaped into Eliot’s arms. Laughing, Eliot lifted him slightly off the ground and swung the two of them around for a moment before dropping Quentin back on his feet. Quentin kissed him this time; deep and proved to be the start of more.

**********************************************

 

Arielle couldn’t wait to be home. She loved her family, she really did, but there was only so much she could take. Her sister, Mal, was wonderful. She was her favorite sister, an angel that Arielle felt was sent just for her. But Mal had her new daughter to keep her busy. Arielle’s mother, on the other hand, had barely let a moment go by without voicing her concerns about her life. She had let up recently, but she still asked her if she and Quentin would ever consider moving closer to the peach farm and let Eliot finish the puzzle.

Sitting up straighter, she could see the first hints of home come into view. Rupert stirred in her lap as if he too knew they were almost home. Dent was babbling next to her. She loved her brother just as much as the rest of her family, but she had tuned out of his constant commentary a while ago.

“Look, baby,” Arielle said into Rupert’s ear. “We’re almost there.” Soon they came to a stop in front of the mosaic, Eliot and Quentin were waiting impatiently for them. Eliot stepped forward first, reaching for Rupert.

“Welcome home!” he said with a smile and Arielle passed Rupert to him. The smile on both their faces once they were reunited made Arielle’s heart swell. Rupert’s eyes went wide and he let out the happiest squeals she’d heard from him since they left. “I missed you!” Eliot said hugging Rupert close to him, looking as if a missing piece had finally returned to him. “You too Ari,” he said quickly smiling at her apologetically.

“That’s alright,” she said taking the hand he held out to help her down. “I know you did.” He kissed her cheek and then stepped aside to talk to Dent as he unloaded their things out of his wagon. She looked over at Quentin who was smiling at her from a few feet away. She waved and he surged forward and almost tackled her to the ground in a desperate hug.

“You’re home,” he whispered and then lifted her in the air and spun her around. “Finally.” Laughing, she wrapped her arms around his neck to steady herself and when he placed her back on the ground, she kissed him. Pulling back she looked into the face of the man she loved so much; it felt like her own missing piece was finally back as well.

“I missed you.” She said. “Nothing is ever as much as fun when you’re not with me.” He kissed her lips, his hand slipping into her hair and she reminded herself that her brother was only a few feet away before she felt a stirring in her abdomen that if they weren’t careful, she would not be able to contain. Quentin pulled back, and by the way, he shifted his hips she could tell he was feeling the same.

“So, how is the baby?” he asked excitedly as Eliot walked back over to them.

“We have a niece,” she told them. “Anya is happy and healthy and so is her mother.” Quentin and Eliot shared relieved looks and Eliot passed Rupert to Quentin’s waiting arms. “Hopefully in a few weeks, we can all go visit.” She smiled watching Quentin murmur to Rupert, the smiles on both their faces erased the last bits of anxiety left over from her extended time with her mother. She was finally home.

“I got everything,” Dent said walking up to them. He had unloaded everything neatly next to the door so they could put it all away. “I should go, I’ve got to help Garrett-” he stopped and glanced at Eliot. “Oh sorry.” Eliot waved his hand with a shrug.

“It’s fine,” he said. “Go help him with whatever he needs.” Arielle looked between Quentin and Eliot, but neither seemed uncomfortable with Eliot’s friend being brought up.

“Alright,” Dent hugged Arielle. “I leave you with these two jokers.” He said and kissed the top of her head. Arielle couldn’t help but smile; she really did love her brother.

“Thank you,” She said hugging him back. He gave a quick goodbye to Quentin and Eliot and soon was gone.

“Come, look at this!” Eliot said excitedly and took her hand and led her to the garden. “We made sure to keep up your garden.” He told her proudly, his hands behind his back. “Quentin didn’t help.” Quentin’s mouth dropped in shock.

“Eliot ate all of your cherries.” He said quickly, literally pointing the finger at Eliot.

“Hey!” Eliot said, “We did that together!” Quentin rolled his eyes and Arielle felt happiness bubbling up inside her.

“Yeah, but it was your idea,” Quentin said.

“No, my idea was-” Before either of them could continue, Arielle jumped at both of them, pulling into a hug.

“You guys!” She said smiling. “You actually worked things out didn’t you?” It wasn’t that she didn’t think they would, but to be proven right made her feel happier than she had in months. Seeing the two of them banter with each other in this easy way, without the cloud of their real frustrations hiding underneath, made the past two weeks all feel worth it.

“We did,” Quentin said once she had let go of them. “And we’re both really sorry Arielle, we have been idiots and you were a saint for putting up with us.” She shook her head quickly. Seeing them happy was all any apology she would need

“As long as you two are okay, then you are completely forgiven.” She told them. They smiled at each other and Arielle could see the spark between was brighter than ever.

“We are,” Quentin said and then smiled back at her. “Eliot has even suggested that you and I spend then the night out here.” He took her hand and his eyes traveled to the bed just behind them. “He’ll stay inside with Rupert.”

“And tomorrow,” Eliot said. “I was hoping you would come on a picnic with me.” Arielle smiled even wider. She and Eliot hadn’t spent much time alone together in a while. She missed their friendship and had started to worry she had sacrificed it by marrying Quentin.

“Just us?” she asked and he nodded.

“We need a good gossip session,” he said. “I have so much to tell you.” Laughing, she got up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

“It’s a date.” She said. Stepping back, she looked at her three boys and a feeling of pure gratitude washed through her like a warm breeze. She didn’t care that her mother didn’t understand her anymore, she had found the family loved her every inch of her. She took Rupert back from Quentin, needing to hold her son as emotions built up inside her “I’m so happy to be home.” She said through tears and a smile and leaned her cheek against Rupert’s head.

“We’re happy you’re home,” Quentin said wrapping his arm around her and kissing the top of her head. “You’re not allowed to leave again,” he whispered and she closed her eyes against the feel of his lips on her forehead.

“Okay,” Eliot said with a clap. “Before we get too sappy, dinner is getting cold.” He swept his arms over to the table, already set for their meal.

“You and Rupert have a seat,” Quentin said. “Eliot and I will get the food.” He kissed her quickly and then hurried to follow Eliot into the cottage.

“Don’t worry,” Eliot called out. “Quentin cooked nothing in this meal, so it will be edible.” Arielle giggled as she sat down at the table with Rupert on her lap.

“You know, I never claimed to be some kind of chief,” Quentin said, “So making fun of my cooking skills really doesn’t bother me.”

“What if I said the shirt you wore the other day looked ridiculous,” Eliot asked.

“Well, that would be a lie because you seemed to enjoy it.”

“I was ripping it off you, of course, I enjoyed it.” Arielle shook her head as their voices trailed off once they went inside. She looked down at Rupert’s drooly smile and then kissed his chubby cheek.

“We’re home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue coming soon!! Let me know what you think!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it but we have made it to the end! Thank you so much for reading my little story and I hope everyone enjoys it! I have more stories for this series, especially dealing with the mosaic timeline, so stay tuned!

Quentin stared at the mosaic, a sense of dread filling him. With a sigh, he tossed the tile he’d been holding aside. He didn’t see the point anymore. They were never going to solve this puzzle and magic would never be restored. The quest that Quentin had waited his whole life for was ruined because of him, he shouldn’t be surprised.

“Q?” Eliot was suddenly kneeling in front of him, taking Quintin’s hands into his own. “You’re overthinking again, aren’t you?” Quentin gripped Eliot’s hands and closed his eyes. 

“How can I not El?” he asked. “We’re never going to finish this, and everyone is depending on us. We’re going to fail them.” Hopelessness filled every inch of his body and he opened his eyes to find Eliot smiling back at him.

“We’re not going to fail,” he said, the confidence Quentin had always envied him for seemed to pour out of him as he spoke. “It may take some time, but we are going to finish this.” There was no doubt in Eliot’s eyes and Quentin felt his own doubt shrinking somewhat just by being near him.

“How can you be so sure?” he asked. Eliot smiled and brought one of his hands up to Quentin’s cheek, rubbing his thumb along his cheekbone.

“Because,” he said. “It’s you and me.” He said it like it was an actual answer, but Quentin didn't feel as confident. Then Eliot leaned up and kissed him softly and then Quentin got it, they would finish this together.

“Now wake up,” Eliot said against his lips. “Our son is trying to talk to you.”

*************************************

“Daddy!” Quentin opened his eyes to see Rupert standing impatiently in front of him.

 “Oh, hey buddy,” he said, straightening up in his chair, groaning a bit from the stiffness in his back. Falling asleep in this chair probably wasn’t the best idea but the warm afternoon sun had put him right to sleep. “Did you have a good time in the village?” Over Rupert’s head, he saw Eliot and Arielle laughing together as he showed her something he must have picked up in the village.

 “Yeah,” Rupert said with a big toothy grin. “Look what Papa got me!” He held out a wooden figure of a bear for Quentin to inspect. Rupert loved animals and had a growing collection of these figures; a bear would be an excellent addition.

 “That’s awesome,” Quentin said kissing him on the top of his head. “He’ll fit right in with the rest of them.” Rupert smiled proudly and held the bear close to his chest, his eyes going over to the mosaic.

 “Did I miss the last tile?” he asked, worry clouding his features as he scanned the ground.

 “Of course not,” Quentin said and reached down, picking up the last tile that would finish the latest puzzle, he held it up for Rupert to see. “You know the last tile isn’t until after dinner.” he reminded him.

 “Oh good,” Rupert said smiling. “Can I put it down tonight? Mommy got to do two times!” he held up two fingers as if to emphasize the unfairness of this. Quentin chuckled and pulled Rupert in for a hug.

 “Sure thing,” he said. “How about you get to put the last tile down for the next three times?” Rupert’s eyes went wide with excitement and nodded empathically.

“Are you two plotting?” Eliot’s voice wafted over Quentin’s head. He had to squint against the sun to see Eliot standing just behind the chair, an easy smile on his face.

“I get to put the last tile down three times!” Rupert said with a proud smile. “Daddy said. 

“Is that so?” Eliot asked moving around the chair to kneel down in front of Rupert. “That’s an important task, do you have it in you?” Rupert stood up a little straighter and nodded.

“I can do it!” he assured his father and Quentin smiled, his heart almost overflowing as he watched the two of them.

“That’s what I want to hear,” Eliot said hugging Rupert close to him. Rupert’s arms wrapped around Eliot’s neck and he smiled up at Quentin over his shoulder.

“Dinner is ready!” Arielle called out to them from where she’d been finishing up with the food. “Rupert, go wash up please.” Rupert made a face as he pulled back from Eliot’s embrace.

“You better listen to her,” Eliot advised. “And go add your bear to your collection.” Rupert’s eyes widened as if he’d momentarily forgotten about his new toy and then quickly ran inside. As Eliot chuckled watching Rupert, Quentin leaned forward and grabbed the front of Eliot’s shirt, pulling him in for a deep, lazy kiss. When they pulled apart, Eliot smiled and then brushed the hair out of Quentin’s face.

“Well hello,” he said. “We weren’t gone that long were we?”

“I just had a really nice dream about you,” Quentin said leaning even further forward in the chair, almost spilling out into Eliot’s lap. Eliot wrapped his arms around Quentin’s middle and kissed him.

“Was I naked?” he asked.

“You should have been.” Eliot laughed and kissed him again.

“Hey, kissy boys.” Pulling apart, they looked up to a smiling Arielle standing over them. She carried a stack of plates on top of a large serving bowl. Forks and spoons sat on the plates and she held a pitcher of water in her fingers that held onto the bowl. “Help me set the table and save some of that for tonight.” Eliot stood quickly, taking the pitcher from her hands and then he took the plates off of the bowl, which had cooked mixed vegetables inside.

“Dinner smells lovely,” Eliot said sweetly and then kissed her on the cheek before he turned towards the table. Arielle smirked down at Quentin who had yet to stand up.

“You can get the ham and cups.” She told him. Quentin stood, his back protesting slightly, and kissed Arielle. He was more awake now, but felt almost drunk on the natural sweetness of the afternoon and wanted nothing more than to get into bed and hold Arielle, Eliot, and Rupert close to him.

“Rupert gets to put the last tile down tonight,” he said. “He seems to think you’ve done it one too many times.”

“That stinker,” Arielle said with a smile. “I guess I can let him have a turn.” Quentin laughed and the kissed her cheek.

“We are the adults,” he reminded her. Arielle sighed dramatically then started walking towards the table.

“Don’t remind me.” She called out. Quentin snorted and the went to get the platter of ham that was sitting the table that Arielle prepared the food on. He balanced the plate on the one hand and with the other picked up a stack of four cups and walked over to the table.

“I ran into Josef in the village today,” Eliot said as he finished setting the silverware down. “He’s in town for the next two days.” Josef was Eliot’s friend and was a clockmaker from Barion. He and Eliot would get together whenever he made it to Brass City.

“Oh! How is he?” Arielle asked excitedly. “I miss Josef; he needs to come to dinner if he’s in town.”

“Yeah,” Quentin agreed quickly “He still owes me a rematch at horseshoes.”

“Hey,” Eliot said as he started pouring water into the cups Quentin set down. “He’s my friend; I get to spend time with him.” Arielle came up and put her arms around Eliot’s waist.

“Oh come on,” She said playfully. “Let us play!” Eliot shook his head but smiled.

 “Fine,” he said. “How about after he and I get to spend a night together, we come here for breakfast?” Arielle gave him one more squeeze, before pulling back and clapping her hands happily.

“That’s perfect!” She said. “I’ll make omelets; they’re his favorite.” Then she picked up the bowl of mixed vegetables and started filling up Rupert’s plate. “That reminds me, my parents want to come for a visit next week.”

“Your parents?” Quentin asked with a frown as he sat down at the table.

“Yes,” Arielle said setting the vegetables down and getting a piece of ham to start cutting up. “They’re going to go to Dent’s and wanted to stop here on the way.” Quentin pouted as Eliot sat down next to him.

“That sounds great,” Eliot said. “It’ll be good to see them.” Quentin shot Eliot a glare, but with no real heat behind it.

“You only say that because they like you better.” he pointed out. Eliot smiled at him proudly.

“Exactly,” he said. “It took me a lot longer than you to get them on my side, I’m not letting them get away.”

“Don’t worry,” Arielle said as she finished up with Rupert’s plate. “They’ll probably just be here for a meal. You can unclench.” Eliot laughed and kissed Quentin’s cheek. Quentin tried to keep up his glare but failed. He smiled and let his head drop on Eliot’s shoulder. Arielle’s parents weren’t that bad. It had taken time and a lot of honest and frank discussions with them, but they finally understood Eliot’s place in their family and had embraced him with open arms. Quentin just always felt like he was still trying to impress them, even after all this time. The fact that they loved and accepted Eliot so much made all his anxiety melt away.

“I’m clean!” Rupert’s excited voice announced his return and he held up his freshly washed hands.

“Good job,” Arielle said sitting down and then patting the seat next to her. “Come eat.” As Rupert sat down, he looked at the amount of vegetables on his plate and frowned. He set his elbow on the table, dramatically dropping his chin in his hand.

“You have to eat all of your vegetables,” Arielle told him.

“And Rupert?” Rupert looked across the table at Eliot. “Elbows off the table.” With a sigh, Rupert dropped his arm back down and then looked over at Quentin, a smile breaking onto his face. Quentin smiled back, a spoon balanced on his nose. Giggling, Rupert picked up his own spoon and tried to it to stay as well.

“Daddy is cheating,” Eliot said shaking his head at Quentin. “He’s using magic.” With a quick flick of his fingers, the spoon fell off Quentin’s nose.

“Hey!” Quentin exclaimed. “I wasn’t using magic; you used magic to get it off.”

“Oh Quentin,” Eliot said picking up his own spoon. “Love of my life. The reason I wake up in the morning. you can do so many wonderful things, just not this.” Placing his spoon on his nose, he turned to Rupert with his eyebrows raised. “See!” After a few seconds though it fell to the table.

“Well look at that,” Quentin said folding his arms. “Looks like Papa can’t do it without magic either.” Rupert giggled and Eliot pretended to look mad.

“Amateurs,” all three turned their head and saw Arielle with a spoon perfectly balanced on her nose. She even took a bite of her food and it stayed in place.

“Alright,” Eliot said shaking his head. “Mommy wins.” Rupert laughed and all three of them clapped.

“Thank you, thank you,” Arielle said taking the spoon off her nose and bowing her head. “Now, let’s eat.” She passed the bowl of vegetables to Quentin and Eliot got a piece of ham for himself. Taking the bowl, Quentin looked at his family and almost was overcome with pride. Their life was not perfect; it was as close as Quentin could ever have imagined living. He passed the vegetables to Eliot and leaned in and kissed him. Pulling back, Eliot winked at him before turning his attention to Rupert. Quentin looked over at Arielle who was smiling back at him. Taking her hand across the table, he listened as Rupert and Eliot told them about their trip to the village.

If he could freeze time, he would, but he had learned that life was about changes. Fighting against that was losing battle and Quentin no longer feared the changes that could come. As long as the four of them stuck together, he knew they could face anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! There were times when I wanted to quit during the writing process. My inner demons got to me a little, but every comment, kudos, reblog on Tumblr, and words of encouragement kept me going. I could probably say thank you a hundred times and it would still not feel like enough! But thank you and let me know what you think!


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